No matter what beliefs or values you hold about the world, there will always be times of sadness and doubt and "why in the world did i take on this hard thing?" During those times we can easily fill up the "con" column and the "pro" column of any analysis seems empty.
Life in some ways would have been more simple and straight forward with less conflict had i been able to withstand the dysphoria. But i couldn't and the non-transition strategies i used were failing and even causing me harm. I would likely no longer be around. Like you, i am married and have kids that call me Dad. I'm good with that and all marriages change and now we have had the opportunity to take ours in a new direction of friendship. Like you i work to much in a challenging technological, economic and political environment.
Try not to focus on what you don't have and what you can't be and focus on what you have, what you have accomplished and what you can be. With that focus, you may find more things move over to the positive side of the column and things you thought you could not be, you are.
