How do you find love with part of you that you don't share to anyone?

[kallaran]

I like girls but it's like I would feel sad if I kept secret about being crossdresser or even trans and destroyed the relationship with it.

This isn't something that I can advertise as everyone that I know in my life including my family wouldn't be accepting of , if they found out in some way.

Is it really a good idea to engage in relationship with something that is out of your control to deal with?

[Sophia Sage]

Relationships are built on relating.  If you're not relating your authentic personal truth of who you are, the relationship is limited, and you are restricted.

Now, this doesn't mean you're obligated to share in all relationships.  We do want to exercise discretion, because not all relationships are predicated on sharing this truth... but it depends on the truth.  Some truths don't need to be known by strangers, or friends, or family members.  And some truths must be known by lovers, if that relationship is to survive.

If it's your truth that you are female, well, that's why I transitioned, so I could be myself with everybody. 

[CrystalMatthews0426]

It is tough, and I think how much you disclose early in a relationship really depends on where you are emotionally in accepting your gender dysphoria. When I met my wife, I was still very strongly trying to suppress this side of me and refused to accept who I was. I grew a beard, I tried to act like a "real man," and she fell in love with me. We've been together a little over 3 and a half years when I finally couldn't suppress this any longer and I came out. She was hurt, and she's still struggling. She told me that she didn't sign up for this, and she's absolutely right, because nobody really signs up for this, she didn't, I sure as hell didn't. But it's a matter of deciding whether I can lie to myself any longer, and if she can accept the new me if I choose to make a full transition.

[Dee Marshall]

It's very hard, true,but it's gonna be hard for us anyway. How do you find real love when you don't really love yourself?

I thought I loved my wife before I transitioned. Now I realize that I didn't really love or value myself. I always doubted her love because I saw nothing loveable in myself. Now I love and value myself and I love her more than I thought possible. Of course, it's now harder for her to love me. So far she's managing.

It's gonna be tough, but that kind of love is tough for everyone. Way too many never find it.

[Amy Chislett]

I'm in a 3yr 'relation'ship that is at a tipping point now.  I am becoming apparent in my interests and tastes. I've tried pushing two non gender related roles for me.  One was a complete shutdown; the other a marginal acquiescence. I called for a get together this past month.  He said he was busy. I am willing to lie to myself to keep it going; better than sitting at home alone.