I'm new here at the forums so i thought i should introduce myself. So I just started HRT recently. Current age is 22 years old.
I'm extremely dysphoric about myself and due to some social and family situation I kept it inside me for a long time. My thought was I was strong, but I became more and more depressed. Soon I was thinking of committing suicide. I would often picture killing myself in creative ways...
So one day I my depression paradise exploded and I went into the kitchen, grabbed the Kitchen knife. My family were not around that time. I was thinking how I could save everyone the pain and just ending it.
Let me tell you, the survival instinct encoded in you is rather strong. I stared into the mirror for 5 mins then I said, "<not permitted> it". I've decided I would transition then. For me I don't have any other choice, it's either live or die.
Seeing that I didn't want any trouble during the start, I kept this from my family. So I started seeing a psychiatrist. He referred me to the Endo after seeing how serious I'm about this. After a couple of weeks I was put on some androgen blockers for a month. By the next month I was given estrogen.
I don't know how to say this, for the first time in my life I felt like myself. The first effect of Estrogen was the crying. I would wake up at 2 AM in the morning and cries for couple of hours. But after each crying section I felt that much better.
Now I know that for 1000% sure this is what I want... Well the biggest problem that lies before me is telling my family about this. I'm scared that if they reject this, I wouldn't able to stop me this time.
Well that's my current situation..
