Hi everybody, I am Kirsa Moonwhisper, she/her, lesbian.
My backstory.
It started when I was very young. I started by stealing my younger sisters panties and would wear them, then sneak them back into the laundry. It came to an end when I joined the military and didn't reemerge until I was out and married. I would occasionally wear her panties like I had with my sister. That marriage ended in divorce for various reasons after 5 years, and I remarried. During this second marriage, I moved to wearing my wife's clothing whenever she was not around, and shaved my body a couple times. I must have let slip too much because my wife asked me one day if I thought I was trans. I told her I didn't know and was going to see a therapist to talk about it. She told me that I was just jumping on the "trans bandwagon" and she didn't see me as trans. I needed to drop it and never mention it again or she was going to take our son and leave. I told her I wasn't because I don't want to lose her (although I realize this may be inevitable,)
My therapist gave me an exercise called "live as if", where I spent one week believing my life would continue normally as it always had with me as a boy, and the second week telling myself that I was going to begin my transition soon. The first week ended and I just felt indifferent, but during the second week I felt a sense of peace and like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. My therapist is referring me to a gender specialist and I hope to hear from them soon.
As far as my dysphoria goes, I hate having body hair, and I have never really felt comfortable in my own body, like it was just wrong somehow. I love the feeling I get when I shave all my hair off or am wearing women's clothing, it feels right. I wear baggy clothes when I have to go in boy mode, which is pretty much all the time, and I think that helps hide the fact that everything (body and clothes) are just wrong.
My future plans are difficult to say. Hopefully the gender therapist will help me come to a more concrete conclusion to who I am. I have thought long and hard about it and come to some conclusions. I would start HRT immediately. I would try to get facial feminization surgery and a trachea shave. Possibly breast implants depending on how I developed. At first I was hesitant about bottom surgery but then thought about it and decided that since I was willing to go that far, why not go all the way. I like my penis, but I don't think that I would miss it.
Anyway, sorry about being so long winded, but I have nobody to talk too really. I went to a trans-women support group last Friday but was too terrified to really talk to anyone.
So thanks for reading!
Kisses
Kirsa.
