Quote from: JeanetteLW on March 10, 2017, 01:23:08 PM
Hi Asche
I don't think it qualifies as terror. But it is definitely apprehension and fear.
I also do not think it is learning more about me
There is some aspect of " am I really trans " for sure but not so much.
Fear that this means it's going to be really real? This one is a FOR SURE. Each and every step has has filled me with apprehension and makes it more real. Each step feels as you say "irrevocable" They haven't made it any easier.
When I started HRT, I felt I could do it and stop if I decided it wasn't right for me, I haven't stopped and I am running out of that grace period where it wasn't irrevocable. I haven't stopped, yet. But I still have those nagging doubts. With each doctor visit I delve deeper into belonging here, really belonging. I think I fear that being true.
I'm not sure that makes any sense.
Jeanette
Heck I'm even crying about it now. Dang hormones.
You'll be fine! My GID therapist is my best friend! Amazing woman, and she locked right into my issues from Day 1.
I had the same apprehensions as you. Was I really trans? Can I be feminine appearing enough? Will I ever pass? Etc.
In a little less than 4 years time, she has helped fix, correct and fine tune so much in my life. I'm amazed that most things I can get through on my own now. Still have a little anxiety during tense situations and high stress situations, but mostly I've learned to control me. I'm but a shell of my former self. Happier, more outgoing, more positive, more friendly, less opinionated and my anger has totally subsided. So at peace. Which is something I never thought possible.
So be open minded, remember she/he is there to help. To help you figure you out, to address issues, grievances, past traumas, to work through current issues and situations and to help your sort your feelings out.
Embrace him/her as a positive thing. You will only get out of your therapy what you are willing to put into it. So attack it with a vengeance and go find the you that YOU know has been there along. You can do it! [emoji5]