Residual fear of being misgendered after FFS?

[Jujubee]

Hello ladies!

After FFS (type 3 forehead, trach shave and rhino), I still pick up on people staring at me the way they did when I didn't pass. It's mostly men and sometimes it's a look of disgust...much like I
Would get pre op. This is simply walking down the street or sitting on a bus...so I'm not speaking and sometimes I'm not even moving. So that leaves my face as being judged. I suppose it could be just that I'm not that attractive and men feel entitled to only have to look at attractive females
So that may be prompting the dirty looks. I thought they would go away. But they haven't.


Anyone experience misgendering or sneers and stares after a successful FFS? I'm not a paranoid person,
But I am perceptive. As we all sort of have to be. I'm hoping this is just residual/phantom fears and I am self fulfilling a profecy post op that I used to experience all the time pre op? You know?

Thanks!!

Juju

[Ypsf09]

well if you recently had surgery, you still could be very swollen and maybe that's whats causing the stares. How long ago did you have the surgery?

[Jujubee]

Good thought! I'm 5 weeks post op forehead surgery and there was no swelling with that. Had my nose and trach done a year ago. So while I wish it was something like that,
It's not 🙃

[Doreen]

I had ffs a little under 3 months ago, and I still get 'stares' from folks... though keep in mind what you THINK they're staring for may not be the same reason.   I don't see the looks of disgust, though I do get guys staring for minutes at my face which ... is even worse than before lol.   That being said I've also had guys tell me I look beautiful & women too.. so don't mistake stares for something they may not be.

Just my 2 cents worth.

[Jujubee]

I had ffs a little under 3 months ago, and I still get 'stares' from folks... though keep in mind what you THINK they're staring for may not be the same reason.   I don't see the looks of disgust, though I do get guys staring for minutes at my face which ... is even worse than before lol.   That being said I've also had guys tell me I look beautiful & women too.. so don't mistake stares for something they may not be.

Just my 2 cents worth.

Thanks for your response, Doreen. Sounds like it's all
Working for you. I'm afraid I'm not that cute and the look with upper lip raised aka disgust is a the look I often get. It's too bad people can be so cruel...especially to unattractive women.

[Celia0428]

Some people just go through life with a permanent gesture of disgust on their faces. If you get one of those disturbing stares on a bus, I would suggest you to pay attention to how this person looks at other passengers. You may discover that they look at everybody the same way. Some people just don't stop frowning even when they stare into space.

[lovelessheart]

Thanks for your response, Doreen. Sounds like it's all
Working for you. I'm afraid I'm not that cute and the look with upper lip raised aka disgust is a the look I often get. It's too bad people can be so cruel...especially to unattractive women.

I'll be the one to step out on a limb .

The first ffs I ever had was forehead shaving and rhinoplasty with Dr Cardenas. Even tho back then, before any facial work, it was a 50/50 chance I'd past. After this work was done, nothing changed . Maybe increased a little. It wasn't enough to make me pass . I would get looks here and there. I've been clocked before lol embarrassing . However, I begin to study what was it clocking me. I realize I needed more laser done. Started passing a lot more after . Passing slowly increased in chance. The second facial work I got done was removal of buccal fat pads and a Chin implant ( which will be removed next month) ..this increased my chance of passing ... Then long hair extensions . .today I pass without makeup . This isn't enough for me. Passing aka getting by, is not enough. So I have surgery with Dr z next month to give me a new face. My goal is to be able to shave my hair bald and still look like a woman. In all different lights in all different settings.. sometimes it's what we don't do that's clocking our tea. Maybe you should get an opinion if you need more work done . Or maybe gain a little weight to look softer.

[Doreen]

I've heard from him (Cardenas), and seen some results that were great, and some that weren't as good as I anticipated.  I think a lot has to do with the canvas provided as well.  I honestly don't know if I still get clocked though people never use that dreaded other gender words when addressing me.  There was ONE woman I was having a hard time with pre-ffs that hadn't seen me in a while (and then only off & on), and now she says I look like beautiful, using 'she' blah blah... so apparently it was enough for her to view me in a different light.   Before she was assiduously avoiding gender-descriptors when referring to me.

Not that I did it for her approval lol... but she WAS the only person in quite some time I was having direct evidence of problems being misgendered, or at least not appropriately gendered at the time.  Do I look like some drop-dead gorgeous brunette bombshell?  Well at least in MY mind I am   I can walk about in a cute dress and not have issues... for me that was worth it.

As far as future cosmetic procedures? Maybe if I win the lottery, this is gonna take me a while to recover from.  I'd love to have, oh, dental implants, or maybe some additional hair transplanting, MAYBE breast augmentation... though it feels & looks like the girls decided to start growing again.  Will I ever be 100% satisfied? Probably not, but then I like to seek perfection..a generally unobtainable goal as it is.  As it stands now I'm generally satisfied though.

I'll be the one to step out on a limb .

The first ffs I ever had was forehead shaving and rhinoplasty with Dr Cardenas. Even tho back then, before any facial work, it was a 50/50 chance I'd past. After this work was done, nothing changed . Maybe increased a little. It wasn't enough to make me pass . I would get looks here and there. I've been clocked before lol embarrassing . However, I begin to study what was it clocking me. I realize I needed more laser done. Started passing a lot more after . Passing slowly increased in chance. The second facial work I got done was removal of buccal fat pads and a Chin implant ( which will be removed next month) ..this increased my chance of passing ... Then long hair extensions . .today I pass without makeup . This isn't enough for me. Passing aka getting by, is not enough. So I have surgery with Dr z next month to give me a new face. My goal is to be able to shave my hair bald and still look like a woman. In all different lights in all different settings.. sometimes it's what we don't do that's clocking our tea. Maybe you should get an opinion if you need more work done . Or maybe gain a little weight to look softer.

[Jujubee]

I'll be the one to step out on a limb .

The first ffs I ever had was forehead shaving and rhinoplasty with Dr Cardenas. Even tho back then, before any facial work, it was a 50/50 chance I'd past. After this work was done, nothing changed . Maybe increased a little. It wasn't enough to make me pass . I would get looks here and there. I've been clocked before lol embarrassing . However, I begin to study what was it clocking me. I realize I needed more laser done. Started passing a lot more after . Passing slowly increased in chance. The second facial work I got done was removal of buccal fat pads and a Chin implant ( which will be removed next month) ..this increased my chance of passing ... Then long hair extensions . .today I pass without makeup . This isn't enough for me. Passing aka getting by, is not enough. So I have surgery with Dr z next month to give me a new face. My goal is to be able to shave my hair bald and still look like a woman. In all different lights in all different settings.. sometimes it's what we don't do that's clocking our tea. Maybe you should get an opinion if you need more work done . Or maybe gain a little weight to look softer.

You're right, it's what we don't do. I wear long extensions too and they def help to tip the scales. I've asked people around me and they say I look feminine but they said that pre ffs. I don't have many friends and my family are pathological liars 🙃 So I have to go by the court of public opinion. And it's harsh. Can I ask if you're having any forehead work done by Dr Z? Thanks!

[lovelessheart]

Loll yes people said the same thing about me. But I see not passing as an itch that outsiders can't seem to scratch . So they are going to say you're fine. And yes I'm getting my whole face done by Dr z loll . Forehead(again)hairline advancement , rhinoplasty (again) , jaw , chin , neck, lower face lift , eyebrow lift , lip lift , fat grafting to a few parts of the face... And a BOObie job lol

[Jujubee]

Loll yes people said the same thing about me. But I see not passing as an itch that outsiders can't seem to scratch . So they are going to say you're fine. And yes I'm getting my whole face done by Dr z loll . Forehead(again)hairline advancement , rhinoplasty (again) , jaw , chin , neck, lower face lift , eyebrow lift , lip lift , fat grafting to a few parts of the face... And a BOObie job lol

Wow! Good for you !!

[marie]

Hi!

I had my ffs one year and two months back and I am still wondering why people stare me in the streets.. I am 150% passing and most of times women stare... men look because I think they consider me attractive, but stares come from women, a few of which smile like saying "hello cutie", most of them staring cold like if I had their mother dived to death...

I believe the most important is to feel feminine and happy with your face, if you are then you wont be anxious about anybody looking at you

hugs

[Venusxoxo]

Hi!

I had my ffs one year and two months back and I am still wondering why people stare me in the streets.. I am 150% passing and most of times women stare... men look because I think they consider me attractive, but stares come from women, a few of which smile like saying "hello cutie", most of them staring cold like if I had their mother dived to death...

I believe the most important is to feel feminine and happy with your face, if you are then you wont be anxious about anybody looking at you

hugs

I have the same dilemma, it can be annoying sometimes, it's like there's always a cloud above? Perhaps We tend to take positive things as negatives, but sometimes it's really hard to differentiate one from the other. I think sometimes what's it that grabs their attention. Or what I'm doing wrong..What annoys me is I sometimes (like rarely now) I get weird body language sometimes from woman 20-30's (I don't get this from guys) And it kind of annoys me. It doesn't happen always, just when I'm tired or something?, I'm trying to figure it out why 😣

[Doreen]

Oh I've seen women stare at other women in that manner too... They probably think you're competition, and no I don't think that's wishful thinking.  Many folk really are that way, they view beautiful women as someone to be jealous of.  I have also had women stare at me, but usually in my experiences the men are the starers.

Hi!

I had my ffs one year and two months back and I am still wondering why people stare me in the streets.. I am 150% passing and most of times women stare... men look because I think they consider me attractive, but stares come from women, a few of which smile like saying "hello cutie", most of them staring cold like if I had their mother dived to death...

I believe the most important is to feel feminine and happy with your face, if you are then you wont be anxious about anybody looking at you

hugs

[marie]

I used to be really incomfortable with stares months back because I thought I was identified as trans woman... I feel however much more relax with that now thanks to my increased self confidence...it takes time and repetitive encouraging words from friends and close relatives, but it is worth waiting, I feel better and better
, day after day...