Not fitting any mold

[Ladythea]

Hi everyone, I'm new here and happy to have found a group where I might actually fit in (what a concept!)
Okay, I was born female and love my female body. I love to dress female. And I am only attracted to males. VERY attracted to males. Never females.
But if it sounds like I'm "sexually normal," you couldn't be more wrong.
I feel so alienated from everyone. When I'm with women, they seem like aliens from another planet. I don't sound like them. I don't talk with the same phrasing and inflections. When they talk about issues related to sex, I don't know WHAT they are talking about. To them, I don't think I stand out as different or unfeminine, though I do have a low-pitched voice.
I feel natural around men. When they talk about sex, I'm like, "well sure, of course." I know we're not supposed to go into details here, but basically, I don't react to anything sexual like other women but like a man.
Relattionships are the problem. I've never been able to be friends with a woman, they are just not like me. I've had male friends, but intimate relationships don't work. Somehow, I don't fit the pattern. I guess I look at men the way men look like women. Though I want a more-or-less equal partner, I gravitate toward someone a little younger, a little less experienced, a slightly lower income level. I don't mentally set these things as requirements; it's simply that men I'm attracted to fall into these categories. There's no reason a relationship like this can't work, but it takes a strong self-image. A lot of men start having ego problems with this arrangement after a while, and that can turn toxic. In most hetero relationships, the man is a little older, more experienced, earns more, is less emotional. I've tried that too, but after a while it was like being with my dad. Just felt wrong, even if the guy was a great person, not sexist, not trying to force me into a role.
I am feeling so lonely and isolated. I wish I had friends, I miss having sex, I want contact with people that feels right. But it never does.

[Sno]

Welcome LadyThea!

Simple question first - do you have therapist on board yet?

It sounds like there is a social gender based disconnect - you like men, men friend zone you, and you're struggling to relate (if at all) to women, although you have little physical dysphoria, a therapist would be able to talk with you about that, and also explore the difference between gender and sexual orientation.

The sense of not fitting could be social dysphoria (unfortunately one of its many guises), and we have FtM members who are socially dysphoric, as well as MtF members, and yet do not have, or have little physical dysphoria.

Have a chat with a professional to help you work through where you sit within the spectrum, and feel free to ask questions, we've a lot of members, and lots of experience here.

Have a hug from a neutrois-demigirl, and welcome

[DogSpirit]

Welcome, Ladythea,

I wish you the patience to find the guy who fits you. I agree: There's no reason a relationship like you're seeking can't work.

I wouldn't freak about being a woman who loves being a woman but doesn't identify with women. I totally understand. I'm not as wild about my womanness as you are, but I agree that women seem like aliens from another planet.

And I'm married to one. 

All the best,
-- Sue

[Cailan Jerika]

Ah, Ladythea, you took the words right out of my mouth. I'm almost exactly the same. You can look up my old posts. I love being a girl, I never want to give up being a girl, but there's a guy in here too.

It's called being bi-gender. I'm mostly girly on the outside. I love skirts and dresses, heels and being sparkly and stuff. But there's also a guy inside who wants to just be a guy.

And like you, I tend to have difficulty getting along with other women and feel more comfortable around men. Yep. Check.

What makes us a bit unusual is that our birth feminine identity is dominant. Usually anyone who notices they're bi-gender,it's because their opposite gender is stronger. I think there are a lot more like us, but they go un-self-recognized because the non-binary gender identities are very poorly known and understood in either the transgender world or the cis world.

I've been married 28 years. I guess I found the right guy, though he turned out to be a MtF trans (currently not transitioned). I've always wondered if our mutual gender issues is what brought us together. Maybe. It could be what breaks us up, though, because I'm not interested in having a female partner. Grrr. Complications.