Culling Facebook Friends

[Dayta]

I didn't see anything recent on this subject, but didn't dig too awfully deep, so I apologize if I'm going over old ground.  I'm getting set up for coming out at work in about a month, after which I intend to update my social media accounts (I only use Facebook and LinkedIn).  I got some good ideas from an old thread about LinkedIn to just switch to first initial (same as my old one) and maybe update a picture. 

Now, regarding my Facebook, I was talking to my wife, who suggested that I cull people that I'm pretty sure will be unreceptive or hostile to my change before flipping the switch.  In her view, there are some very hateful and determined people who might aim to cause me trouble, so why give them opportunity.  To be honest, most of those that I would put in this bucket are already unfollowed and blind to most of my activity now. 

My hesitation is mostly rooted in making judgements about people without giving them a chance to make their own decisions.  For example, I have a high school acquaintance who's a Christian minister that I occasionally spar with, mostly in a good-natured and playful way, that I'm pretty sure will not be receptive to my transition.  I know that guilt over these decisions is inappropriate, and that discretion is the better part of valor, as they say.  Also, I know that "friends" on Facebook is a designation of a connection through the medium and not necessarily a real description of the relationship, as "friends" is the only available choice. 

Thanks for your thoughts and experiences in this aspect of transition to full-time. 

Erin

[MeTony]

I'm not out yet. But to cull among face book friends is healthy to do every now and then.

If you get questioned, tell them you want a private account with close friends and relatives only.

[Dena]

Life can throw surprises at you. My roommate worked for TWA when she came out and several times she totally called people wrong. Some of the ones she thought she would have trouble with were very supportive and a few she thought would be supportive where her biggest problems. You might consider telling them but remaining ready to cut them off if they react badly.

[Veda]

eh.

Sorry, F still looks like a silly filter, If I'm going to use an electromechanical device, I find it better to make sure I keep my own understanding...

Remember, if you hold it up high, you can measure the time it takes to hit ground.

Smart Phone>>>>
v
v
_______

[sarah1972]

I went through some cleanup during the recent election season  When it will be tim etc come out, I am not sure I would cull before hand. I have actually gotten two pretty good surprises recently of people I was convinced to be negative. Interestingly both had coworkers who transitioned so they have been somewhat familiar with the topic. Right now my plan is not to cull before coming out but be prepared to do so if necessary. There are a few I suspect I need to remove but then - Let's wait and hope for a surprise.

[Michelle_P]

I came out on Facebook after I had locked down the account a bit, limiting most things to Friends, and limiting friend requests to "friends of friends".  I still have had to do some culling.

I managed to get one undesirable 'friend', and a couple of 'friends' who spammed my feed with their multi-level marketing junk.  They got unfriended.  I haven't figured out how to block followers, beyond limiting posts to "Friends" rather than "Public".   More undesirable people there, darn it.

[Devlyn]

Michelle, I hate that term. When we dehumanize someone it's a slippery slope. How about calling someone who gives us unwanted attention "someone who gives us unwanted attention"?   

We are a group who are fairly strident about not being called names, but then we turn around and call others names. That's hypocrisy.

Hugs, Devlyn

[ainsley]

I didn't see anything recent on this subject, but didn't dig too awfully deep, so I apologize if I'm going over old ground.  I'm getting set up for coming out at work in about a month, after which I intend to update my social media accounts (I only use Facebook and LinkedIn).  I got some good ideas from an old thread about LinkedIn to just switch to first initial (same as my old one) and maybe update a picture. 

Now, regarding my Facebook, I was talking to my wife, who suggested that I cull people that I'm pretty sure will be unreceptive or hostile to my change before flipping the switch.  In her view, there are some very hateful and determined people who might aim to cause me trouble, so why give them opportunity.  To be honest, most of those that I would put in this bucket are already unfollowed and blind to most of my activity now. 

My hesitation is mostly rooted in making judgements about people without giving them a chance to make their own decisions.  For example, I have a high school acquaintance who's a Christian minister that I occasionally spar with, mostly in a good-natured and playful way, that I'm pretty sure will not be receptive to my transition.  I know that guilt over these decisions is inappropriate, and that discretion is the better part of valor, as they say.  Also, I know that "friends" on Facebook is a designation of a connection through the medium and not necessarily a real description of the relationship, as "friends" is the only available choice. 

Thanks for your thoughts and experiences in this aspect of transition to full-time. 

Erin

I deactivated my deadnamed FB and created anew.  Added people like family and close friends that knew I was out, then slowly, over the coming years, continued to add more and more people from my old account as they found out about it.  I am not a fan of textual coming outs.  There were some people from my high school in another state that would ask around about what happened to me, and they then would reach out to me and ask to add me. 

So, I essentially dropped off of the planet in boy mode, reappeared anew as female and rebuilt with those that cared about me.  I had no desire whatsoever to alert the public about my personal life intrusively.  I took the onus off of them to have to unfriend me, etc.  Instead, I let them find out in time, over natural progression, and then it was up to them to express a desire to be in my social media life.

[KathyLauren]

When it comes time to switch my Facebook account (the only social media I use), I will rename the account for my old name and terminate my Kathy account, since the former has lots of history and stuff from my regular life and interests, while the latter is only for trans-related stuff.

I am not going to cull my friends list prior to renaming.  I will post an announcement giving folks a couple of day's notice that the change is coming, then just do it.  The announcement will say, in effect, if you can't be nice, just quietly go away.  I think most of my friends have enough class to be okay with the change.  If they don't, well, that's what the 'unfriend' button is for.

I will invite friends of Kathy's account to friend my other account.  Then, I'll close it down.