Your other self and do you believe in it.

[FinallyMichelle]

Okay, so I have 2 trans friends. They know how I feel I guess and would never ask this.

My sister is not so enlightened however, and she just asked:

Do you ever miss your other Self?
What?
The boy, do you ever miss Michael?
Like as in dating gay men?
No, do you ever miss being a boy, your other Self?

Not that struck me as odd, but "other self" I don't get it. I don't understand when people say, when you are Michelle, or when you are Michael. Please help.

What does she mean? I only have enough energy to be one person and even if I did I am just me. Girl, plain and simple. How do I be both?

[Dena]

I suspect that what she means is do you miss life before you started the transition. Some members mention missing things like male privilege, being able to walk out the door with half an hour prep time or any number of other things we no longer have when we transition. Not everybody misses things form the old life so there is nothing wrong with you if you are content in your current life.

Just remember that the reason for the transition may never be clear to a CIS person as many think we have a choice in the matter. I suspect your sister may be thinking the lesser of two evils rather than no other option.

[Michelle_P]

Some folks have the idea that we have two complete and separate identities and personalities.  One is associated with our 'assigned at birth' gender, and the other is associated with our core gender identity.

For many of us, it is a bit closer to the truth to say that we just have one identity and personality at our core, but since it doesn't match our assigned at birth gender, we constructed a protective persona to simulate being our assigned gender.  This was built on our actual personality with telltale bits of our actual identity suppressed and imitations of the assigned gender behaviors that we develop added in to make the persona more realistic.  Think 'method acting'.

Some people mistake the changes they see when we stop hiding behind that persona as a complete switch of personality.  Nope, it's just us, no longer faking some stuff, no longer concealing other stuff.    When they talk about missing him/her, what they miss is the faked up bits, and the 'disturbing' formerly hidden bits of us that they get to see now.

It take me less effort by a long shot to just be Michelle, and stop running the Michael persona.  Getting rid of the simulation between me and the rest of the world greatly improves my social interaction, which may also be seen by some as a personality change.

Oh, well.  Nope, it's just me in here.

[FinallyMichelle]

Both of you could be right. I never considered

How narcissistic of me. Kinda feel terrible now. I honestly thought that I was having a psychotic episode, or old age was catching up to me. It was like they were giving me directions. I am kinda smart, not like super smart but 8 get by. If someone gives me directions it's like.

Take the second left. A mile or so you take a right on Oak. Wa, wah, what, WA wa. I KNOW they are speaking English but I can't understand. That is what it felt like. Seriously I know you can't even speak French that well, what are you saying. Ooooo, Ooooo! It's like if someone explains a carburetor. How do you understand that? Wait, do they still have carburetors?

I guess that it wouldn't bother me but I hav3 been full time for almost 2 years and they have all known for almost 4 years.

Still, I have never thought of myself as two people, is this common?

[Dena]

How narcissistic of me.

One problem is walking a mile in another persons shoes. Our history  gives us our view of the world but it easy not to understand another persons view point without a good deal of questioning. It's not so much narcissistic because everybody does it. Consider a new born baby. All they care about is what they want. They may want a diaper change, milk or a good hug and rocking to sleep. We are much the same but most of us somewhere along the line try to see things from another persons view point. We are not always successful and that's where disagreements come from.

[Daniellekai]

Sometimes I refer to my male self and female self as different people, but it isn't because I view them as such, it's just an easy way to express "male mode" and "female mode", I don't say it as X mode because I don't really relate to that either, the analogy of two selves fits best, although it's still rough around the edges because of the whole I'm only one person thing, it fits with the way I process things.

[RobynD]

For me it is the same person. Just evolved in a healthier direction and with a new name and looks.

[kelly_aus]

I had no other self.. I just renamed and repackaged the same old product.

[julia-madrid]

Hello all

This is a fascinating question relating to the continuity of identity.  I believe that our core remains as it is, and our key adaptations relate to our social role and the physical manifestation of our persona.  I often explained to people that what they were seeing in the past was a false identity to protect me from society and from myself.

It's a tough question to ask about how we see ourselves before and after.  I see a continuous progression, marked by a singular event, followed by a year of very rapid progression, and now, life as normal.

The one area where I had to make an interesting change was with talking about my past.  I live in Spain, and when referring to people in Spanish, nouns, adjectives and adverbs have to match gender.  At the start of my transition, when I talked about myself in the past - mainly with friends -  I used the gender that applied at that time.  But eventually I got sick of it and just decided to change  the past.  Hence, my sister and I were always sisters etc.  It's a kind of doublethink even now, where I do it for convenience even though it comes naturally, but I still know that it's not strictly correct.

As for missing "him", no way Josefina 

Hugs to y'all
Julia

[Wild Flower]

Having another self would mean you either have multiple personality disorder or you're reincarnating into other bodies through Voodoo.

[Shy]

There was a false persona as I tried to find ways to fit into societies binary idea of gender, but the core me has always been the default female. I even have trouble identifying with the idea transitioning, it's quite a hard concept for me to grasp as i'm still going to be me whatever.
I've never had the notion that I'll be leaving something behind. There are memories that I'll always carry, but very few where I felt comfortable with my gender assignment. Most of it was me just trying to survive as a women dressed as a man in a male dominated society.

[jentay1367]

I don't really understand the concept as a binary ts woman. I am me..... She is me...and he was a construct of other peoples perception of me, solely based on how I physically presented and what I perceived to be my own protection.

[Kylo]

People on the outside see a different person, it seems. Some think you "replace" the old vision or even that the person they knew has "died". They see two different people or personas.

To me this is nonsensical, and I don't believe in a dichotomy any more than I believe that 10 year old me was a completely different person from 20 year old me or 30 year old me, because of appearances and personality differences. They are different, sure, but I did not kill/retire/replace my 10 year old self with my 30 year old self. I just evolved or grew into it. If they asked "do I miss 10 year old me", I would say no, because that me is still present inside.

[FinallyMichelle]

So it all might all come down to perception? Can't fault anyone for that. Not that I was looking to place fault, ha, just trying to figure out if something I was doing was leaving people with the wrong impression.

If anything it was a choice I made long ago.

I mean we mimic right? In so many ways it's gotten us to where we are. As children we want to be like our parents, or in my case the nearest available parent figures. This turn of phrase, that way they stand. We are all unique and no one is an amalgam of those around them but so much of what we are are things that we have seen or heard someone do. And it goes on our whole lives. 5 years ago I knew the phrase "Double Down" it's a gambling term, no one ever said it outside of gambling though. Now in the US if I watch the news even a half an hour a day I will hear it at least once per week. There is a reason why we are the people we hang around, making a great case for choosing our friends wisely.

Not going into my childhood too much but in the mid 1970s my choices, my mimicking, was highjacked. What I wanted or wanted to be did not matter. So I chose to fit in and be like the people they wanted me to be like. They had my best interests at heart and where I grew up well let's just say that people like me did not last. So even though it didn't fit I became what they wanted by watching the boy aliens around me and doing what they did. It didn't feel comfortable and I had very few friends but no one ever guessed. Then when puberty slammed home in the eighties I lost that, I couldn't imagine anything being worse than what was happening to my body. Being myself I lost everything and everyone but my older brother. I was hospitalized so I could be fixed. I renewed my vow to be normal and really dug in to be like other guys. Sports, military, I did what it took. My brother has always known but no one else ever guessed. They just thought that I was an arrogant, quiet snob. I have never been promiscuous had few lovers and kept myself busy enough that my lack of girlfriend was never noted.

Took me a few days took to work this out in my head with everyone's help here. Thank you.

I didn't become someone else, I wasn't one person then and another now. The choice I made then wasn't me, it was what I thought I had to do to survive. Then it started killing me. So I had to let it go. Pick up where I had left off when I was a child. As myself.

So to the world I have been 2 people.

Funny. When I was being what everyone expected and not myself, I was the same thing to everyone. Well, almost. Now that everyone sees me for who I really am they still look at that boy as the real me and the gay? girl? trans? or question mark? as the choice I made. This has always been me, I just chose to no longer hide it. At least I am happy now.

[noleen111]

I dont see my male life as the other me.. I was always female, she was just set free.

As a guy was very withdraw and very lonely.. I never really had friends. The first I dressed up fully so I looked female on the outside as well.. It felt like this was right. My first hormone injection, it felt like I got switched on and my life started.

Now.. as woman.. I am very outgoing and the life of the party. I actually have close circle of friends.

I dont miss the so called male privilege.. maybe because I never used it.. I dont mind taking longer to get ready in the morning.. I dont mind putting on makeup, shaving my legs, have to wear a bra, wearing heels or being a little cold in an outfit because I look amazing in it.. My friend says.. the more uncomfortable the outfit the better you look in it ..lol . I love making myself pretty and do spend a lot of time grooming myself. It really great being treated like a lady and it great when a man opens a door for you.

I embraced my female side and that kinda let me be myself for the first time.  There was no old me, just the switched off me.

[KathyLauren]

While I sometimes talk about my male self or female self, those are just figures of speech.  I am just me, the same me that I have always been.  There was me in a suit of armour, and now there is me without armour. 

I was expecting to feel different when I started hormones, but I didn't.  I still feel like me.  I just feel more like myself, and free-er to express myself.

[Raell]

For the binary folks, the concept of bigender probably seems weird, but that's what I am.

I am both genders.  Both my right brain hemisphere (male trait area), and left brain hemisphere (female trait area) were activated. I developed in the first trimester as a bio girl, but since my brother had been born only a few months earlier I apparently picked up his male hormones still in the womb-as often happens with animals as well- and both gender sides of my brain became activated.

Before I discovered derris scandens, a Thai herb used as muscle relaxant, I lived as a blended gender, but was often either in only male or female modes. When in one mode I couldn't remember what I'd done or said in the other mode, and vice versa. This kept me confused most of my life; my belongings would disappear and reappear in other places, people constantly yelled at me for forgetting something they had recently told me, etc.

When in female mode, I saw the world through female eyes. I was picky, critical, gossipy, kept second-guessing and overthinking myself into distraction. This side of me only wanted to run around the woods and swamps taking photos of birds and wildlife, so my female side wasn't very femme. In this mode, I didn't believe I had a male side and thought men were unbelievably stupid and annoying, yet I wanted to marry one..but only someone with wealth, status, who would take care of me.

My male side didn't believe I had a female side, and thought women didn't count or matter, although he was totally anxious to impress/please them when they were around. This side liked to chill, watch pretty girls, listen to and play music and write. He had absolutely no interest in photographing birds in swamps when he could hang out.

I just thought my family was crazy, and that magic was making my stuff jump around. Once I started taking the herb, I found that most of my dyslexia symptoms vanished, and suddenly I could remember what I'd done in both modes. Things weren't magically moving..I was the one who had moved them. If I paused a bit, I could now access those memories.

Also my female and male modes blended, and I see myself as an androgynous person who is both, and I am proud of being both, although my male side is slightly stronger.