introduction to the forum

[Jazmynne]

Hi, I am an 63 year old male, married and have grown children. I began this journey 2 years ago with the desire to have breasts. ever since that time I have been reading and reading to figure out myself and why I would want this. I have finally felt that I am transgender. a few nights ago in a restless sleep as usual a voice from within I think said yes I am transgender, and with that the most serene feeling of joy and happiness swept over me, it was like a weight had been lifted from me. I have had some breast growth but don't care to say how at this point. Yes it does feel right that I have them. In years past anytime there was a documentary on cable about transitioning people I viewed them with great interest at the time wondering why I would be. Now I believe this was starting to come to light then. I also have done a lgreat amount of reading on this forum about grs and what is involved and wished that wouldhappen for me but I know it wont.  I have not come out to my wife about this because I know it would not be good. I would so like to share this with her. as I have no one to talk to about this I thought it would be good to be here. I know there are some wonderful ladies on here who are a big help to anybody that asks. for a while I felt I was a crossdreamer  because I have always fantasied about being female, but I think now that there is more to it. the thoughts of this seems to be with me all the time especially at night and any time I am alone, it doesn't quit and no matter what I tell myself,that I need to stop all this it doesn't work. I would like to see a gender therapists but at this time wouldn't work out,there would be to many questions. I have given some thought to online therapy but have not pursued it any further. My finances just wont allow it at this time. I have so many thoughts and questions about being transgender but on the other hand I am happy at the same time about being so. I have not until now ever crossdressed and only underdress at that isn't for sexual gratification just feels right. sorrymy thoughts wander all over, not a very good writer I guess. there is a lot more to me but will stop here for now. thanks for listening.                     

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. This is always complex because some wives reject everything from the start while others are more angry that they weren't told than they are at their husbands being transgender. In you case, the first think you need to do is see a gender therapist. Some therapist charge on a sliding scale which means what you pay depends on your income. I haven't checked it out yet but it's possible that Social Security will pay for some of your care but make sure you sign up for a good supplemental policy along with part A and B when the time comes.

My feel for you is that you are transgender because you tell the same story that many before you have told. CIS people don't think about changing their gender and would not be comfortable with such a thought. I don't know if you have seen them yet, but I have two links I often give to people where you are. The first is our WIKI where the term transgender is explained. The second is "the transition channel" where a gender therapist will discuss transsexualism. Feel free to ask any questions you might have on this thread and we will do our best to answer them.

We issue to all new members the following links so you will best be able to use the web site.

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
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[Jazmynne]

thank you Dena for your help and advice. I have read thru some of the rules of this site before registering but will continue to read on it. Have looked at the transition channel before as well. I work 6 days per week so it will be hard to do. but there has to be a first step. These thoughts of all this is with me constantly and its becoming hard to deal with.   

[AnneK]

Hi Jazmynne

In many ways you sound like me and are in a similar position.  Like you I'm considering my options, balanced against the reality of my life.  Like you, I also want breasts.  In fact, I even asked my doctor about that last week.

[Niki Knight]

Hi Jazmynne, Welcome to Susan's place. So many of the girls here have the same issues to face and resolve. We all have to do it in our own way and what we feel is best. My suggestion is to see a gender therapist like Dena mentioned. You will find they can be extremely helpful getting your feelings sorted out and making you feel more comfortable with yourself.

I am 57 and have been on hormones for almost 3 months. I wanted to transition at 42 (well actually at 12 but thats another story all together) but having some of the same issues you have  I held on to make my wife of 26 years happy as well as those around me. I wanted to do the right thing or so I thought was the right thing. I didn't want to be selfish etc. I held everything inside and battled myself everyday stopping the girl within. Well I blew apart holding everything in and realized something.
You have to be true to yourself first then tackle life head on.
I came out to my wife prior to our marriage but she didn't really believe me.
She now sees me present as female most of the time.
Im glad I told her, she hates it to the point of divorce and will see how things pan out but my point is
Im able to go to bed at night being honest with myself and moving forward living my real life.
Easier said than done and it took me close to 15 years to come to terms with it.
This is just me and you will have to find your own path in the remaining part of your life.
I thought you might like to know that someone else is going through similar things.
My wife and I talk every week about it now and will come to terms one way or the other but at
least were open and honest and will remain friends because of it no matter what happens.

Just a Niki Rant. Good luck Hon and were all here to help.

[V M]

Hi Jazmynne 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

[Jazmynne]

finally found the time to post a big thankyou to you ladies for the warm welcome I received, and Niki being called Hon it was so nice to hear that.   

[JeanetteLW]

Hi Jazmynne

  I'm Jeanette, 64, MtF and on HRT a little over 3 months. I am here to give you my unofficial since you had already had official ones. You've opened the door to Susan's Place and peeked inside, now it is time to come on in. Behold the door is wide open an the lights are on! Come on in and make yourself at home. There's a vacant recliner over there--> V M is usually in it sipping on her iced tea but as you can see she is out gallivanting around somewhere. You said you were reading the postings here... good , good, there's a lot of good stuff to be had here. Lots of good people too. Most won't bite either.
  Your story and mine are a bit different but we do share that part of wanting our very own boobs!!! My are sore at the moment. Growing pains don'tcha know They say they will be sore for quite awhile yet and they can hurt too. It would be funny discovering all the ways the let you know they are there if it didn't hurt so sharply when they do. And mine are still at the beginnings. I want more, lots more but will be happy with what I get I think. I already like what I have after only 3 months. :-)  I hope you get to grow yours soon and can resolve the issues you face that keeps you from becoming who you want to be. I too will echo the therapy advice as everyone else has. I think it can only be beneficial for you. I go for my first visit with a gender therapist tomorrow morning myself!

  Welcome again Jazmynne

  Hugs,
    Jeanette