Did you ever feel you were gay?

[Kylo]

I strongly prefer guys and am transitioning to male, so I guess that technically makes me gay.  I don't really think I feel gay, though--although I admit I'm not too sure I know what gay would feel like.  Maybe I don't identify with gay men because I haven't had to put up with the discrimination cis gay men have to live with.  That's an experience they share that I've never had.

I don't feel gay either, nor identify with a particular group especially. I think we're imagining it's supposed to be a certain way and a certain thing but who even knows or can be sure if it feels the same way another person feels it?

Attraction has certainly been a strange experience for me, and one I rarely act upon enough to be sure it's anything like that of gay men. I had many gay friends through college and university and went out with them a lot, but never felt a part of the circle, the community. I never acted on any attractions back then. Now I'm convinced most of my interactions were all due to the "skin" I wore being perceived female and that they would have been very different in my current state. Also a strange thing to go from being considered in a straight relationship to being thought of as in a gay one when you yourself haven't moved an inch anywhere. Like watching the world warp around you.

[SailorMars1994]

In my early teens, I thought I was a lesbian. By mid-high school I'd found out I was bisexual. These days I'm mostly attracted to men. It's strange how these things change as you grow older. You would've thought that finding out I was male would have skewed my attraction more towards women, but it didn't work that way for me.

Not as isolated as you may think. I am bisexual and it has always been that way, even when I was in denial of that too. Still, i found pre-HRT for a couple years (both before coming out as trans and shortly after) i was more attracted to men then women. After starting HRT i found that my orientation has shifted to being primarly intrested in women but still have a drive for males aswell. I am kinda picky with my males. Whereas pre-HRT i was intresting in more tyipical men oddly enough, now,  I like more femme/androgonous/non-binary males with a sweet cuddly side. Those are my type of males!, but still I am more towards the females now. Tho I am Bi I will probably end up in a lesbian relationship more then likely

[Balerie]

I never felt I was gay though from around the time of my puberty I was attracted to women and androgynous men/trans females. I never acted upon those feelings for androgynous men/transgender females but I really wished I had. Ever since I started therapy I told my therapist that I'm a male lesbian because I adore women and more so feminine women. However, since I've accepted that I was transgender, I have had dreams where I was in bed with a man. On occasion I've even fantasized about being with a man but I think in part that's because I seek validation as a female and sometimes I feel like it's something I need. Honestly, the only thing I've really given a lot of thought to was how much easier life would be if I were just gay instead of transgender.

I think I'm pretty much bi-curious but mostly lesbian because I adore women more. I just really don't like guys or beards or anything like that. I really think that guys are GROSS! There I said it....LOL 

It is confusing for me, I don't find men attractive -.  I do have a desire to be taken, it is hard to explain.  I've come close a few times in the past, but never actually had relations with a guy.  If I were attracted to men, and were in a relationship I would definitely be a bottom.   

Am I gay?  I dunno, I don't think of myself as gay.  I could be I guess.  I just could never see myself in a relationship with a guy, I find women to be sexy, when I think of relationships I think of being with women.  But, I have a desire in me to be taken, if that makes any sense.  Taken, being the polite term of course.

I've on occasion had this same fantasy of being taken. I think it also runs the way of male validation.

You all got me thinking again. My best friend has been in my life since I was sixteen, we did everything together for a long long time. I got married, He got married, I got married again. His wife always called me his girlfriend. At the time I thought it was funny. But you all got me thinking. Maybe subconsciously I am attracted to him. In fact all my male friends are from this same timeframe of 16 to 30. I have such a sense of dedication to our friendships, I am as loyal as you will find. But I must admit when the women were around I kind of got jealous.

It's funny you mention this because although I have never liked my male friends in a sexual/romantic way, I have experienced that internal jealousy when other men or women were around. It's almost like I'm being possessive with them. it's weird but a very common feeling for me.

[PrincessCrystal]

Back before I finally realized that the constant desire to be female was, in fact, ->-bleeped-<-, (I was always of the odd notion that "that can't be me.") I considered myself a Pansexual male.  Part of what lead to it finally clicking that I was probably a transwoman was sex: sex with women felt awkward, and sex with men was great as long as I wasn't asked to do anything masculine, which just felt wrong.

Still pansexual, but I bet I'll enjoy it more post-op. >!>;;

[Drexy/Drex]

Yes

[meatwagon]

gay is one thing i don't think i've ever been.  i realized i had an interest in girls around middle school, but i did my best to deny it just like i denied being transgender.  but denial or not, it was there...

i remember when i first started really trying to bring up the topic of transition with my partner at the time, though, the question arose of whether he would "feel gay"--how he would feel about being in a relationship with a man, and how he would feel about being perceived as gay as a result.  his answer was "i'm not gay, i'm just big-boned!"
i thought it was pretty funny then, and took the joke as a sign that he wasn't all that bothered.  i soon realized it was actually just his way of avoiding the issue entirely, and the relationship was dragged out for another few years before we broke up because he wasn't interested in being with another man. 
and looking back now, it's become apparent that he not only thought of me as a woman during all of that time, but that his overall image of me was... someone who didn't really exist.  he felt like he had lost the person he married, and our relationship now is reduced to a casual friendship.  i try not to think on it too much because when i do, it hurts.  i don't want to destroy the friendship we still have, but one of these days i know i'm going to have to confront him about it.  because he was wrong.  i didn't suddenly become another person.  i was always there; my sense of humor, my likes and interests, my personality... none of that went away.  i have changed a lot over the years, as most people do, but i never stopped being "me".  the only things that went away after i started accepting my gender identity were the skirts and the makeup, and at least some of my anxiety issues.  i'd like to think those things were not how he defined me.  but if the person he loved is just gone, then what else could it be?  he must have never seen or loved me for who i really am, because i know for a fact that the things that made me me didn't go anywhere.

[Kylo]

gay is one thing i don't think i've ever been.  i realized i had an interest in girls around middle school, but i did my best to deny it just like i denied being transgender.  but denial or not, it was there...

i remember when i first started really trying to bring up the topic of transition with my partner at the time, though, the question arose of whether he would "feel gay"--how he would feel about being in a relationship with a man, and how he would feel about being perceived as gay as a result.  his answer was "i'm not gay, i'm just big-boned!"
i thought it was pretty funny then, and took the joke as a sign that he wasn't all that bothered.  i soon realized it was actually just his way of avoiding the issue entirely, and the relationship was dragged out for another few years before we broke up because he wasn't interested in being with another man. 
and looking back now, it's become apparent that he not only thought of me as a woman during all of that time, but that his overall image of me was... someone who didn't really exist.  he felt like he had lost the person he married, and our relationship now is reduced to a casual friendship.  i try not to think on it too much because when i do, it hurts.  i don't want to destroy the friendship we still have, but one of these days i know i'm going to have to confront him about it.  because he was wrong.  i didn't suddenly become another person.  i was always there; my sense of humor, my likes and interests, my personality... none of that went away.  i have changed a lot over the years, as most people do, but i never stopped being "me".  the only things that went away after i started accepting my gender identity were the skirts and the makeup, and at least some of my anxiety issues.  i'd like to think those things were not how he defined me.  but if the person he loved is just gone, then what else could it be?  he must have never seen or loved me for who i really am, because i know for a fact that the things that made me me didn't go anywhere.

That's how we see it. But it's not the same for them.

There are some physical characteristics that are just not attractive to straight men. In some cases they are actually revolted by the idea of being physically close with someone with the same characteristics as themselves. In the end the sex and attraction part comes down to a choice. You do it with someone because their characteristics turn you on, or you do it with them while their characteristics do not tun you on, and probably don't get much fun out of it; there's also whether or not a person can have a romantic sort of life with or without sex in it.

Don't be too harsh on them. After all, we know what it's like to have to put up with using body parts we don't want, and how much it messes with the mind. I'm not sure it's fair to expect them to do the same with their innate biological responses. If you remove those from love, and the sexual aspects from it, then you're left with a friendship. I guess. When he says "gone", he may be referring to the characteristics that attracted him physically, which if you're on hormones will eventually be gone.   

It's true - when people love sexually, they are judging by the physical to some degree, and a lot of it isn't something they choose to like but wired in. I didn't understand this for a while, since that wasn't how I went about things. I couldn't enjoy it the way they could, so I didn't get it when they placed so much emphasis on it. But they are different from us and sex is less complicated for someone who doesn't have our problems; they sort of auto-pilot through it maybe... never thinking that deeply about it. When you've got issues like this, you've no choice but to learn how to love more deeply or with more complexity and to look more into the person than the body. It's something they aren't forced to do, no surprise some of them have no idea how to, or have no desire to look any further than they have to.

[RobynD]

The nomenclature on all of this still fascinates me and the Wikipedia articles on sexual preference seem to be pretty open. It would seem that a heterosexual male that only has interest in women, immediately becomes "gay" as soon asa they identify as a woman. Obviously we can all identify as we choose, it is just really interesting.

Sometimes as bisexual i feel i maybe should identify as pansexual instead as there is a difference.

[meatwagon]

That's how we see it. But it's not the same for them.

There are some physical characteristics that are just not attractive to straight men. In some cases they are actually revolted by the idea of being physically close with someone with the same characteristics as themselves. In the end the sex and attraction part comes down to a choice. You do it with someone because their characteristics turn you on, or you do it with them while their characteristics do not tun you on, and probably don't get much fun out of it; there's also whether or not a person can have a romantic sort of life with or without sex in it.

Don't be too harsh on them. After all, we know what it's like to have to put up with using body parts we don't want, and how much it messes with the mind. I'm not sure it's fair to expect them to do the same with their innate biological responses. If you remove those from love, and the sexual aspects from it, then you're left with a friendship. I guess. When he says "gone", he may be referring to the characteristics that attracted him physically, which if you're on hormones will eventually be gone.   

It's true - when people love sexually, they are judging by the physical to some degree, and a lot of it isn't something they choose to like but wired in. I didn't understand this for a while, since that wasn't how I went about things. I couldn't enjoy it the way they could, so I didn't get it when they placed so much emphasis on it. But they are different from us and sex is less complicated for someone who doesn't have our problems; they sort of auto-pilot through it maybe... never thinking that deeply about it. When you've got issues like this, you've no choice but to learn how to love more deeply or with more complexity and to look more into the person than the body. It's something they aren't forced to do, no surprise some of them have no idea how to, or have no desire to look any further than they have to.

oh, i know; physical attractions can't be helped and they play a part in the whole concept of a romantic relationship.  i'm not complaining about people having deal-breakers.  i just feel like i was reduced to a feminine persona and nothing else.  like, you'd think after being with someone for so many years, sharing a life and a home with them, going through as much as we did together, there would be something more to it than that.  but now it's like all the good times and the hardships may as well have never happened.  he won't talk about anything in-depth or really serious, and while i can understand up to a point that he avoids it because this whole thing affects him too, it doesn't do anything to make me not feel like he never really loved the real me in the first place.  i am pretty sure loving people for more than just their looks is not exclusive to transpeople; i have no expectation whatsoever that someone will stick with me in a sexual/romantic relationship after an irreconcilable physical change, but i was damn well hurt when he talked about me as if i no longer existed altogether.  i am not a makeup kit, and while i do not care if someone isn't "gay for me", i think it says something about the strength--or lack thereof--of our relationship as a whole when, after breaking up and just being friends, removing that one aspect is enough to say that the entire person you married is no longer here.  i'm right here.  i look different, and again i have no problem with that being a deal-breaker, but i'm still here.

[pretty pauline]

No I never felt I was gay, before transition I liked and loved the company of women and all things feminine, but not in a sexual way, I liked women because I wanted to be a woman, then I transition and embraced womanhood, I'm now a woman married to a man who accepts me as a woman.

[Michelle_P]

When I first came out to my 26 year old daughter as being a transgender person who identifies as female, her first response was to ask me "Have you dated any men?"  Nope.

I had to explain to her that not only is Daddy female, but Daddy is a lesbian.

Orientation-wise I am sexually and romantically attracted to women.  In terms of style I am Blue Jean Femme.

[SailorMars1994]

When I first came out to my 26 year old daughter as being a transgender person who identifies as female, her first response was to ask me "Have you dated any men?"  Nope.

I had to explain to her that not only is Daddy female, but Daddy is a lesbian.

Orientation-wise I am sexually and romantically attracted to women.  In terms of style I am Blue Jean Femme.

This may be a stupid question but... What is blue jean femme ?

[Michelle_P]

This may be a stupid question but... What is blue jean femme ?

OT, but I tend to dress casually but feminine, jeans, solid color fitted tee, ankle boots and floral scarf today. Full "no makup look " makeup.

I enjoy makeup and femme clothes. I identify my orientation as lesbian.



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[Meghan]

In Vietnamese culture and household words gay or transgender is forbidden and taboo. So most the time I didn't know who to talk or get help. I thought I only one with weird problem for a long time, until I found internet to learn about
my personal problem I been going through. I finally found some help for my private feeling.

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[Wanda Jane]

Very good topic. When I was in grade school, 4th grade, I was living as a little girl basically and had a boyfriend. I remember us being in bed together naked. I'm not sure if we had full on sex or not, but I know we fooled around a lot, kissing, BJ's etc... I had another boyfriend at around 15 and definitely had sex with him. I was always "the girl" in these relationships. My male persona developed out of survival due to bullying and suicidiality and was aided by raging alcoholism. I just tried to "go along" I guess and wound up being married to a woman and had 2 kids. I remember sex with my wife always being difficult and I would quit a lot without climaxing. I just blamed it on the alcohol, which was probably partly true. We weren't intimate the last several years of the marriage. Over the years I would catch myself gazing at guys and wondering what they looked like naked. I never really "girl watched" like that. Fast forward. When I finally sobered up and got honest with my true self I initially came out as gay. I just knew I didn't love women like that. My gay friends didn't attract me though and they said the same. As I remembered and and rediscovered Wanda, I realized that all the guys I am attracted to are strait. The feelings I get today when I find a man attractive are way more powerful than anything I've felt before. That has only intensified with HRT. I am looking forward to the future and excited about it. Finally. So to sum it up I identify as a strait woman, although until GRS I am technically gay.

[RobynD]

. So to sum it up I identify as a strait woman, although until GRS I am technically gay.

Just curious (if i am prying please accept apology and disregard) as to why you feel this way? You identify as a woman, regardless of your physical parts does that not make your heterosexual in your mind? Like i said above the labels on all of this sort of fascinate me, probably too much.

[Wanda Jane]

Yes, I'm strait in MY mind. I'm just noting that since I like guys and still have male parts I'm technically gay. I'm all girl inside though! (-:

[Tessa James]

The nomenclature on all of this still fascinates me and the Wikipedia articles on sexual preference seem to be pretty open. It would seem that a heterosexual male that only has interest in women, immediately becomes "gay" as soon asa they identify as a woman. Obviously we can all identify as we choose, it is just really interesting.

Sometimes as bisexual i feel i maybe should identify as pansexual instead as there is a difference.

Yes, I get that distinction as Bisexual reinforces the concept of just two genders.  For labeling purposes I am pansexual but not unlike the Bonobos chimps, I am just sexual, as parts mean less than hearts

[paula lesley]

I tend not to view people in such absolutes. Gender is a construct. It's their; for want of a better word, "soul" that gets my wheels turning. Does that make me, Bi ?
How they view me is also not that important to me. Does that make me , Gay ?



Paula, X.

[Colleen_definitely]

You're as gay as you want to be.

Myself, I like to identify as "if you have a pulse, you might have a chance-sexual"