Update on my journey

[Rfisher0175]

So last Thursday I had my first appointment with my counselor. I didn't go as well as I'd hoped. My counselor told me he doesn't think I'm trans because I don't have the dislike of my body that I should. I'm pretty sure that I do but I may not have explained myself well enough to him. I told him that I'm not pleased with the way I look and never have been able to look at myself in the mirror. It's more than just that but I was so nervous and fearing not sounding cliche I must have not got my feelings across we'll enough.

I absolutely hate being male. I don't get severe dysphoria but I do get it. I've started wearing panties and a sports bra under my "man" clothes during the day and it helps eliviate the euphoria a bit. At night when I'm finally alone I'll wear more womens clothing and that helps more but I still feel it's not enough.

I fantasized about being a woman since before puberty. I've been mostly indifferent to having a penis. I don't like it but it's a part of me so what am I going to do. I'm sure a lot of you ladies and gentlemen on here feel or have felt the same way as I do. I'm just very frustrated about what my counselor said but at least he is still willing to explore my transition further.

Thanks,

Ryan

P.s. he told me dressing like a woman is probably a fetish for me because I get aroused by dressing up at first. Is this normal? Anyone else experience that at the beginning of their transition? Ugh son confused still.

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[CoriM]

Wow. It sounds as if this counselor is doing some serious gatekeeping. If you're satisfied that he's not going to shut you down in the future or make demands on your transition, or if there's NO other counselors available, stick with him.
Otherwise, shop for a new one. If you're in the US Psychology Today has a fairly compensative list of available counselors by region, who deal with transgender issues. That's where I found mine, and he's pretty open.

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[Rfisher0175]

Yeah the problem with finding another one is I'm on state funded insurance so I'm limited to where I can go.

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[Dena]

I would disagree with your doctor. I had social dysphoria where I was very uncomfortable in society as a male. RLE was sufficient to reduces a good deal of what I was feeling and I could have lived without surgery had it not been available. I decided that being a male had nothing I desired so I completed my journey and had surgery. I have never regretted that decision and I have about 35 year of proof behind it. If your doctors doesn't understand this, you need another doctor.

[Rfisher0175]

I have another appointment with him on Wednesday and am going to try and explain myself better.

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