Along with lifelong depression, I am sure a large part due to repressed feelings of wanting to be female, I also suffer from OCD which is primarily just obsessive thoughts, like repetitive counting or music phrases. I believe that as a kid, wanting to be a girl was not compatible with a strict father or culturally accepted way back 50 years ago. I believe that I started to have obsessive thoughts as a protective mechanism against emotional destruction. I remember while in the family car counting the lines on the highway, 1, 2,3,4,5 over and over again. Instead of dealing with my thoughts and fantasies of being a girl, I blocked those thoughts with the counting, especially in the presence of my father. Now that I have accepted that I am transgender, the OCD has calmed down somewhat. I was wondering if anyone else had a similar experience or suffered from OCD. This is different by the way from Transgender OCD, although I do obsess about shopping for and dressing up in panties, pantyhose and camisoles under my clothes.
