I want to tell my parents...

[Britt116]

So I wan't to let my parents know that I think I am transgender, however, I am having trouble building up confidence. I keep on thinking about losing all my friends and being made fun of in school if I come out. When I think of my future, I want to come out sooner so that I can get the best results, but I don't want to deal with people my age making fun of me so I'm stuck. I want to tell my parents that I want to see a therapist but not tell them for what and then maybe the therapist could help me build up courage to talk. I don't even have enough courage to tell my parents I just want to see a therapist... lol. In a perfect world, I would have started transitioning before high school and then I would be good now and in a crowd of people that like me. Now, I am past the cliques phase so senior year is looking good in my head and then going into college transgender. I just don't want to wait that long but I don't want to come out in high school because I will be made fun of and lose friends. So you can see my dilemma here. Any help?

[Gertrude]

I think a therapist would help you with this and other things too. That's the first step.

So, tell us about your parents and more about yourself.


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[J2J]

Tough one, I can relate a little although I am in my early 20's I still don't have the courage to tell my Mum anything, therapy sounds like a good starting point tho.

I hope everything works out well for you!

[Britt116]

So more about me and my parents... I am 1 of 4 kids that my parents have (all boys) and I'm a sophomore in high school. My mom has said before that she will love all of us no matter what so I'm not worried about her leaving me if I come out. My dad works and my mom stays home with my little brother during the day. I am the second oldest and I wrestle for a sport. I am a pretty basic person. My dad is home after 5 most days and leaves early in the morning so I would probably end up coming out to my mom. Oh yeah, I used to go to counselling for anxiety... let's just say I had a bad teacher and that's why my parents thought I would act out sometimes even though it was because I got the feeling a tiny bit then.

[Denise]

A suggestion.  How about a guidance councilor?  Tell them that you are stressed out (no reason necessary) and is there a councilor that you can see.

With hundreds of kids that the councilor would have seen, I doubt you would be the first.

For me being diagnosed with gender dysphoria was always my opening line when coming out to people.  That way it was medical and not my idea.  People's​ first reaction seemed to be ... I don't want to say pity but maybe that's it.

I'm 35 years out of high school so my friends have grown out of the teasing phase (mostly) so that is not a concern.  But losing them is.  So far none have left. 

Be honest with people and treat them with respect.  Take the high road and walk away from teasers with your head held high. 

Story: one of my tormenters in high school was hiding that he was gay.  You just never know.

[Daniellekai]

Most of my real friends have something"weird" about them too so I'm not too worried about losing any of them, but at your age while it'll suck for now, you might never see most of those friends after high School again, except for like your best friends, even then if you go to different colleges you may just drift apart. Put life long goals like this ahead, and hope that they surprise you basically.

[Denise]

Most of my real friends have something"weird" about them too so I'm not too worried about losing any of them, but at your age while it'll suck for now, you might never see most of those friends after high School again, except for like your best friends, even then if you go to different colleges you may just drift apart. Put life long goals like this ahead, and hope that they surprise you basically.

Wise words.  I think I've seen less than 10 in almost 40 years.  It might suck now but transitioning in high school will result in awesome outcome.  The longer the wrong hormones flood your body....

[AlyssaJ]

Lots of good advice here.  Yes, certainly there are logistical reasons to start as soon as you can with at least hormone therapy.  That said, you can't start anything until you're ready and honestly IMHO you're not ready until you've reached the point where you've decided your own mental health is important enough to make it worth the potential struggles.  Each of us finds that point at a different time.  You've got a good start being that you're young and have already accepted what is going on (unlike me, for instance, who sat in denial for 39 years). 

Transition is an uphill battle and you don't want to fire that first shot until you're sure you're ready to see it through no matter the costs.  I'm not trying to tell you not to move forward, quite the opposite, but you need a certain mindset to be successful.  If you're gonna do it, I want you to be successful.  So that's where, as others have mentioned, a therapist or counselor is needed.  Coming out to your parents may help you find one, but of course there is the risk of what will their reaction be.  A school counselor may or may not be helpful, but might be worth a try.