Need help with mannerisms and behaviour

[AuroraSophia]

Hi all,

I've been talking about my transition process with a friend and she brought up that one of the reasons I can't fully pass yet, is due to the fact that my mannerisms tend to lean more towards that of a slightly effeminate gay person (sorry if offend anyone with my terms) than feminine. I understand that some of it has to do with overdoing jestures. Another part is played by voice training.

My question is, from the mannerisms point of view, how do you learn to tone down your behaviour such that it becomes feminine, or rather is there anything that I need to take note of in order to avoid these pitfalls.

Many thanks and hugs
Aurora

[Sinclair]

Most of these mannerisms are learned behavior. I used to watch cis females and study how they walked, stood, talked, gestured, etc. What I've learned is that overall you simply soften your physical presence.  Walk and stand with your hips. Swing one arm when walking, stand lose, with a knee bent, and a hand placed backward on your hip, for example. All this takes is some practice. Not all cis females do this, I know plenty who walk and gesture like men. The point is, be subtle and relaxed. Look like you are relaxed, not ready for a fight. Over gesturing is just learned, habitual behavior. Soften your presence. Voice issues are a bit more complex. But, practice makes perfect! Good luck sweetie. 

[Amanda_Combs]

In my experience, you'll get a solid handful of gestures in your arsenal by just relaxing.
I sometimes look for an opportunity to be alone for a while, and I pay attention to every move I make.  I look for things I already do that look feminine, and things I do to try and fit in with men.  This new do and don't list materialises very quickly.  That gives you time to observe other women.  This is what I do, anyway, hope it helps!


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[AuroraSophia]

I'm guessing I need to spend more time at my local starbucks to observe all these ^_^

Thank you for the replies.

[Shy]

Often it's hard for women, trans of not, because there are so many unrealistic expectations forced upon us to act and look a certain way.
I never wanted to make the mistake of replacing one act with another. You're allowed to be yourself.
How people perceive you is up to them, it's not something you can control. If I try too hard (and I have) I just become a parody of myself. It feels fake, empty and disingenuous.
People can sense if you're faking things or 'overdoing gestures' as you put it. Just be natural, it's already all there girl. You're already feminine, just relax and enjoy your individuality.

Shy.

[Lilly3]

Hi there,

I'm a cis woman, so I might be able to help you out a bit with this.

If you are having problems with over the top "gay male imitation of feminine" movements. I think what would be best would be to actually "travel back in time". Watch some really old movies and get some deportment books from the late 1800's early 1900's.

This is the real old stuff, the good stuff on etiquette and manners and movements. (I have a bit of a thing for this time period, but I always receive compliments on my gracefulness even as a cis woman)

Be graceful rather than over the top.
Slow down your movements, think of yourself as a Noble woman or something (not a princess as the brain can associate that with over the top girly movements)

My advice is to slow everything down, so that you don't react in large movements or hand flicks. Think as calmly as possible like you are handling small creatures etc.

This should maybe help you to "reset" your learned behaviour movements. From there you can start to normalise things again to today's more relaxed environment.. There isn't really too much difference in male and female movements in today's world. Other than I think males take up more space.. Eg. Sitting with legs open compared to females sitting cross legged.

But this older style of movement still actually exists subconsciously in many females as its still passed down in small hints of how females should behave, even in today's society.

But essentially it's okay to be yourself.


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[Lilly3]

What @Sinclair said is actually perfect


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[Janes Groove]

http://library.transgenderzone.com/?page_id=605#.WMrCcvHyuMA

[Sinclair]

What @Sinclair said is actually perfect

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Thank you Lilly. Validation from a cis female ... you just made my day! 

[judithlynn]

xx

[JosieXOXO]

I've been thinking about this a lot.  The best advice I've heard is to remember that cis girls don't try to be girly. Forget all the stereotypical things and remember that there are all sorts of different girls also. 

Here's a good example.  Walking feminist e is about two things. Putting your wieght on your toes when wearing heels, and regardless of whether your wearing heels or not your legs stay close together, you take shorter steps, and walk a straight line like your on a tight rope.  When you do those things everything else falls into place.  You don't try to sway your hips, it just happens because you walk like that.

Hope that helps

Xoxo

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