Hello again!

[Jessie007]

Hi everyone,

I have just rejoined this forum after taking break for almost a year. I was previously a member here with username jayne01. I needed to take time so that I can try and figure some things out. I will try and tell you a little about myself.

I am a 44 year old pre everything mtf. Around mid 2015, I decided to find a psychologist to hopefully find out what was "wrong" with me. I never in my wildest dreams ever considered myself to be trans. Throughout my life, there have always been moments where I wished I was a girl, but had always found a way to dismiss those thoughts as something so terrible and wrong, that I would bury any idea of being a girl into the deepest, darkest corners of my mind. It is approaching 2 years in therapy for me, and I am up to my 4th psychologist. This 4th psychologist is amazing. She has saved my life and is helping me work through my mental barriers to find out who I really am. It is only after all this therapy that I can look back in hindsight to see that I have always been trans and that it is not something that has just happened all out of the blue.

I am married to the most amazing woman for over 15 years. When I came out to her nearly 2 years ago, telling her that I am questioning my gender, she took the news much better than expected, and together we are trying to work through this condition of mine.

I needed to take time away from this forum because I was unable to process being trans while being here. You are all so helpful and wonderful people here, but there was too much information coming my way. Information that I was not ready to accept. Being on this forum was actually causing me additional distress that I did not need. With the help of my therapist, I am now in a much better place and I believe I am ready to once again join this forum.

I have also changed my username from jayne01 to Jessie007. I think I am a better person now than when I was jayne01, so I thought I would use a different name.

Jessie

[Dena]

Welcome back to Susan's Place. I remember you from before. I think it was last week I was thinking about you and hoped that you had found some form of comfort in your life. It's pretty easy for us to change a user name but it's more difficult to reunite you with your old posts. Susan is the only one who can do it and I think she has to it directly with the data base. Be sure to let me know if there is anything I can help you with. I am giving you another set of the rules because if I don't, somebody else will 

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy

[Jessie007]

Hi Dena. Thanks for the welcome back. I am not too worried if I can't be linked to my old posts. It would be nice, but if it's too hard, it doesn't bother me. During the past year, I have been in some very dark holes that I thought I would never come out of. My therapist and the thought of the trauma I would put my wife through is the reason I am still here today. I hope to never again find myself in one of those dark holes.

I am mentally  in a better place now, but I still have a long way to go before I find the peace I am looking for. At least for now, this mental peace seems achievable, where before it didn't.

Jessie

[V M]

Hi Jessie 

Welcome back to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here again, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

[Jessie007]

Hi VM, thanks for the welcome.