Hi, Karen
Quote from: karenk1959 on April 01, 2017, 10:37:14 AM
I just discovered my true self as TG at the ripe old age of 57! I so very much want to look like a woman, but quite honestly and unfortunately, many TG MTF look like men dressed up like women, and not to insult anyone, some of the avatar pics on this website look incongruent, to put it euphemistically.
Do forgive the rambling that will follow. I'm not trying to make a point, but rather to put down the thoughts that your words brought up in my mind.
I think I understand your feelings. Please correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe you feel fearful that in pursuit of what you want you will be forfeiting a familiar place—a home where you know and are accepted by everyone—and may instead gain only rejection unless you attain your goal. You want to search for the holy grail but are afraid of not reaching it.
All who leave on such a quest have the same misgivings and fears. Those living the farthest away have the most to lose and naturally have the greatest misgivings. To embark it takes not only courage, but also a certainty that where one now is, no matter how safe it seems, is not the right place to be. Why else risk facing dragons in the unknown?
Those who do leave do so only because they feel that their current safe haven is not where they should be. Some have foreknowledge or a premonition that staying may destroy them, and for them embarking is the only way to stay alive. They are aware that risking ridicule is the price they may have to pay.
Quote from: karenk1959 on April 01, 2017, 10:37:14 AM
I am afraid of surgery. I had bad experiences with elective surgery on my urinary bladder in the past. So, although in my heart I want to transition, I am afraid I am going to look silly. I know a lot of you will say you need to be true to who you are and self-confident, unfortunately a big part of the world will be thinking I look freaky. I don't think I can handle the stress arising from that.
If what follows sounds trite I apologize. I'm not trying to be, but find it difficult to find the right words. I just hope the meaning comes across.
Some societies throughout history have been more accepting than others. In some people who left the safe framework were afforded respect. Since this is now rare, for many—perhaps most—virtual invisibility is an integral part of the grail.
While the surgical shapeshifting modern magicians can offer helps, all magic does carry risk and has a price. If one has in the past experienced failure it is natural to be afraid. If invisibility is essential, and fear or finances preclude the use of shapeshifting, one must do with what is left. Diet, physical exercise, voice training and hormones are always helpful (if not essential) to attain full invisibility even if one does choose to undergo surgery. Sometimes they are sufficient alone. All take effort and dedication to master, but are available even before one takes the first step outside one's door. In most cases there is no need to step out as soon as one hears the call, so one has time.
It is true that for some absolute invisibility is unattainable. The question then is whether the call is so strong that not obeying is ultimately more insufferable than listening. For many it is.
That said, once they step out some find that they can tolerate not being invisible. Acceptance is more important. Without self-acceptance it is hard to stay alive. (This probably often contributes to the decision to leave the safe place to start with.) Acceptance by others helps attain self-acceptance, and is itself attainable more by actions and attitude than appearance.
Ultimately I would like to completely match the image I see in my mind. If I can, I will. I await that day. For now, I inch toward it, doing daily what I am able to. For me at this point that is enough.
