Emotions on the day of full time...

[Denise]

So coming out is one emotion - sheer terror then relief!
Telling your spouse - extreme sadness then more extreme sadness.
First trip out of the house - Nervous (okay terror too)

But the emotion I felt yesterday, the day before going full time was something else.
Melancholy, apprehension, relief, ...?

I was trying to describe this to a friend of mine and her take was PERFECT: 

You are feeling exactly the same as switching to a new job.  You were comfortable before, you will feel like a fish out of water for a while then in the end you will feel better than before.

And she was/is exactly right.  That is exactly how I feel.

[JeanetteLW]

Congrats Denise,

  I think I can relate to all those emotions though I haven't come out yet.

And yes I think she described the situation very well.
Venture forth and be happy.

  Huggs,
    Jeanette

[HappyMoni]

Dee,
   I remember talking to my therapist about going full time. I was concerned that some situation would have me wanting to scurry back to the safety of 'him.' I worried, I went full time, and almost 9 months later I   have never felt that need or desire. What you are doing has to be done. You have to go through this time, these feelings. You will get past it only by stepping up to the big, bad beast called fear and knocking it straight across the jaw with your purse. (Now there's a picture.) You will find great joy being yourself. You also will have times where you want to crawl up in a ball and cry. Just remember, it will get better and better.
   I had a training the last two days for work. I was with strangers. No one knew my story. I had to get up in front of everyone and act out scenarios of dealing with behaviors. The first day was okay. I was terrified. The second day, I lost all ability to have anything close to a feminine voice. What's the next step above terrified? But I got through it. It didn't kill  me. If anything it provided motivation for me to figure out why the voice comes and goes. My point is, I don't think anything like that will have the same effect on me again. Whatever it looked like, I handled it. I would suggest that as something you can say to yourself. "I can handle this."
   Good luck and enjoy, Girl.
Moni

[JessicaSondelli]

For me it was a huge relief to finally be able to live as my authentic self. I went through a very awkward time with embarrassing male fail situations before I was able to start living full-time on January 1 this year.

Hugs
Jessica


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[Denise]

For me it was a huge relief to finally be able to live as my authentic self. I went through a very awkward time with embarrassing male fail situations before I was able to start living full-time on January 1 this year.

With how you look (gorgeous BTW!) it's no surprise you had male fail.

[LizK]

So coming out is one emotion - sheer terror then relief!
Telling your spouse - extreme sadness then more extreme sadness.
First trip out of the house - Nervous (okay terror too)

But the emotion I felt yesterday, the day before going full time was something else.
Melancholy, apprehension, relief, ...?

I was trying to describe this to a friend of mine and her take was PERFECT: 
And she was/is exactly right.  That is exactly how I feel.

Glad you got there, hope things go as smoothly as possible.

Liz

[Rachel_Christina]

I still haven't done it, :/
I get so scared thinking of it, though I know it will be great.
Well done for getting past it

[Sandy]

Dee!

I wish all the best for you!  You are strong and wonderful!  You will experience a joy that you have never known!

-Sandy

[Denise]

Thank you all.  Today, first day for Denise at the job,  I realized the stress was on EVERY ONE ELSE!  It felt normal to me.  I was very surprised!

[JeanetteLW]

Hi Denise

  WELL DONE lady well done! I am glad your first day on the job went so well. I am sure as each day you and your coworkers will become more comfortable with  the new situation. But I am sure you could not have asked for a better day at work. What you have done this past week took real courage.  You are an inspiration to others not so brave. (like myself lol)  In a way I am glad I no long work.

  Bravo Dee Bravo.

  Hugs,
    Jeanette

[Denise]

Hi Denise

  WELL DONE lady well done! I am glad your first day on the job went so well. I am sure as each day you and your coworkers will become more comfortable with  the new situation. But I am sure you could not have asked for a better day at work. What you have done this past week took real courage.  You are an inspiration to others not so brave. (like myself lol)  In a way I am glad I no long work.

  Bravo Dee Bravo.

  Hugs,
    Jeanette

Thank you all for your comments and well wishes.

This is what I've learned this week.  I hope others find the same thing.
1) people are typically friendly and are happy for me.
2) it was WAY EASIER than I thought.
3) it just felt right so at NO POINT was I nervous.  I would have been a wreck if people had not known ahead of time.
4) everyone tries really hard (and succeeds!) on proper gendering.
5) The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.

With the exception of one person (my wife) this transition, for me, has been 1000 times easier than expected!

[Shy]

Congrats Denise,

I kind of likened the experience as a rollercoaster to normality. It's like whaaaaaa!!!???!!!?? for a while, then the ride stops, you get off, steady yourself, have a cheese and pickle sandwich and a nice cup of tea. Normal.

Shy