Hello! I've been reading this site for a bit, but only just decided to join. Lots of good information and discussions here. I'm a 44-year-old Michigan guy just starting my FTM transition. I'm sure my story will sound familiar to you--born female and wore myself out trying to feel natural as a woman, and to live up to others' expectations. By age four I knew something was wrong. The kids I most wanted to be with and emulate all had penises. Why didn't I? By age fourteen I was duct-taping down my boobs and wandering around in a brown bowling shirt labeled "Bob." (I didn't date in high school. I wonder why not?) As an adult, I blamed my dysphoria on a number of other problems, and I thought if I just dealt with X, Y, and Z, it would go away. So I dealt with X, Y, and Z. The dysphoria got worse, since I no longer had bigger issues to worry about. I recently just gave the **** up and decided to do what I should have done years ago. I have no current dates for surgery or HRT, as I'm still in the phase of talking things out with my therapist and convincing her that transitioning is what I really want to do. She's great, and I think she'll end up supporting me.
Like a lot of newbies, I can't read enough about what transitioning will be like, and what I can expect. I teeter between an almost-painful hope that life will get better, and the paranoia that life will get worse. I suspect that both will probably come to pass. I don't really want to talk to people in my everyday life about what's going on with me, since A) it's still much to early for that, and B ) I think they'd get sick of hearing me ramble. So I'm here.
Thanks for reading, and I look forward to getting to know you all.
