Really feeling that dysphoria today.

[ProbablyOliver]

I've been watching a lot of transition videos recently, and though usually I find them incredibly inspiring and they give me a lot of hope, I kicked over into really being incredibly bummed out by my current reality and I haven't been able to shake it for a few days.

I've been binding regularly for a few weeks, and I have a very masculine haircut, and I don't shave (which may be TMI but is generally one of the "how to feel for masc" tips I run across), and I wear exclusively men's clothes and I use dude body wash and shampoo and cologne and I'm still having a really hard time with feeling wrong wrong wrong. I feel too small and too feminine and too curvy and it's really, really wrecking me today. I haven't started therapy yet - though I'm looking into it still and trying to find someone who specializes in gender stuff, though at this point I might make a concession there and see someone who's not necessarily a gender therapist but will still work with me toward HRT - and everything just feels impossible and far away.

I'm out to a handful of my close friends and one of my family members - I want to come out to the others but I want to wait until I'm ready to start transitioning but right in this moment I'm really doubting myself. Not like, doubting that I want it, but it feels like I'm never going to pass and I'm always going to be this way and it's just really bringing me down today.

I don't really know what I'm asking for here, I just sort of needed to get it off my chest, I guess. If anyone has any recommendations for how to keep functioning through all of this, I would really appreciate them.

Thanks.

- Oliver

[SailorMars1994]

My advice is probably going to suck and be the least helpful. But in these situtions I try my darnest to fixate on the good and not fixate on the bad. At the early bits of my transition I would be filled with excitment but also jealousy of other transwomen who made leaps and bounds up to and including GRS. It sucks, but soon you will get to your desitantation. Take plessure with the bits you have done now <3

Hugs-Ashley

[Elis]

My advice is probably gonna suck too but I'll try my best. I would start by stop watching the transition vids; when I was pre T I used to avoid them as it made my dysphoria and mental health worse. Apart from that the only thing you can do is wait it out and try to get used to feeling this way; because you're doing everything you can to feel better but without the right hormones you can't do much to permanent get rid of that awkward dysphoria feeling.

Also try to keep thinking of the positives like sailormoon mention. Think where you were a year ago and where you are now. Time gpes by quicker than you think and before you know it you'll be on T.

[Kylo]

If you're not on HRT you can't see what T can do yet. It does rearrange the fat on the body and takes much of the curve factor away from the body and face, provided you set a goal for minimizing body fat.

Waiting sucks. I would probably concentrate on building yourself up mentally and becoming comfortable with the mental/social aspects of being male while you wait which is what I did. Even on HRT there is a wait for it to do its work, which can take up to around 5 years for some people.

Of course one of the main coping mechanisms I used was body dissociation, but I wouldn't recommend that if you're trying to improve your body's look and health. The other is to become comfortable with a mindset of goals and progression. You can work out to get a head start if you are not doing it already.   

[Alanna1990]

keep yourself away from transition videos, it can mess your head if you're not on HRT, before I began on HRT I used to avoid the mirror, it's hard to look at yourself, you may look fantastic one day, and the other look like if somebody pulled you out the garbage dump, try to relax and maybe you could do some weightlifting or something, that make the body grow muscles out of your curvy exterior, also, exercise make everybody produce T.