School trip- What do I do?

[SagaInProgress]

So, my school drama club is going on a trip to a Shakespeare Festival in a couple of months. It's a weekend thing where we have to stay at a hotel for two nights. The hotel rooms will be divided by gender with probably 4 or five guys or girls to a room. I want to room with the guys, but I'm only out to 4 people at the moment. I would probably be sharing a room with one of those people (my best friend, who is completely accepting and who would totally help me out if people bothered me about it) and the drama club has a ridiculously high number of LGBTQ people, so I don't think it would be a huge issue. I'm just worried because I would have to come out to all of them including our teacher, and while I don't think anyone would care I still have issues with doing it. There are a couple friends I'm not out to yet who I think would be upset that I didn't tell them first, and the more people who know, the more people will find out... And I don't think I'm really ready to be out publicly. Then again, I have a lot of social dysphoria and I really just want to be treated as one of the guys. What do you think I should do? Deal with coming out or suck it up and room with the girls? (It isn't an option not to go on the trip, I really want to and I've already committed and put down a deposit)

I actually have another question as well. Should I come out to my dance team? Again, I don't think anyone would really take issue with it, but everyone else on the team (as far as I know) is female and I've only come out to one of them. I don't necessarily feel like I need to, but some of my teammates are in drama club and if I come out there it will get to my team anyway. I have a really good opportunity to do it too, I'm just worried that it will make things awkward. We all change in the same place for performances and competitions, and there are plans being made for team sleepovers and pool parties and stuff.. And there's the same hotel room issue as well when we go to state- Do I room with our (male) manager or the rest of the team? Right now we are all really together- we have a great group dynamic and everyone is genuinely friends with everyone else. I don't want the way they think about me to change, and I'm afraid it might if they know I'm a boy. What do you guys think?

[gwencook]

Hey sweetie,
This is a really difficult thing to give a definite answer on as there are so many influential factors that play into this. It's great that you have a friend who is there for you and accepts you no matter what but I think there is something that you have forgotten to consider: your parents/legal guardians.
If you was to come out to tthe rest of the drama department (including your teacher) there is an extremely high chance that one way or another your parents will find out (if they don't already) and you need to consider what happens if they done accept you (including really hope they would accept you but facing reality it may not happen). And if they font accept you what would be the consequences? Would they kick you out? Would you have to live on the the streets? Etc.
Also, I know this is quite a negative thing, but would it be so bad to still pass as female and wait till after the trip? I know dysphoria is horrible from self experience but if you really want to go on this trip and not have to worry, how much do you think hiding a bit more would impact your enjoyment on this trip? Again it's something only you can answer as only you know how your dysphoria truly is.
And on top of that you also need to think of the timescale. Is its a case that this school trip is next week or in a few months? People may need a lot of time to adjust so that is another thing to think of.
Overall, the decision rests firmly in your hands and only after truly reflecting on this will you be able to know the answer.
I hhope this helps.
Gwen

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. You can ask but don't be surprised if they say no. The reason why schools tend to separate boys and girls is that they fear sex taking place if they are left unsupervised. This normally isn't as much of an issue if everybody is 18  years of age or older but under 18 it can cause many problems. I suspect the answer will be you need to stay with the girls for now.

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[Raell]

I agree the waiting is a safer idea when underage.

My perspective isn't much help since I'm an asexual partial transmale.

I sometimes bunk with or travel with women although I see myself more as a male than a female, perhaps because I suppress dysphoria with Thai herbs. I don't bother outing myself to anyone unless I'm routinely running around with those who expect female behavior from me. Then I just make a casual comment about being "more guy than girl," laugh, and change the subject.

In my case, I'm asexual, so seeing people naked only annoys me and I avoid it in both genders. Yet being naked myself doesn't seem to bother me one way or the other, possibly because I don't really see myself as any particular gender and my body is just my body.

The danger of being a physical girl sleeping with guys is that they may become sexually aggressive. Sure, your friend would protect you, but do you really want that kind of trauma, and the gossip afterward? Strong masculine boys even sometimes sexually assault gentle, feminine males.

[SagaInProgress]

Thanks for the replies, that definitely gives me some things to think about.

I don't want to do this because I feel uncomfortable rooming with girls, it's more because I want to be included with the guys. All of the people in my troupe are really wonderful and none of them would ever try to hurt me, so I don't feel that I have to worry about that. I am not really ready to be out to my parents. I know that they would accept me, things might be a little rough with my mother at first, more because I know she will ask a lot of uncomfortable questions in an attempt to understand. I don't think I would have to worry about it getting back to them though, someone asked last year for the troupe to use a different name and pronouns for them and I know it never got back to their parents, or the rest of the school for that matter. My teacher is really cool about this kind of thing as well, she actually knows already that I don't identify as female, though I've never officially come out to her. At this point the main reason I'm not sure whether to do it or not is because I really dislike coming out, even to people I know won't care. It makes me really anxious, but it might be better if I did. These are all people I work closely with and if even half of them started using correct pronouns it would alleviate a lot of dysphoria.