So tired of negativity

[Larisa]

Im really getting tired of being told who I am. Yesterday it was I was called a feminine boy when Im not, Im a girl. Today, I get told after getting called a ma'am that I should cut my hair and this and all. Im like thinking why? What is it to you to know what I should look like? Being called ma'am didnt upset me obviously yet it should for some reason to this person. 

It seems lately like the above people have something to say of who I am or what I should be. It's very frustrating! Like Im gonna get my ends of my hair trimmed up later this week as I already planned to do but it's staying long and pretty. It's a few inches below my neck now and I am not going to cut it, suffer and all just because some know it all thinks they know better. It's so hard to be me when I feel like Im being told who I should be according to them. The feminine boy comment I can look past but the hair comment and what I had to deal with today just well like leave me alone.

I know I shouldnt care what others think but it's hard to ignore such negativity. I do try to have the thinking of Im a girl, I know who I am, I know what I have to do be me and if anyone thinks the opposite, that is their problem, not mine.

[Daniellekai]

It sounds like you're still presenting male despite feminizing your appearance. I say that because that's about the reaction I get from people while I'm presenting long hair, nice butt, but slacks and button down shirt and leather dress shoes and a beard. I don't much expect to be gendered correctly this way. In fact, I expect people to try to stop me from looking like a girl even harder as the transition continues, until the day I tell them or start presenting as female I can't really complain about it...

You seem ahead of me though, I can't call myself a girl in my head without stuttering yet, even though I know it's true. If you are presenting female and just don't pass or something, then that's totally on them for being jerks, remind them that they wouldn't talk to a cis woman that way no matter how she looked!

[Larisa]

I do still appear male to people and I can deal with sir and I have my reasons for not fully transitioning although I have in someways that are not so obvious. There are things I do to be me and not transition as I know it wouldnt like natural possibly. Yes I have more female parts like my arms, hands, shoulders and I do have a more female waist and for this Im lucky but I do present male. I can tell when people are being rude and judgemental and when they mean no harm.

Id be lying to myself if I called myself a boy. It's not a problem when people call me by my birth name which starts with a m. I dont want to say my full birth name here. It's other things that bother me like what I said. Im very comfortable calling myself, a girl or any female pronouns. It's stuff like being referred to as a man for example that make me cringe. Male pronouns are horrible. Again I can tell when one means no harm and when they are being rude intentionally.

[Daniellekai]

It's hard to wrap my brain around it too, but some people act like jerks to hide their own insecurities. They'll call you girly because they wouldn't want to look like that and it would make them feel wrong, just like we feel in our born gender. It doesn't come from a place of concern for you, but the sentiment is the same. It's concern for themselves if they were you, with the exception of types who would get violent (unfortunately you can't easily tell), they'll be much nicer if you came out, ironically because now they can't put themselves in your shoes, because they'd never wear women's shoes :p.

It's the difference between being one of the guys, with something that's a bit different about you, and being one of the girls (maybe still with something a bit different about you, but that's ok.).

I overhear people talking about my butt, or my hair quite often, and sometimes they'll even say something like that to be mean, but in their head they're not being mean, they're just "busting your balls". People are never evil on purpose in my experience. Even the violent types think it's the right thing to do for some reason, at least in the moment. Most will feel ashamed after, hindsight is 20/20 even for them. I've been told I have a zen-like world view >.>

[RobynD]

I really do not get while people feel so strongly about categorization and organization of people by gender either. Often they do though, particularly older people. There are so many double standards and other such silliness in all of it.

There are many days that i do not dress ultra-feminine and decide it is pain to put on much makeup. I tend to get misgendered more on those days of course but i hate the feeling that other people are forcing me to present in one way or another. Yesterday i was literally wearing very skinny jeans, a pink top, boots with heels on them and had my hair in clips and i got a "sir". (maybe it was the leather jacket - i dunno ) To be sure i did not have makeup on but still....

Yesterday a friend said i really want to see your hair like this..... and while i do appreciate idea of the help and suggestions, it sort of rubbed me the wrong way. I politely thanked her though and agreed. Perhaps i was being rebellious yesterday.

[Sinclair]

I really do not get while people feel so strongly about categorization and organization of people by gender either. Often they do though, particularly older people. There are so many double standards and other such silliness in all of it.

There are many days that i do not dress ultra-feminine and decide it is pain to put on much makeup. I tend to get misgendered more on those days of course but i hate the feeling that other people are forcing me to present in one way or another. Yesterday i was literally wearing very skinny jeans, a pink top, boots with heels on them and had my hair in clips and i got a "sir". (maybe it was the leather jacket - i dunno ) To be sure i did not have makeup on but still....

Yesterday a friend said i really want to see your hair like this..... and while i do appreciate idea of the help and suggestions, it sort of rubbed me the wrong way. I politely thanked her though and agreed. Perhaps i was being rebellious yesterday.

I totally relate to this. As I have said before, presenting as who I am is a hell of a lot of work. For me, It's the face. HRT takes time to soften the skin and, of course, beard issues can remain. I don't have bad blue beard or anything, but, still have facial hair I don't want. Recently, I was stopped at a traffic light and the sun was low and shinning brightly into everyone's car. I could identity the gender of drivers and passengers by the glow, or lack there of, of their faces. It was actually an reaffirmation that I need to get laser or whatever done. The cis female faces literately glowed, the males, nope. It's a weird little happening, but reinforced that I still have more work to do. Cripes .. unfortunately, I don't get paid for this second job of being who I am.