I'm Audrey

[Audrey94]

Hi 

I'm kind of new to being trans. I'm really only at the point where I've just started to imagine coming out to my parents. It's not really on my radar right now and I don't feel very much pain from it. I do wish I could present as female during the day, but I'm not too distressed keeping it inside for now.

I've had a long history of crossdressing--although infrequently. I admitted to myself that I was a crossdresser about a month ago. It only took me about a week until I admitted to myself how much I wanted to be a woman, so now I just identify as one. It feels good. I'm happy.

Almost paradoxically, I do have a little doubt... Being a girl just makes me feel so natural and happy. For someone who's usually anxious and indecisive, I feel so sure and I get excited thinking about HRT and presenting as a girl. But at the same time I recognize that I am usually anxious and indecisive, and I become very suspicious of how suddenly I've become so sure of being a woman, and that makes me unsure sometimes. I've also had a history of depression (I'm glad to say, after years, it has come down over the last 6 months or so to the point where I can say I'm not depressed), and I don't know about OCD, but these give me some doubt too.

I guess at the end of the day I do identify as a woman, and it makes me happy, and I don't want to be a boy, and I love being a girl and want to keep on being one. 

[Danielle834]

Welcome Audry!  From my experience, what you described is all part of the process.  It seems to start with little moments, then bigger moments, then doubt, then acceptance.  My unprofessional suggestion is to take all the time you need.  Maybe do little things to femme and if they feel right, it'll reaffirm your identity.  Then the road to full acceptance can be traveled.

[Floof]

Welcome!

Its wise to take it slow initially and develop these feelings in private for a bit, so you have a more clear image of yourself and who you want to be. Being excited and happy at looking and feeling more feminine -through clothes, makeup, jewelry or whatever- is very familiar to me. So glad to hear you are no longer depressed, being out of that murky mind cloud makes it so much easier to be honest with yourself in deciding where you want to take your life next.

When you are ready I would advice you track down a good therapist -preferably one experienced in dealing with transgender people- that can help you work through these emotions and define more clearly who you need to be and how to get there. Perhaps a full transition with surgery and all is in your future.. But no one should do more than they need to in order to be happy. Transitioning -especially the medical and surgery stuff- is quite a drastic change to undertake, and not something that should be done on a whim!

Best of luck on your beginning journey. <3

[gennee]

Hi Audrey and welcome to Susan's.

[V M]

Hi Audrey 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

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Hugs

V M

[ProbablyOliver]

Hi Audrey!

It's nice to meet you! I'm new to all this, too, and trying to bop around and say hi to other newcomers, haha. So, hi!

I'm stoked that you've discovered a part of yourself that makes you happy and, friend, I identify so hard with the whole 'I'm usually an anxious and indecisive person and I'm suspicious of how right this feels' thing. I'm not really to the point of wanting to present as male in my daily life quite yet, but thinking of myself a boy makes it a hundred times easier to look at myself in the mirror, and as someone who's struggled with depression and anxiety as well, to varying degrees of severity, it's totally wild to have something seem so natural.

TL;DR I feel you, friend and I'm glad to meet you. Welcome, again!

- Oliver

[Audrey94]

  Thanks for all the advice, friends! Getting therapy is definitely on my radar. I'm trying to order clothes too but, gosh, I'm stuck with my parents right now and it's sort of hard but I have a plan haha.

And Oliver you sound just like me! I'm so glad we related right there! Friend!