Associating with your new name?

[staciM]

I seem to be having a problem associating with my chosen name and I'm curious if others have had similar issues.  My family have been using "Staci" consistently for months but it doesn't feel like it's sticking.  My feeling is that it's not the name per say, but just because it's a new name.  After living with my birth name for 40+ years it certainly makes sense that being called something new would be difficult.  My family and friends are also having the same problem....they are 100% supportive in all areas of my transition but seriously mentally struggling with calling me something new....I can't really blame them since I'm having the same dilemma.

Fortunately, my birth name is unisex and I'm actually considering using it....with a more feminized spelling.  My reluctance to using it before and slightly now is that family and friends will unconsciously (or otherwise) associate my "male" past with my name.  However, in thinking about this I believe my past IS a part of me and changing my name isn't going to magically make that disappear.   During years of expressing my female self with my wife, i never used another name, it was always just me....not an alternate persona.  As an aside, I can see why people running away from a past life would want to change a name, but I'm not in that predicament.

If you had a unisex name, would you feel comfortable keeping it?  Who has also struggled with coming to terms with a name change?

Once this has been decided I plan on starting paperwork changes....I want to do that once so this is quite an important decision.  I have scheduled a therapy appointment to talk through my thinking but I would love to hear others thoughts on the subject.

[James80]

I never thought of myself as my birth name, so changing for me has been mostly easy...except for those times I still have to acknowledge my dead name. I'm only six days past my legal name change, so I'll still be dealing with the old name for a while until I get all my stuff sorted out.

It's probably different for someone who internalized their birth name - which I'd guess is just about everyone.

If I had had a unisex name or one easy to switch, I likely would have kept it, but done something to make feel more masculine. I also likely would have transitioned sooner. My parents had considered naming me Stephanie. If they had, I would have started going by Steve around 13 or 14. Could have given me 22 years of my life to live instead of just existing and plodding through, but no...they went hyper-feminine with the name instead.

If your old name doesn't make you dysphoric or otherwise cause you grief, keeping it would help minimize paperwork and frustration, IMHO. But if you want a new name, find the right one and go for it.


James

[Rowan Rue]

I ditched the first name I tried after a couple of weeks.
It wasn't me.
After that I sat down with a bunch of friends and just sort of went through name antill we all had a sort of "aha" moment.
And that was it, I didn't have any adjustment period of that.
I remember as a child strongly disliking my name, but not knowing why.
When I changed it, it was more like letting my real name find me.
It's definitely ok to try out as many names as you need to!

[Tessa James]

I am one of those who was more than ready to give up the man act and the name I associated it with.  I disliked the name and would try and get friends to use the softer version with an ie or y at the end.  That didn't work and it felt to me that folks simply resisted any feminization I attempted back then. 

Tessa is the name my sister gave me at age 3 and a name I repressed and "rediscovered" after intense therapy.  Still, i wanted to be sure and gave myself more than a year of trying it on before making the legal change.  Then I also decided to keep my first name as my middle name as a way to honor my whole life.  It took a while to adjust to my name but it sure feels better now.

I have a dear friend who changed her name again after a six month trial and it was difficult for some of us less flexible people to catch up.  You're absolutely right, it is an important decision and after going through dozens of name changes for government agencies and other entities you may not want to do it again soon.

[staciM]

Thanks for the feedback everyone.  FWIW, there is no savings in paperwork because I would be changing the spelling and my middle name. 

I'm assuming because my name is unisex that it hasn't been a source of great dysphoria in my life compare to others.  If I had a very masculine name I'm sure it would be a different story.  Like I explained, I've always been just "me" whether I was presenting male or female and never felt the need to have a different name in order to feel complete or "correct".  That's just happens to be my experience....it's interesting to see the different perspectives.

[Sammie]

I was born 'samantha' but my whole life I went by either 'sam' or 'sammie' and I couldn't see myself changing that. Since I always felt that I was male, it doesnt feel feminine to me.
I'm not sure if you have felt feminine for a majority of your life, or if it is more recent, but some one of my friends who had it chamged completely felt that the longer he used his name, the more 'right' it sounded.
I would say that if you dont like staci or your birth name in a feminine spelling, you could try another name entirely and see how that works.
Good luck!

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