Hi from McKinney (DFW) Texas! I have been a long time lurker and just finally registered for an account. Just want to say hello and thank you to everyone on this site. As a male identifying (internally) as a female, I have been grappling with my gender and I had come to count on this board as a source of information and inspiration. What prompted me to finally register is the fact that I just shared this part of me with my wife tonight!
So a little about me. I am a 39 year old born male. I have been married to my loving wife for 17 years and we have been together exclusively for coming up on 20 years and we have 5 wonderful kids together. I have built a successful career in the overtly masculine profession of Law Enforcement, Loss Prevention and Security. I didn't identify it at the time, but it was never a coincidence that I went out of my way to masculinize early in my adult life.
Going back to the beginning, I can say that I have always had a female 'inner voice'. The farthest back I can remember, I started dressing in secret with my sister's clothes when I was about 7 or so. In my late teens, I forced myself to stop and focused on being the man that I was 'supposed to be'. However, starting in my early teens, I began to understand that I am bi-sexual. I went through periods where I was convinced that I was gay and there were times where I convinced myself that I was straight, but I eventually came to terms with my bisexuality in my mid 20's.
In the past year or so, I have begun to accept and even cherish my womanhood, but still kept it locked away in secret. What resumed as sneaking some alone time in my wife's clothes has in the past year blossomed into me buying and wearing my own panties most of the time. I have done small things to feel more feminine, like grow my hair a bit longer, shave my body, switch to unscented deodorant/hair products, etc. I have also allowed myself to express glimmers of femininity at home with my wife. I did all of these things in full view of my wife, but didn't come out to her...until tonight.
I am delighted to report that she was very understanding and vows to support my journey. She had a million questions, but I think that is a great thing. Her primary concerns were 1) had I cheated (I hadn't), 2) will I cheat (I won't) and 3) will I still support the family both emotionally and financially (I will). She indicated that though she didn't piece it together, she had noticed the changes. She remarked that my personality in particular had been so much more engaged, vibrant, nurturing and positive. So she has seen first hand how much happier I can be just being myself. I had spent most of my adult life being closed because I filtered everything I said and did to make sure it was always masculine.
We talked for hours and it was all positive. I re-assured her that while she is totally on board this moment, I understand that she will likely go through some phases of acceptance in time. I told her that as long as she remains respectful, I will understand if she has times where she has trouble adjusting. We agreed that anytime she has questions, just come to me so that we can work through them. Ultimately, she said she was honored that I felt I could finally share this with her and she just wants me to be happy.
Having read a myriad of reactions from spouses here and elsewhere, I know that I am very lucky to have my wife as a friend and soul mate. I look forward to sharing my journey with her and this group. Thanks for reading.
