Coming out to my parents as transgender.

[Mikka55]

I know one of the biggest support I need is from my parents and for them to accept me as a trans gender.  I know if i don't tell them it will slow down my transition or possible de-transition.  I came out to my mom today... I told her.  You knew I crossdressed as a kid,  you knew I had women's underwear,  you knew a few years ago,  when my workplace assigned me female clothing and I was fine with it.  So I told her... this idea of me being a female was always in my head.  Its not like I am all of the sudden trans... So now I need to educate my mom.  Here it goes....

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[JeanetteLW]

  Its not like I am all of the sudden trans... So now I need to educate my mom.  Here it goes....

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Glad you are making the effort to explain it to your Mom. Your telling her at all is a big step.

Good Luck and Hugs,
  Jeanette

[theqnoumenon]

I hope it's going well, good luck with it!

[Mikka55]

And....here comes the typical questions from my mom and brother.
Mom: You sure you are trans gender, and not just a cross dresser at night because some people are like that......Really?? I have been on hormones for 7 months now clearly I want to be a women.
Brother: So what are some signs you knew you were trans...Well when I was a kid I liked to cross dress, always wanted to be a female, always wanted a female body, I was always creative, and artsy liked to look pretty. You know guys can be creative and artsy too. So I was like really? I just told you I cross dressed and always wanted a female body, and wanted to look female.

[Dena]

Give them the name, address and phone number for a ear doctor. When they ask what it's for, explain that they seem to have a hearing problem 

[Sluggy]

My mom was kind of similar. I'm struggling a bit because she doesn't try to learn more.

I think what both of us need to do here is internalize the idea that WE DON'T NEED TO PROVE OURSELVES TO PEOPLE NOT WILLING TO UNDERSTAND. You can educate them, but remember, you don't have anything to prove to them, you know who you are, and you're entrusting them to listen.

I'm not saying be closed and ignore them, but remember that their questioning is more them trying to bargain with their own fears regarding the situation or their own discomfort.

It's the hardest part about these kinds of things, but most important too

[Janes Groove]

Congratulations on opening this dialogue with you mom and brother.  It's a good thing.
They'll get it eventually.  Just keep it up.
You are changing your world just by being you.

[Mikka55]

So I told my brother does it really matter if a person is black/white/straight/bi/trans/non binary.   Its not like I am changing who I am.  I'm still me.  If I want to be female then be female,  if it makes me happy sure why not.  I'm still me as a person.  As long as I'm not doing harm to others isn't that what matters most.
Then my brother said yeah I understand.

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[Mikka55]

A bit off topic.  I took the first step to better myself.  I am seeing my family dr for my health,  a psychiatrist for my mental health (and i will ask him to refer me to a gender identity clinic.) I have reached out to my community for lgbtq support,  and last but not least my endocrinologist. 

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[Denise]

For your family I suggest pointing them to the national geographic documentary titled "gender revolution". It aired a few times the second week in February.  The DVD will be available in June (or orders are available now).

My parents said it helped them to understand.  They're 85 years old.

[Sluggy]

Proud of you Mikka <3

[Mikka55]

Update: My mother is still taking it very negatively,  and my father isn't really too supportive.  He is trying to link my childhood trauma and my depression and because of that he said that's why I think I'm trans. Then he started stating the negatives.   He said there are more negatives in being trans then positives,  he said maybe I decided to transition because I was unhappy.  He even questioned me how I even cross dressed when I was a kid.  (But I didn't tell him) .  So I told him early on childhood till now I always wanted a female body,  then he said no matter what I will never be female... I said... but that's how I feel on the inside.. I told him sex and gender are 2 different things.  He will never ever understand,  and neither will my mom.  So I told him even if my depression was gone,  even if I moved out of the house.  I will still continue my transition... then he said you only think that. 
To be honest... I have never been happier.  And I know no matter what... the image of me being a girl will always be in the back of my head.   So I kinda brushed away the topic of me being trans,  and I said... well forget about the trans topic,  I got real mental health issues to deal with.   He even said oh becareful of therapist too.   Some times they diagnose you wrongly.
When I was a kid in elementary school.  I was diagnosed with A.D.D.  and he still doesn't accept that I do. 
I guess its just that I have been living my life for 28 years as a male its hard for them. 
I mean I can lie to him.  He wont know.  He may think I am a male.. but deep down,  he just confirmed I was transgender,  it doesn't matter what clothes I wear,  how I present myself.  I will always be a transgender.

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[Katy]

I would respectfully urge you to be patient with your parents and brother.  You are asking them to comprehend something that in many respects is incomprehensible.  They can't walk in your shoes or experience what you are feeling.  You are communicating something akin to a foreign language.  Give them time digest what you have told them. 

All the best to you.

[Mikka55]

So..... follow up time..... I told my mom im somewhere in between​  no gender to female.   I told her probably not everyday I am a women,  but I still want the body and be on hormones. So she said... if its truly how you feel,  i will never understand.   She said I was allowed to do a full on dress as a female when I'm with my friends,  but when im in the house... more gender neutral.  Skinny jeans is fine and I guess a top and a small lether jacket is fine.   Does she understand my dysphoria yes,  does she accept it prob no.  But I can sleep better now at night.  Knowing I will always be who i am..

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[Sluggy]

That's good that you at least have some sort of resolve.

It's difficult with parents. I don't know what you mom is like, but sometimes they benefit best from hearing someone other than their own child. Parents have a tendency to project themselves onto their children, and I think that level of separation often helps.

That being said, everyone's family plays a different role in their life, and I think everyone benefits best from patience and a strong sense of self.