Dealing with feeling Lonely

[Floof]

Hey.. <3

It's 5:45am typing this and I just can't sleep.. For the past week almost two I've felt so crushingly lonely, and it's really starting to make an impact on me. I don't have many friends, and most of the ones I have I only see maybe once or twice a month -all at the same time as we are a little group. The few that are of the type to meet me in weekdays and go do things with me don't live in my town, or even my country!

Has anyone experienced this starting HRT? I've always been ok with being alone after work before, but I'm getting so desperate for attention now that its putting a major strain on the people who even bother to respond to me on the facebook messenger anymore . I have a really hard time being quiet, there's just these overwhelming need for constant human contact and I think I'm driving them all nuts.

I really really appreciate any insight, or any advice on how to deal with this.. Thanks <3

[Tessa James]

Floof we know it's not the same but people are here day and night looking for someone to share with.  Loneliness can be experienced in a crowd of people or even as one sits alongside a significant other that they feel distant from.

It seems an essential part of the human condition to connect in a meaningful way.  To be noticed, to be part of something bigger than ourselves and to make a difference some how to some one.

I am definitely not quiet either and yes we can drive some people nuts.  The truth for me is that this was part of my life way before HRT.  Part of transitioning may be learning how we fit in or interact with others and we can get some of that just being out around town and shopping.  Maybe you want something more meaningful like a relationship?

Lot's of options and maybe something to explore with a friend or counselor?

[tgirlamg]

HI Floof!!!... Btw .. That's one of the cutest user names ever!!!

I went into transition knowing it would do me no good to transition and sit in a room alone... For me it was like Tessa mentioned... It was about getting out there in the world, seeing how I fit in with others and in many ways seeing the world through new eyes.... A bit like being reborn... After a lifetime of hiding ....Finding my new connections to others and the world around me is something priceless to me... I joined a lot of local social Meetup groups online and started putting myself out there with others... Giving them the real me and I have been rewarded with some wonderful deep friendships with other women ...as well as a husband!!!

I'd encourage you to get out there and start mixing it up with the rest of life!!! You seem like you have a great energy about you and I bet you are a blast to hang out with!!!!

Life is short my little sister and in the end... Our lives are truly what we make them to be!!!... You alone hold your steering wheel so drive your life wherever you need it to be...

Onward we go brave girl!!!

Ashley

[Janes Groove]

Is there a real life trans support group in your area? Maybe one geared to younger folks like yourself?

[Floof]

Floof we know it's not the same but people are here day and night looking for someone to share with.  Loneliness can be experienced in a crowd of people or even as one sits alongside a significant other that they feel distant from.

It seems an essential part of the human condition to connect in a meaningful way.  To be noticed, to be part of something bigger than ourselves and to make a difference some how to some one.

I am definitely not quiet either and yes we can drive some people nuts.  The truth for me is that this was part of my life way before HRT.  Part of transitioning may be learning how we fit in or interact with others and we can get some of that just being out around town and shopping.  Maybe you want something more meaningful like a relationship?

Lot's of options and maybe something to explore with a friend or counselor?

Hey, thanks <3. I didn't mean to imply all I do is sit at home alone, I do go out shopping and interacting with people on a basic level and I don't feel lonely then. But only 10-20 minutes by myself and those feelings of being lonely come crawling and it makes me feel so awful. I don't have anyone who would come over to comfort or spend time with me, so I end up pushing my online friends away by not letting them have a moment to live their own lives!.. Ofc I tell them to just let me know I need to be quiet and I'll do my best, but people are to kind and polite to do that.

Really want to be brave enough to form some sort of relationship with someone, not sexual in any way just someone to spend time with, talk to and feel close to. But I'm so worried trying to date as a non-passing transwoman, my last relationship was a whole 6 years ago when I was just starting to discover myself, and it ended up being such a disaster that it scared me away from the whole thing!

I'll absolutely talk to my therapist about this next time we meet.

HI Floof!!!... Btw .. That's one of the cutest user names ever!!!

I went into transition knowing it would do me no good to transition and sit in a room alone... For me it was like Tessa mentioned... It was about getting out there in the world, seeing how I fit in with others and in many ways seeing the world through new eyes.... A bit like being reborn... After a lifetime of hiding ....Finding my new connections to others and the world around me is something priceless to me... I joined a lot of local social Meetup groups online and started putting myself out there with others... Giving them the real me and I have been rewarded with some wonderful deep friendships with other women ...as well as a husband!!!

I'd encourage you to get out there and start mixing it up with the rest of life!!! You seem like you have a great energy about you and I bet you are a blast to hang out with!!!!

Life is short my little sister and in the end... Our lives are truly what we make them to be!!!... You alone hold your steering wheel so drive your life wherever you need it to be...

Onward we go brave girl!!!

Ashley

I really try not to just hide inside, make an effort to get out and be around even when morale is at its lowest . But Norwegian culture is very particular in the way people interact.. We are a very reserved and private society, people do not engage in the kind of pleasantries I've experienced in other countries, such as when I went to New York. The place to meet is pubs, bars and clubs.. But I don't enjoy those settings all that much . The other alternative are clubs for people who share a hobby or activity, annoyingly none of my hobbies have a club in this town ! I may just have to adopt a new one .

I am a bit of a coward though, I worry constantly and always need to woman up a bit before I enter a situation.. So I suppose I'll simply have to be better and braver. Thank you for your help <3.

Is there a real life trans support group in your area? Maybe one geared to younger folks like yourself?

Actually, last evening -after looking frantically for months- I FINALLY found one! It seems to be a very very small one, but they are meeting on feb 9th and I'll simply have to go if I want to retain my sanity! Hopefully I'll meet some nice people and maybe make a few friends. Thanks <3

I feel like what I'm missing is the 'best friend' character from every TV show ever .

[big kim]

Loneliness is part of my character like being tall or having green eyes. I've accepted it will always be like this

[Janes Groove]

I FINALLY found one! It seems to be a very very small one, but they are meeting on feb 9th and I'll simply have to go if I want to retain my sanity! Hopefully I'll meet some nice people and maybe make a few friends. Thanks <3

Wonderfulness. I do so hope you get out and go. When I first came out I went to every support group I could find. Cross dressers, non-binary, transexual, gay. You name it. I went. I happen to find the entire LGBT community infinitely varied and endlessly fascinating.  You also might look into any LGBT churches in your area too. They usually give sermons tailored specifically to the LGBT community which can be quite moving.  Just an idea.

[MissGendered]

Hey Floofy!!

Yops, I did find after I started HRT that I became MUCH needier about human contact, omg, yesss!!!

Something inside switched on and I was like "hey, where is everybody? What's up? Let's do something!!!"

I drove people nuts, ha!! So, yeah, it was waaay different before HRT when people mostly annoyed me, ha ha!!

I get what you are saying about a bestie, too. I miss having my ex around, weirdly, because even though we were on a crash course for destruction, she was my fav hangout chick ever, and I miss that sooo much. Just chilling listening to CDs or popping popcorn and binge watching Squidbillies or Criminal Minds, or just chatting away about our days, our dreams, or whatever. A walk to the grocery store was a happy event, ya know?

Yeah, I get the loneliness, too. I'm also from Nordic culture, the stoic, make-do, be tough, tough it out kinda upbringing, but I long now for being near people, even casually.

HRT did this to me, and I guess it is up to me to change my life into something that nourishes, but it is winter here, and bitter cold, and everybody is locked inside their little boxes, grrr...

But, there is this place, and that has been a welcome addition to my life, quite unexpectedly. Now that my guy has dumped me, lol..grrrr... ;-)

Missy

[Floof]

Thank you so much for the advice and kindness everyone! I have had such a major confidence boost from you all, so I decided you were right and its time Floof got some time on the town again. I had a great time! Met some people I knew from before, then we found some new people and ended up with a group of 6 that bounced from place to place having a bunch of great drinks and lots of fun.

At one point I heard some drunk chick say "thats a man" behind me, but that was the 'worst' thing to happen and it completely bounced of the shield you built for me and didn't dampen the mood at all. This is one of the very few times I've been out and not been worring about people looking at me <3

Mostly though everyone was so nice, and we found this incredible bartender that showed us some amazing drinks making skills.. I had no idea blending and shaking a drink could look so complicated and so elegant!

The only kinda bad thing tho.. Turns out drinking..


Makes ya drunk. ..And makes for a great morning-after hairdo

Wonderfulness. I do so hope you get out and go. When I first came out I went to every support group I could find. Cross dressers, non-binary, transexual, gay. You name it. I went. I happen to find the entire LGBT community infinitely varied and endlessly fascinating.  You also might look into any LGBT churches in your area too. They usually give sermons tailored specifically to the LGBT community which can be quite moving.  Just an idea.

I am absolutely gona go there, I'm very excited to finally have found a local -albeit very small- group of trans people that I can go see in person. I think between them and the amazing love, support and wisdom I find on here I should be set with backup for my whole journey

Hey Floofy!!

Yops, I did find after I started HRT that I became MUCH needier about human contact, omg, yesss!!!

Something inside switched on and I was like "hey, where is everybody? What's up? Let's do something!!!"

I drove people nuts, ha!! So, yeah, it was waaay different before HRT when people mostly annoyed me, ha ha!!

OMG I'm so glad someone else experienced this! I feel kinda nutty and very annoying when I'm on people all the time

I get what you are saying about a bestie, too. I miss having my ex around, weirdly, because even though we were on a crash course for destruction, she was my fav hangout chick ever, and I miss that sooo much. Just chilling listening to CDs or popping popcorn and binge watching Squidbillies or Criminal Minds, or just chatting away about our days, our dreams, or whatever. A walk to the grocery store was a happy event, ya know?

Yeah, I get the loneliness, too. I'm also from Nordic culture, the stoic, make-do, be tough, tough it out kinda upbringing, but I long now for being near people, even casually.

Yea, its a great thing to have . I sometimes miss my old partner too, despite how awfully it ended.. Miss the relationship I had with him, not him as a person . Stoic Nordic culture is such a bummer! At least in summer everyone kind of cheers up and gets a bit more open and playful, can't wait for the sun to last longer than 5 hours each day!

HRT did this to me, and I guess it is up to me to change my life into something that nourishes, but it is winter here, and bitter cold, and everybody is locked inside their little boxes, grrr...

But, there is this place, and that has been a welcome addition to my life, quite unexpectedly. Now that my guy has dumped me, lol..grrrr... ;-)

Missy

Aahhw really? I'm so sorry . The thrill of the hunt then I guess

[josie76]

Love your morning after the party hair! I'm glad you went out and had a good time. I suspect you would do well with a non sexual bestie relationship. Sometimes a SO can be your best friend but sometimes you need just a friend or friends.

For me just coming to terms with myself and no longer trying so hard to turn off my emotional part, I now strongly feel the want to connect with others. I always avoided as many interactions with people as I could before. Nothing was ever really comfortable. However even just getting included in female socialization as a man feels so fulfilling. Something I never experienced with male conversation. My issues are how to be accepted as I transition. I would love to believe I can change here where we live but small town life is going to be tricky at best. Right now I just started feeling like a couple of the moms from our kids school are accepting me as a friend. We hung out a couple of times at kids parties. One of the ladies looked quite surprised last week when she saw my ears both pierced at church. I'd hate to get to feeling like an outcast right now as we are not in a position to move. Otherwise moving to an urban area is one of our plans for the future. My other issue is dealing with my wife's insecurities as I have become much more of an extrovert socially. This turned out to be a big trigger this last week when I planned on going to a support group for the first time. It's hard to balance my psychological needs with hers.

[Floof]

Love your morning after the party hair! I'm glad you went out and had a good time. I suspect you would do well with a non sexual bestie relationship. Sometimes a SO can be your best friend but sometimes you need just a friend or friends.

Thanks! I would love someone to be truly close to, going to have to start looking some time soon!

For me just coming to terms with myself and no longer trying so hard to turn off my emotional part, I now strongly feel the want to connect with others. I always avoided as many interactions with people as I could before. Nothing was ever really comfortable. However even just getting included in female socialization as a man feels so fulfilling. Something I never experienced with male conversation. My issues are how to be accepted as I transition. I would love to believe I can change here where we live but small town life is going to be tricky at best. Right now I just started feeling like a couple of the moms from our kids school are accepting me as a friend. We hung out a couple of times at kids parties. One of the ladies looked quite surprised last week when she saw my ears both pierced at church. I'd hate to get to feeling like an outcast right now as we are not in a position to move. Otherwise moving to an urban area is one of our plans for the future. My other issue is dealing with my wife's insecurities as I have become much more of an extrovert socially. This turned out to be a big trigger this last week when I planned on going to a support group for the first time. It's hard to balance my psychological needs with hers.

Ahw Josie <3. I have also noticed a drastically increased need to socialize and connect with others, I'm so happy you are having a good experience with it even though its causing trouble with your wife .

Hope you manage to navigate your situation, it seems like such a dificult one with just so many hurdles. Coming out and starting transitioning is such a daunting prospect, especially in a small place where you are not sure how the community will handle it. My greatest wish for your immediate future is to work it out to the point where you can go to that support group. I only just managed to dig up my towns only -very well hidden!- support group for trans people, and I am so excited to go there on thursday! I think it would be a great resource for both of us.

Best of luck hun <3

[TigerLilyNYC]

Hi Floof, I live in NYC and am very lonely. The thing that paralyses me is the noise of people trying clock me and feeling like they earn a medal when they do. They don't treat me as a human so they don't care about laughing in my face or to the people they're with. I'd love to help animals at the shelter but that involves unevolved people lauging at me . What to do? So I'm sorry I don't have any advice for you...just my own sob story! Much peace to you young one!

[Floof]

Hi Floof, I live in NYC and am very lonely. The thing that paralyses me is the noise of people trying clock me and feeling like they earn a medal when they do. They don't treat me as a human so they don't care about laughing in my face or to the people they're with. I'd love to help animals at the shelter but that involves unevolved people lauging at me . What to do? So I'm sorry I don't have any advice for you...just my own sob story! Much peace to you young one!

People are horrible.. The thing for me right now is I know I don't pass, but I still want to live a life.. So there is no choice ut to ignore or power through the comments these other people make, and make the best of life as it is. I'm not saying its easy, most of the time I can't do it! But last night I was in top form, thanks to the confidence and inspiration bestowed upon me by all the awesome people here. Nothing could dent my happiness

I wish you all the best <3

[tgirlamg]

People are horrible.. The thing for me right now is I know I don't pass, but I still want to live a life.. So there is no choice ut to ignore or power through the comments these other people make, and make the best of life as it is. I'm not saying its easy, most of the time I can't do it! But last night I was in top form, thanks to the confidence and inspiration bestowed upon me by all the awesome people here. Nothing could dent my happiness

I wish you all the best <3

Greetings My Norwegian Sister!!!!

I hope all is well...  I hear in the words you write here and in your other posts, the sound of a determined girl who is going to move ahead and make her life what she needs it to be ...with great success!!!

Here's a few thoughts for whatever they are worth!

Other people are always going to be an unknown in this equation... Wondering and worrying about how others view us ...Whether we are "passing" to those around us constantly can become a huge trap that is hard to escape from and can be the cause of a lot of misery if we let it...

I think you already know in your heart, the direction you must go to live a life that is truly your own and you may find, as you move ahead, that the need to be yourself and relate to others in the way you choose, may start to become more important than if you are passing, as a cis woman, 100% of the the time ...to 100% of the people....

Move forward with confidence in who you are.... A female ...who has a place in this world and a seat at the table of life just like everyone else... After a half century of living a life that was not who I was inside, I finally realized that I had the power to make my life what I chose and did so in short order... If I had waited to move ahead... Waiting for some far off day when I would feel 100% passable... I'd still be waiting!!!... I moved ahead with fulltime the month I started HRT.. Semi passable at best... But I had the confidence that comes with a life that is finally on the right course and I think you have that confidence in you too.... From that day until now, I have never had a bad experience with anyone because of I am a transwoman.... Here I am a few years later, finally connected to others and the world around me in a meaningful way and married to the greatest guy in the world!!!...

I think it is easy to fill in the blanks about how people will react or treat us with our worst fears and the reality is nothing even close to our fears...

I guess what all my blabbing here means is... Just be you ... You are young and have time to do this on your own terms at whatever speed and in whatever way you want... Just dont let fear whisper in your ear too much!!!... You are holding the steering wheel of your life ... Hit the gas and steer it where you want to go.... You are going to have an amazing life and I hope you keep sharing your progress with us here Floof!!!... I expect great things from you and I am excited to see where all this takes you little sister!!!... All will be well

Onward we go brave girl...

Ashley

[Floof]

Ashley, thank you so much <3.

Your words mean so much to me, I am so very grateful for the new and brave attitude you have all instilled in me. Thanks from the heart big sis . I can already feel this is going to be such an amazing year for me, I simply cannot wait to move forward!

[tgirlamg]

Ashley, thank you so much <3.

Your words mean so much to me, I am so very grateful for the new and brave attitude you have all instilled in me. Thanks from the heart big sis . I can already feel this is going to be such an amazing year for me, I simply cannot wait to move forward!

Hi Floof!...

We all seem to come to a point in the process where not moving forward becomes an intolerable thought and I believe that is where you have found yourself... I am looking forward to seeing how life blossoms for you and I suspect that the coming year will bring a lot of positive change your way!!!

Onward we go brave sister

Ashley

[RachelH]

Keep your head up girl!  I know exactly what you are talking about here.  I few weeks ago I was talking to my GT about  this exact thing.  Not because of this, but we lost most of our close friends who, as it turns out were not that good of friends after all.  I think we all go through this which is what I think this place is sooo good!!  No one judges only support!  I love that about Susans! 

I agree!!  LOVE the morning after do!!

Paula

[Janes Groove]

At one point I heard some drunk chick say "thats a man" behind me.

Whoever said that is clearly deranged and needs to get their eyes examined. You are a very pretty young lady. And that will only improve with age.

[RachelH]

Whoever said that is clearly deranged and needs to get their eyes examined. You are a very pretty young lady. And that will only improve with age.

I agree with you 100% on that!!!

[audreytn]

Hey.. <3

It's 5:45am typing this and I just can't sleep.. For the past week almost two I've felt so crushingly lonely, and it's really starting to make an impact on me. I don't have many friends, and most of the ones I have I only see maybe once or twice a month -all at the same time as we are a little group. The few that are of the type to meet me in weekdays and go do things with me don't live in my town, or even my country!

Has anyone experienced this starting HRT? I've always been ok with being alone after work before, but I'm getting so desperate for attention now that its putting a major strain on the people who even bother to respond to me on the facebook messenger anymore . I have a really hard time being quiet, there's just these overwhelming need for constant human contact and I think I'm driving them all nuts.

I really really appreciate any insight, or any advice on how to deal with this.. Thanks <3

you need to get active.  find a hobby, activity or activities and stay busy.  volunteering is a way to make great, quality friends.  also takes your mind off your problems.

dont allow yourself to sit around.