Worried about not passing + being paranoid

[JoanneB]

Jessica,

From the pics in your avatar and the pots here... I'd like to add another possibility. I've caught myself staring before, not because I thought someone was trans, but because they were freaking cute. And you are. If I saw you out on the street, I'd be glancing over and thinking something to the effect of, "Wow, she's hot."

+1

It takes time to ditch your two old friends, Shame & Guilt. I had two utter fail transition experiments in my early 20's. Failed mostly due to not being emotionally prepared. Whenever I was out all I could think was "Some Guy In A Dress". I'm sure there had to of been a sign saying that following me around.

These days when I am out, reveling in the joy of being out in the real world as the real me, and I get that little to long look I smile as I think how I didn't fool myself into thinking "Not bad  looking for an old bat" as I took that last look in the mirror before leaving the house

[kiersten]

.. jessica,


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[kiersten]

Jessica, many have to come to terms with the fact that some may pass some of the time, some may past most all the time, and some may never pass. There are a diverse array of factors for this, some genetic, some might be learned behaviors/cues that are difficult to unlearn. Wherever you are on this spectrum you can't carry a potentially debilitating anxiety and fear over something that you 'may not' be able to change.. Eerly in my transition i found increasing confidence when clocked in turning graciously to someone , looking them directly in the eye and either saying nothing... holding a long stare OR asking if i could help them with any question they had.
The key in these cases is self-confidence and how you 'carry off' that confidence. Just a few thoughts for the journey. [emoji257]


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[JessicaK]

Thanks Joanne and kiersten.

Not entirely sure when my life became a slippery mountain of ****. Maybe it happened years ago and I just didn't realise. Maybe recent event have just pushed me over the edge. Either way, I'm on that mountain and I've come to the delightful realisation that this Earth is a cruel and nasty place indeed.
Granted there are many truly awesome, kind, caring, loving, generous people but the only people I've been encountering are of the scum variety. Society seems truly ****** in all honesty and I have no energy left for these people. I just seem to attract the worst people and general bad luck. I can also confirm that karma does not exist (Myth busted).

So me being me, and me being unable to work atm means I have damn all money and have had to sell my car.
I had a Peugeot 206 from 2015 to early 2016. It's life was a short one and in March it suffered from a violent accident in which the whole side of the car was neatly (umh hum) erased, or shall we say depressed into the car. The best part about this was that I was asleep at the time (no, not at the wheel). Asleep in my bed while the car was parked outside. My neighbor kindly took out the front panel of my car, then kindly kept driving all the way to the rear panel.
So 206 - insurance claim - time/effort - money
Then I bought a 207 after that. Little did I know but the claim would effect my insurance on renewal (this month). Also moving house (because of my family situation) and changing the address (which I forgot to do for a while) would drive up the insurance. Then I remembered my policy had business use so I changed to unemployed for medical reasons for the sake of honesty and they ADDED more the the ******* price! So I paid £570 last year for my 207 ins. This year (after installing an IMAGINARY twin turbo kit...yup) it went to £1400 with the same company. The best price I can find is £770 and £185 road tax. In conclusion we couldn't afford to keep 2 cars (my partners and mine) so I'm selling mine (at a very fair price). There has been no interest bar one seemingly genuine person who viewed the car today.
I had hoped for a nice civilized talk where they could see how well kept and loved the car was/is but NOOOO. The woman that was interested brought a friend along with an apparent ex mechanic friend. Immediately 3v1 was unnerving. The ex mechanic was an *** from the start and started criticising everything about the car. He looked under the bonnet (might be worth adding here, I love, and am interested in my cars and take a lot of care of them) and dipped the oil. Immediately he said there was water in the oil and that the head gasket (which was replaced under warranty during recall in 2011) hadn't been installed correctly and water was getting into the oil. He continued to make up BS about every aspect of the car and said he'd need a whole new engine (at 53000 miles). He held up the dip stick (much like himself) and said to watch for the water separating from the oil and running down...I saw diddley squat. When engine oil and water mix you get a distinct creamy coloured goop. He lied to my face the whole time and seemed so confident and intimidating I kind of believed him at the time, honestly I got really worried that my car was ferked. He offered half the asking price but I declined and said I'd need my mechanic to check it out before accepting such an offer.
After they left I asked the mechanics next door (very handy I know ) to have a quick look. I was right and they were trying to con me. Felt like hugging the mechanic at this point as he had just prevented a financial induced panic attack.

So yea. When I tell myself 'It will get better' I seem to be wrong on most occasions, because In my world at least, things often get worse for no reason at all. Really eats away at your hope.
Having a **** day because of **** people. Story of my life lately. On the + side, they didn't misgender me at all!

My humor is an acquired taste but hope you enjoyed reading

Jessica

[alex82]

Well, there's an awful lot of good in the world. Not that it matters if you are a refugee or in a famine camp or on the streets. Thankfully, you are none of those. And you live in a country with free healthcare.

Of course losing your no claims bonus will affect your insurance. You should've agreed with the neighbour to settle privately - theirs will be compromised too now if it's any comfort. Unfortunately because of your age, the hit is yours to enjoy. That's just how it goes.

You've simply come across the standard type of person who buys a second hand car off someone - they played the game, and they didn't get anywhere. They'll be chalking it up as you are. If you think that's bad, wait until you try selling a house. Or buy one for that matter - you, your lawyer, and surveyor will be acting just the same! And why not.

[JessicaK]

Well, there's an awful lot of good in the world. Not that it matters if you are a refugee or in a famine camp or on the streets. Thankfully, you are none of those. And you live in a country with free healthcare.

Of course losing your no claims bonus will affect your insurance. You should've agreed with the neighbour to settle privately - theirs will be compromised too now if it's any comfort. Unfortunately because of your age, the hit is yours to enjoy. That's just how it goes.

You've simply come across the standard type of person who buys a second hand car off someone - they played the game, and they didn't get anywhere. They'll be chalking it up as you are. If you think that's bad, wait until you try selling a house. Or buy one for that matter - you, your lawyer, and surveyor will be acting just the same! And why not.

Awesome

A) I have an extra years no claims as the other driver admitted fault and my policy wasn't effected. I was told it wouldn't effect my renewal cost by my insurer.
B) Case in point.

[alex82]

Awesome

Reality.

[Floof]

A sad fact that terrible people will always be there, and that people are always looking to make/save money in sneaky and unpleasant or downright dishonest ways.. However there are a lot of kind, caring and loving people if you just hang in there and keep searching.

I'm glad you are wise enough to not just take their word for it! I certainly wasn't.. And badly over payed for what has turned out to be a complete rust bucket of a vehicle; even now its in the garage at my dads with a wheel missing because the rear break on the right side had a catastrophic failure due to rust.. That the mechanics didn't even catch when it was serviced less than a year ago

[JessicaK]

Sorry alex. I was in a really bad place last night and my mind took this the wrong way.

Thanks Floof. I'm just trying to figure out a way of avoiding these people as much as possible as my path seems to cross with theirs far too often. I wonder how to minimise my contact with these people until I get back on my feet.

Hope you get your car sorted soon. You might be able to get the parts you need from a breakers/car salvage yard?
Once I sell my car I'm just going to bank the money for a while. Can't quite face trying to buy just now :/

Jessica

[alex82]

Sorry alex. I was in a really bad place last night and my mind took this the wrong way.

Thanks Floof. I'm just trying to figure out a way of avoiding these people as much as possible as my path seems to cross with theirs far too often. I wonder how to minimise my contact with these people until I get back on my feet.

Hope you get your car sorted soon. You might be able to get the parts you need from a breakers/car salvage yard?
Once I sell my car I'm just going to bank the money for a while. Can't quite face trying to buy just now :/

Jessica

No problem, I hope you get it sorted out.

There's nothing like a second hand car deal to bring out the tackiness in all parties. I'm pleased you said no. When you decide to get another one, just go to a reputable dealer, or if it's a private sale, preferably an elderly couple who no longer want their car and have no intention of stitching someone up. Those are the only times it seems guaranteed to be reliable.

I've been there, when I was your age, I paid cash in hand for a bucket of rust that I only needed for a few months. And it only lasted a few hours. Obviously I took it back, and of course they said "no, never seen you before, never seen this car". Just not my day. My next buy was a dream. Happens to us all.

Unfortunately there is no way to get through life without encountering the sort of people you are having problems with. We are all obstructed by people who choose to make others lives (and weirdly their own) more complicated than it needs to be.

You just have to get on with it. Try to remember that the world is finely balanced, and for every aspect of it, there is as much good as there is bad.