As a nonbinary trans man who's had to clean both men's and women's bathrooms at a restaurant, I don't think there's any rhyme or reason on any given day how clean those bathrooms were. Sometimes the men's had pee everywhere, sometimes the women's did. Sometimes the women's had random scrawlings on the walls, sometimes the men's did. Typically, both were overflowing with trash, and I was expected to somehow clean them both (multiple times a shift, preferably) while making my manager watch the host stand for as little time as possible.
As far as "real world" experience goes, I've seen some pretty nasty women's restrooms, and since being able to comfortably pass while using the men's, a few nasty men's rooms, too. For the most part, however, both have been about as clean as I'd expect a public restroom to be. Which isn't spotless, but not so bad that I refuse to use it.
I've thankfully never experienced violent speech or inappropriate comments in either restroom, though I realized about a month ago that I needed to be more careful. A kind woman in her twenties held the door open for me as I left the restroom and called me "dude" in a friendly, but pointed way, and my stubble certainly showed it. I used to defer to the women's if the men's was crowded, especially after shaving, but I suddenly realized how obviously masculine I'd become.
Now that I've had top surgery and am trying to grow out my beard again, that gender-neutral bathroom design feels like the safest, most comfortable public restroom in the world. I don't expect to be harassed in the men's room, but I'm certainly terrified of it.
- Alexander