Howdy

[VacuousRom]

Howdy,

  My name is VacuousRom. I'm 31 years old living in south eastern Wyoming. I hope to be moving to Northern Colorado in the next few months.
 
  I have been seeing a counselor for the past year with the hopes of fixing what I felt was, "something off in my life." Got antidepressants etc. worked through childhood issues, you know the works. I thought I was going to be free and clear but even with all that work something still felt off. I didn't want to admit what I did as a child, Loved playing with the girls instead of boys, asking my cousins to dress me up like a girl sneaking around at night wearing my moms underwear (yuck) and makeup. It got to the point that I was sick of still feeling off so I told my counselor about my childhood and attempted suicide in my twenties, and how I felt "trapped." All this lead to me "coming out" to my counselor and myself.
 
  I am also a struggling stand up comedian, trust me you wouldn't know me, damn I barely knew myself, heh. Just looking for advice and help with what is a whole new world for me.
 

[V M]

Hi VacuousRom 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

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Hugs

V M

[JeanetteLW]

Well Howdieeeeee VacuousRom

  I'm Jeanette aka Mean rotten old fart in a cowboy hat. Hmmm I guess I'll have to change that to a cowgirl hat now.
Anyway I am 64, MTF and doing HRT. I am also a self appointed greeter here at Susan's Place. Welcome!  welcome. It sounds like you are in the right place. There are lots of us here that are going, or have gone through what you are just not beginning to admit and explore. I did those same things that you related and did them for over 55 years before I started to face a new realization about myself. I've a long ways to go yet.
  Come on in and have a seat, get comfortable as there are lots of things to read that you'll be able to relate to. Read what interests you, comment if you feel like it, get to know us through what we have to say. Ask you questions many here will try to answer them for you. If you are struggling, let us know so we can try to help and give you support. ou are important to us and we are glad to have you here.

  Be welcome VacuousRom

Jeanette

[karenk1959]

Hi VacuousRom, I have a very similar story, although it took me to age 57 to figure it out. I fantasized about being a girl when I was a kid and I too dressed up in my mother's underwear. I liked to play with my girlfriend's dolls. Then all those feelings and desires became repressed, especially living with a strict father. I then developed life-long depression. It wasn't till I was much older and married for several years that the repressed feelings began to break through although I didn't understand them. While away at conferences, I started to buy and wear pantyhose. Afterward, I would feel so ashamed, but the next chance I got, the unbearable urge to dress in pantyhose came back. I finally found a good therapist just about 9 months ago. I went to therapy thinking I would be talking about my depression and strict father, but soon began talking about my urges to crossdress. It didn't take long to realize that those urges were part of my true desire to be a woman. When I finally admitted it, my depression became much better. Initially, my wife seemed to totally understand, was happy I was less depressed and didn't seem to mind that I was buying panties and pantyhose to wear under my pants. I also bought a sexy lace bra to wear in private. I had a draw that I kept everything in. I didn't want to hide things.  But, soon after she couldn't deal with her husband crossdressing and my marriage seemed to be on the verge of disintegrating. I threw everything out(what a waste). I suppressed my desires and thought I could make it all go away. It made my depression worse to the point that I underwent 5 weeks of ECT. Of course that didn't work. Just 2 weeks ago, with the help of good talks with my wife, I have finally realized that I am transgender. My desire to be a woman is not going away. I realized that I need to be true to my self. My depression has gotten better again. I am planning on going shopping soon, but taking it slow. Don't know what will eventually happen with my marriage, but I am being hopeful. What else can I do?

[VacuousRom]

Thank you for the introductions, I do really appreciate it. It is good to see that my story is not so different from others.