Would be on HRT like a shot if single

[Christine_Hart]

I'm married and have kids and am a regular dresser. My wife is aware of this. I'm actually happy with things and don't suffer from gender dysphoria. However I know that if I was single I'd probably dress full time and be on HRT like a shot. Does that sound strange? It sort of feels like their should be some huge longing or current unhappiness for me to feel like that rather than the current happy to dress part time,  happy to go further if circumstances change.
Christine

[AnxietyDisord3r]

Some people say their dysphoria is more social than physical and if this is true for you, regular dressing may be relieving this need. The fact that your wife knows about your identity probably helps to because presumably you see her every day.

You may be one of the lucky ones who isn't made sick by endogenous hormones. Some of us get depressed because of endogenous hormones and are only cured by HRT but it sounds like you don't perceive yourself as suffering in that way.

[arice]

I'm married and have kids and am a regular dresser. My wife is aware of this. I'm actually happy with things and don't suffer from gender dysphoria. However I know that if I was single I'd probably dress full time and be on HRT like a shot. Does that sound strange? It sort of feels like their should be some huge longing or current unhappiness for me to feel like that rather than the current happy to dress part time,  happy to go further if circumstances change.
Christine

It doesn't sound strange to me. I would transition fully if not for my husband and kids. My husband is not supportive but I'm not in a place to leave him. Also, men in my family live 20-30 years less than women and I am worried about the effects of T on my lifespan... I don't think I can risk that for the sake of my kids. If I was single and not a parent, I would take that risk.

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[Paige]

It doesn't sound strange to me. I would transition fully if not for my husband and kids. My husband is not supportive but I'm not in a place to leave him. Also, men in my family live 20-30 years less than women and I am worried about the effects of T on my lifespan... I don't think I can risk that for the sake of my kids. If I was single and not a parent, I would take that risk.

Is it the T that shortens men's lives?  It's an interesting question.  Or is it the gender roles.  One thing you wouldn't have to worry about is prostate cancer.   

If T is hard on your body, which I'm not sure of,  wouldn't it make sense that it would be better for someone who has not had male T levels till later in life?

I also wonder if life expectancy is as genetic as people think.  I have a lot of heart disease in my family but all of those people were smokers.  Some families overdose on sugar which can also lead to heart issues.

Paige

   

[JoanneB]

I played all 3 angles on this question
1) Back in the day (of the dinosaurs) when I was single, twice I experimented with transitioning, including HRT. Both times utter fails. So I "Settled" for being just a cross-dresser who had a dream once
2) Over the ensuing decades, married or otherwise "in a relationship" I needed to resort to my "Break Glass In Case of Emergency" life saver of low dose HRT to shut off the extreme noise. Otherwise the occasional CDing was enough of an escape from maleness.
3) Now, on full HRT for 7 years or so, still married, still presenting primarily as male, I am still kind of sort of holding everything in my life together.

Be thankful for your blessings. I sure am for not crossing over from "Want to" to "Need To" transition.... yet. Time will tell

[Thessa]

Without family I would have started transition a few years earlier. Now I have to balance my personal needs and my obligations towards my daughter.

So it will take some time until I will be able to go full time, especially in my business life.

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[Ms Grace]

I suspect there would be a lot more people going through with full transition if they didn't feel bound by relationships, families, work, etc.

[Ashley Allison]

Like Ms. Grace said, many people would likely go through transition if they weren't bound by relationships and bonds between people.  I for one am one of them, if hesitate to break up with my current partner as I know if I was single I just might 'take that step'.  I have a tendency to speed towards my transgender leanings, which compromises a lot of me, when I am single.  Unbelievable how I place other people's feelings about me (my girlfriend's and my parents mainly) above my very real own.  I fear I just might go all the way if I break up with my girlfriend.

On a second note, I too fear the consequences of testosterone on my life span.  Existing as a male would be one thing with dysphoria, but knowing that you are likely to die younger with the cardiovascular complications of that ridiculous hormone? No thanks.  Hopefully I can gain the confidence and go all the wya.

[Janes Groove]

I suspect there would be a lot more people going through with full transition if they didn't feel bound by relationships, families, work, etc.

Such a shame.  That's the cost of transphobia on humanity as a whole. If not for it (transphobia), imagine the unleashing of human energy that would occur.  All the struggle.  All the energy that humans put into hiding their gender noncomforming natures suddenly free for other pursuits.

[Thessa]

Such a shame.  That's the cost of transphobia on humanity as a whole. If not for it (transphobia), imagine the unleashing of human energy that would occur.  All the struggle.  All the energy that humans put into hiding their gender noncomforming natures suddenly free for other pursuits.

So true!
The main fear I have at the moment (that keeps me up at night) is to loose my income due to transitioning at work.

I'm self-employed but that has no meaning if you can't get enough orders coming in.

[Janes Groove]

It's called the Trans tax.

[IzzyM]

Hi Christine,

It doesn't sound odd to me at all.  Over the years I have suffered from dysphoria to different degrees and even when the dysphoria was not great I would dress, because regardless of how happy I was I would always feel even better dressed.

As for transphobia, it is so true.  What worries me is the impact from other people on my wife and children.

[DawnOday]

 I've let two relationships set me off track,  I could not put it off any longer for the sake of my present relationship as I was becoming more and more isolated. I have been on anti depressants for many years but the changes that came with HRT have helped me even out my moods. I am starting to let people back in. My wife thinks I am nicer than I used to be. I work on it as I seem to be able to concentrate better.

[Annae3221]

I thought relationships were what had been holding me back from any sort of transitioning, but now that I am finally single, something else is in my way. Whether its my family (who would be totally unsupportive) or my friends who just would not understand, or even my new job with a bunch of new people I have become acquainted with, I feel just as stuck as I did before.

[aaajjj55]

I have often thought the same way but, like Annae3221, I'm not sure that I would have the guts to go through with it for many of the same reasons.

What I do wish is that, when I was single, I had had a greater understanding of the signs of ->-bleeped-<- in my life - an understanding that wishing I'd been female, fascination with and wanting to dress in female clothes, wanting to play with the girls at school and unease when trying to form sexual relationships with women (although being sexually attracted to them) were all early indicators of how I may feel later in life.  Whether that understanding would have led my life down a different path, I can only wonder although, if I'm honest, I think that the lack of many of the TG surgical procedures such as FFS & VFS that we now take for granted combined with the general view of ->-bleeped-<- at that time would still have made me try to surpress things.

[Daniellekai]

Interesting, broke up with my girlfriend a few months back, but she probably would've been ecstatic if I started to transition when I was with her, but knowing her she'd want me to be her best friend, not her lover in that case. It didn't help while I was with her seeing all the cute clothes and accessories, makes me jealous.

She knew I wasn't afraid to be feminine and loved to wear the occasional piece of clothing, I told her on the second date to prevent any surprises, I wouldn't want to be in a relationship that prevented me from being me when I inevitably finally got up the nerve... Was with her for years, maybe she was actually waiting for it, lol.