What the <blank> now!?!?

[SammyGirl]

I've been working rather hard to bring my weight down (dieting and exercise) in preparations for coming out to my wife and starting HRT.  All the while struggling with my my growing dysphoria and trying my best to find ways to calm the inner turmoil going inside me.  Last week I learned more about my company's pending layoff and the number of people they are planning to let go is higher than expected.  I will find out by mid june or early july if I am one of the unlucky ones let go.  Ironically this is right around my own planned period of coming out and starting hormones.

Once again it feels like fate is pissing in my cheerios and telling me that to give up.  I will be turning 45 in march and I have had several chances to re-chart the course of my life but-

It just makes me want to cry and give up.   

[patrick1967]

I can understand the feelings but the one thing I can say is never give up. I have been there, not specifically with transition, but with life in general. Three attempts to give up, one of which they still do not know how I made it through have taught me that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. I have been homeless, abused, evicted and broke. We find ways to survive and hopefully survive. Hang in there, make your plans. This might be a time to look for other career possibilities, just don't see any of this as an end.

[jgravitt01]

Patrick is correct do not give up, instead plan ahead a bit. Not sure what you do for a living. If there are other companies in your field near you, the time is now while you have the most leverage. By leverage I mean perceived value by being currently employed. The hiring company looks at you as valuable since your current employer pays you to do your job. That is valuable leverage!
You are not desperate and can afford currently to seek out other gainful employment without it hurting you. Once you lose your job (if that even happens) you will lose that value.

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[MeTony]

I think you should look for another job while you still are employed at your current company. You have some months to find a new job.

Sometimes it feels like all the crap is coming at the same time to crush you. But I see it as waves. Bad things happen all the time in waves, but when the wave of good stuff happen to match the bad wave, they eliminate eachother and the "normal" everyday feelings occur.

I've had a bad start on 2017. But I know both the bad and good stuff comes to me. I know I will have good times in the near future.

Life changes and you need to change with life. I am not the same person as 20 years ago. I don't do the same work as I did then. I have applied for new jobs before I was laid off. Then I am in controll of my future.

Take control of your life and future. Think outside the box. What job do you want to do? What options are there?

[josie76]

Sammy

I know it's tough. Try to use this information about work to your advantage. You have time to search for another workplace. Maybe another whole type of work. Depending on what you do now that could be a positive step. For my situation I need to find another job before transitioning medically too far and I definitely cannot transition socially in my current work at all. I know the depression this information must be causing you. Please hang in there. When I have these doubting moments I try to remember what it feels like to be myself and imagine what it might be like when I can be me all the time. If you are like me, you are worn out with this she'll you showed to the world for so long.

Try to think about what you really would like to do. I know that can be hard in itself. But realize that being yourself means you can actually decide what YOU like instead of what you think you are supposed to do. That can be a revelation into itself when you start to think how that applies to your entire life ahead.

[Sophia Sage]

I think it's easier to transition at an established job than at a new one.

You have several months before the layoffs.  Spend that time at work making yourself indispensable.  Companies really don't want to let go of their indispensable staff.  Don't come out at work until after the layoffs are complete, and if you can wait until you've been on hormones for a year or so, even better. 

Even if you do happen to be let go, you should be able to get better than average references. 

And keep working out, that's a great way to express and grow your personal power!