Are your transgender thoughts 'wants' or 'needs?'

[Jessie007]

Tbh I don't 'want' to be a dude. There's no "wouldn't it be cooler if I were a man" thoughts, from what I've seen men have it worse in lots of ways so it feels like a step down. There's no affinity for what I was born with either.

There's just the fact I am uncomfortable with my body, I am uncomfortable having or using female anatomy, I don't get along with people easily in this skin who see me as forceful and intimidating, and I isolate and deny myself most of life's fun experiences because none of it works right from this position, I don't even want to think about the sum of the mental toll and what it's done to me and how much it's screwed up my life.

It's a want to be more comfortable. It's a need to do so before I lose my ****.

That is pretty much exactly how I feel, except in reverse.

Jessie

[Maybebaby56]

Tbh I don't 'want' to be a dude. There's no "wouldn't it be cooler if I were a man" thoughts, from what I've seen men have it worse in lots of ways so it feels like a step down. There's no affinity for what I was born with either.

There's just the fact I am uncomfortable with my body, I am uncomfortable having or using female anatomy, I don't get along with people easily in this skin who see me as forceful and intimidating, and I isolate and deny myself most of life's fun experiences because none of it works right from this position, I don't even want to think about the sum of the mental toll and what it's done to me and how much it's screwed up my life.

It's a want to be more comfortable. It's a need to do so before I lose my ****.

A wonderful way to frame this "gift" of being transgender. I never wanted this. I chose to transition because I was so tired of the pain and frustration that anything seemed like an improvement.  I risked losing my friends, my family, and my career.  I managed to keep my career and most of my friends. But I may have finally found a path to being at peace with myself.

With kindness,

Terri

[JeanetteLW]

  Throughout my time growing up and to this date I have "wanted" to be a woman. Not always consciously mind you. Sometime I was satisfied being a boy/man. But as I look back on things I think about how I have always returned to my crossdressing. Sometimes with a vengeance. I am coming to the realizations that my "wants" may in fact have been "needs" I neither recognized nor wanted to acknowledge. So my answer of "wants" may well be wrong tomorrow when I fully accept myself as a woman. That is still a work in progress.

  Hugs,
   Jeanette

[kaitylynn]

I often find areas of my person that do not line up with any gender role, so there is a third category.  Overall?  Definitely Yin in most things, but there is that bit of Yang that I will always have and honestly do not mind.  Looking at it from a binary perspective, I WANT to be female and I NEED to transition.

[DawnOday]

I was running out of time at 64. Knowing I was different since childhood and covering up. For the first time in my life I am totally at ease. No regrets about taking the little green pills. Just wish they could make me walk in heels.

[V M]

I can't really say that it was a want or a need, I lived in denial for far too many years until I realized that it's just how it is

[Sinclair]

In the case of gender, wants and needs can't really be separated IMO. It's not as simple as a want for the newest Xbox gaming machine but knowing you can't afford it, and you really don't need it. I both want and need to be who I am. Maslow figured this out in the 1940s that self --- who you are --- is number one.

[RobynD]

The reason the distinction is not useless but perhaps not real helpful either is that there is a vast continuum between needs and wants and where do you draw the line?

I need oxygen in the next few minutes to keep living is one extreme.
I want to change my nail polish color for the week tomorrow is a want to the other extreme.

But in between are a whole lot of other ones with various levels of needs vs wants. Its actually fairly complex.

[MaybeJessica]

What a coincidence seeing this topic, I'm struggling right now with feeling that I "want" to "need" it.  I am definitely coming down from the worst of mulling over all of this, I don't know if that's just a normal calming phase, or trying to rebuild my walls, or whatever, but it's making me feel like a fraud and question whether I really only "wanted" to be transgender due to other issues, and don't need to be.  Life is persnickety.

[Scorpio2Scorpia]

I put mine on 50/50. While I have had this deep want to be female for as long as I can recall, it wasn't until recently I felt the need to do something about it. I have yet to speak with a professional about this, I have yet to make drastic changes in my life to setup for this; but I have sought out advice from my wife, and have been accepted by her as this is the path we both feel is the way I need to go. I don't want to change my entire life from what it has been for 35 years, but I need to acknowledge my needs too. There is the old saying, "I'm just a lesbian in a man's body", and wouldn't you know that's exactly how I've always felt (well not 100%, I'm more of a pan when it comes to guys).
I feel that we all have this want, this desire, to find ourselves, and the only way to be sure is we need to take steps in the direction we are all needing to go to do it.

[AlyssaJ]

I answered neither, and here's why.  I am a woman, period.  There is no want or need, it's just the matter of who I am. As a result I feel I need to have a female body to match my gender and set me free from this prison.  I suppose maybe that was the intent of the question but it wasn't how the answers were worded so, being very literal in nature, that's how I answered.

[davina61]

Even with a gob like this the brain tells me I am in the wrong body , not just thoughts but needs physical change as well. As in some off the above posts, if I don't do it now the change may never happen, 61 years in this meat suit is telling so NEEDS is what it is, this is after a long time of wants.

[Asche]

I have a hard time describing my experience in these terms.  I am the way I am and have pretty much always been this way (well, with some warping in childhood due to the utter unacceptability of who and what I was.)

It doesn't feel like my acceding to wants or needs.  It feels more like me trying stuff out and sticking with the things that make me feel better and more like me.  That is, I'm not aware of a need/want until I do something and realize that it "hits the spot."

To go with a popular analogy, it's like only discovering that the size and shape of shoe you normally wear are why your legs and feet hurt by putting on ones that fit better.  And when your feet stop hurting after a lifetime of foot pain, you can't make yourself go back to shoes that hurt.