Overthinking

[helphim]

Hello
I was wondering how and when everyone realized that they were transgender (be it male or female). What made you positive that you were born in the wrong body? (I doubt myself too often to be sure of anything) Thanks!

[AshleyUSMC]

I absolutely love this question, and I'll tell you why! For starters i just want to say that my opinion is just that, theyre my opinion and not the opinion of others. Ok so the reason why i absolutely love this question is because, for starters, if youre even questioning your gender identity, you already lie some where on the trans scale. Whether youre more feminine or more masculine requires a lot of back tracking how you were as a child. For me when i was a kid, i played a lot with other girls, i would play house, barbies etc. Now its very possible to be a mtf transgender and be more masculine, just like cis gendered women so dont think just because youre more masculine youre not trans. Its also very possible to be FTM if youre more feminine than masculine.

It took me 2 years after i hit puberty realizing that something about me was not right. I didnt understand that what i felt was only felt by a small population of people and that was gender dysphoria.

Some questions you could ask yourself, how long have i felt that i was trans?
What makes you think you are trans?
How do you feel about people calling you with pronouns of the opposite sex?
I hope this helps a little!

Love
Ashley

[LizK]

Hello
I was wondering how and when everyone realized that they were transgender (be it male or female). What made you positive that you were born in the wrong body? (I doubt myself too often to be sure of anything) Thanks!

Hi helphim

Welcome and I hope you enjoy your time here at Susan's.

What is it you doubt yourself about help him?


Regards

Liz


Things to Live By are links we give to every new member......

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
  
• Reputation rules
  
• News posting & quoting guidelines
  
• Photo, avatars, and signature images policy
  

[Deborah]

I knew when I was 11.  How I knew is difficult to answer.  It was kind of a metaphysical awakening.  I just knew.

After that I worked really hard to develop a masculine appearing and acting character because of my parents' reaction.  So things get a little confusing sorting out what parts are the "essential" me and what parts were imposed upon that as a mask.


It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.
André Gide, Autumn Leaves

[Shy]

In a school play I was given the role of a king and I knew I didn't want to be a king so I protested to the point of tears. Must have been five or so.

[Kylo]

A large number of serious inhibitions about body, role and body function that "normal" people don't have, and that never went away.

[Denise]

About 4.  I asked my mother "was a mistake made? Am I supposed to be a girl?"

It wasn't until I was 53 that I put the sentence "I'm transgender" together.  Honestly, don't laugh, I thought EVERYONE thought seriously at times about being the other gender.  Apparently not.  It became an obsession for me and mentioned it to my sister on October 17, 2015.  She did a little research and found the term "gender dysphoria" and 503 days later I'm going full time.

[Dee Marshall]

Talk about over thinking, I took the "there's no real difference between boys and girls" idea that was popular when I was growing up, shot right past transgender (which was unknown then anyway) and wondered if I was human for years. I was 54 when I realized that transgender fit.

[KathyLauren]

In my case, it was an awareness that grew over decades.  There was no one "Eureka!" moment for me.  As a teenager, I always knew I didn't fit in, but I didn't understand why. 

I never once in my life wished I was more masculine, and always secretly wished I could be more feminine.  In my crossdressing days, I wondered if I could be transgender (not that the word existed back then), but I figured that I couldn't possibly be that "weird".  I knew of a handful of people who had made headlines transitioning - Christine Jorgensen, Renée Richards, etc - but I thought there were only a few such people in the workld.  I had no idea there were thousands of us.  So I convinced myself that I was just a pervert, not trans.

It was the publicity surrounding Caitlyn Jenner's transition and an experience hearing a trans astrophysicist speak at a national astronomy convention a couple of years ago that got me investigating being transgender.  That led me, at age 60, here to Susan's, where I finally figured it out.  This was the first place where I didn't have to maintain a facade of masculinity.

[JeanetteLW]

   You know that is a pretty good question. I think I can honestly never had that thought until Dec 4, 2016 when I took my first dose of HRT and even then it wasn't an answer to the quest as it was a realization. Sure I had thoughts and desires of being female throughout growing up. I crossdressed all those years. But I never really asked if I was transgender. It was ordering the HRT and taking it that solidified the knowledge that I was a trans-woman. It validated everything I'd done growing up.

  hugs,
    Jeanette

[helphim]

Thank you guys so much! All your comments are very helpful and I really appreciate the fact that you took time to answer me

[Audrey94]

I admitted to myself that I was trans at 22--only about a month ago. Now, it's too early for me to rule out being gender fluid, but I know I'm not cisgender. This is because for as long as I remember, I've had these occasional impulses to wear women's clothing. I remember being in elementary school and secretly wishing I could wear my sister's Hello Kitty boots haha! Before I admitted being trans, I even gave in to crossdressing, and I'd occasionally wear some of my sister's clothes. Now, I'm wearing women's clothing every day for the first time, and I'm on a streak of 3 days in a row which I don't see stopping. I see myself accelerating towards full-time womanhood and that makes me less doubtful.

I always feel bad when doubting myself, but it's because I think I might not one day be in a woman's body. The fact that I see myself as a disappointed girl even when in doubt helps reinforce my gender identity.

I guess there was nothing that made me absolutely positive once-and-for-all, but things are accumulating and I'm happy to see myself getting surer every week.

[Daniellekai]

It's basically taken place over 10 years, although I'm convinced I've been trans my whole life, I didn't consider it a possibility until my 20s, even then I wouldn't even consider hormones let alone surgery,  I'm a crossdresser I thought, but once the feelings got strong enough I tried that, and realized that would never be enough, still didn't want to consider a full transition probably the last five years (32 now) I've been essentially researching how to feminize myself without hormones, and it basically reads like "well you can do these things, but HRT would be way better".

So I started growing my hair out, and exercising muscle groups to tone waist hips butt and thighs, still was depressed and all that, but I guess it's kind of a slippery slope for me, because when I started to see her in the mirror I just wanted to tell someone what I was doing and how right it felt, so I did, and she immediately stated the obvious, and forced me to confront the fact that I'm transgendered, and once I did that, HRT and even bottom surgery seem like amazing options, and I'm now determined to get down to a healthy weight and transition to the gender I should've been born as. I'm so much happier, and more motivated to be healthy that I'm already regretting taking so long to figure it out, this was mere weeks ago, but it's already a question of when, not if I'll transition, I figure I'll leverage the muscle power of testosterone to reach a healthy weight, and start hormones ASAP after that, this'll sound terrible, but girl me doesn't want to be fat, man me doesn't give a <not allowed> about his body. And she is a girl, not a woman right now, she hasn't even been through puberty yet, doesn't really know how to do makeup, or pick flattering clothes either...

[Katy]

Don't doubt the value of doubt.  You are contemplating momentous changes in your life.  It is healthy to have doubts.  Allow yourself the freedom to question each step you take.  This is a marathon, not a dash.  One step of undoubted value is seeking the guidance of a gender therapist.  Sharing your doubts with a non-judgmental professional is one positive step you can take to help resolve the doubts you have. 

I doubt whether I have written anything you haven't heard or read already, (To put it bluntly, I don't do profound or inspirational) but I hope you won't doubt my concern.

All the best.

[Floof]

I realized I wasn't supposed to have a male body once I hit puberty; I hated everything from the darker voice and increased body hair, to the sudden sexual awakening of the creature between my legs. Every change put me more firmly into the 'boy' bracket and distanced me from the girls that I so envied. Didn't know what 'transgender' was until I stumbled across the term while googling one night in my 15th year, trying to find anyone that felt the way I did.. I really hope they teach kids about trans people in school these days.

Honestly, don't laugh, I thought EVERYONE thought seriously at times about being the other gender.

No laughter here, it was a genuine shock for me the day I learned that none of my friends thought about being the other gender.. Not at all, not even a little! And here was I, with my mind constantly packed with those very thoughts and wishes that none of my peers seemed to have.

[josie76]

Being in the trans spectrum is just having parts of your brain wired somewhat like the opposite birth sex. Best I could describe it is having this nawing feeling that something is just not right, not comfortable being the role you are. DeeDee make a good point that cis gendered people do not think about their gender outside of someone or something causing them to consider it. Trans people tend to have thoughts, feelings about their gender pop up throughout life.

For me it started at 4. That's when I started to recognize the different roles boys and girls were placed in. Basically I didn't identify with the boy role. Throughout my younger years I often imagined what it would be like if I was a girl, got to play with the girls at school ect. I learned by 1st grade to hide my feelings and to copy the ways boys acted. At 11 I started really wanting to castrate myself. I just had this overwhelming aversion to becoming a man. By 14 those thoughts of self castration mostly went away. I was fully attracted to girls with pubescent testosterone surging through my body. Yet I could not feel comfortable with the boys. Not really. I always had these thoughts and wishes I could have been a girl. I often dreamed of this at night. In my early 20s I started to experience strong feminine instincts. Just seeing a mom and baby would fire my Dysphoria up. Deep down my brain wanted a baby. I wanted to be a mom. I have found that talking about these feelings with cis women, that many at the least understand the "baby fever" I experienced.

So this is just parts of my experience. Mine has always felt extreme to me. It has caused me a great deal of anxiety throughout my life. Made me feel suicidal more times than I could count at certain points in life. Everyone's minds and bodies are different. Some people experience just enough disphoria to realize they are just in between, non binary, or just questioning. Making permanent body changes should be a seriously considered decision. Done if it's the way to find a sense of happiness in this lifetime. So having doubts enough to carefully consider things is good.