Scared to death

[Mxwll]

Hey guys

So I thought a few months ago that I didn't want T but I researched and feel pretty differently now - basically, I'm not gonna get to where I want to be without it.  I want a deeper voice, face and body hair, to be more masculine, and I want bottom surgery. 

I've been copied into a letter from the GIC to my GP and they asked for my medical records, which I guess is normal, but in big bold print they asked for details on any depression that I've suffered from.

I have had depressive episodes in the past, but not for 7 years or so, but I'm on Lustral for GAD.

I've read that people with bipolar disorder can't get T, and am worried to death that this extends to people with other MH issues as well.

Also - I badly want top surgery and am worried that I won't be able to have that without being on T - I can't even bind because my chest is so huge.  And with that big chest I can't change my name or pronouns 

It's going to be at least 18 months for a GIC appointment which feels life forever.

I just want to be the man on the outside that I am on the inside   

[findingreason]

Hey Mxwll,

First off, welcome to Susan's, I see your post count is only 3. I hope you find what you need in this wonderful little community.

To answer your worries and fears about getting T, I don't believe that you will be held back from HRT because of mental health/depression/bipolar issues. A lot of us trans people suffer from mental health disorders (who wouldn't when your body is at odds with your internal identity? that's a recipe for mental health problems right there). Specialists at GICs know this, and the majority of the time are accommodating. Sometimes, if the safety of the patient is taken into account, they may delay starting processes until a situation stabilizes. I just got this a few days ago when I was at the GIC and looking for surgery. I was hospitalized for psychiatric reasons a couple months ago, and the doctor wanted to wait about 8 months before writing me a surgery referral because Helsinki University Hospital (and likely many other surgeons) wants their patients to be stable before operating on them. I'm sorry the wait is going to take so long before you can be seen. Is there any alternative options you could pursue to speed things up?

If you ever want to talk as well, I'm an open ear to PM. <3 Best of luck.

[Dena]

I don't know about the policies of GIC but normally there are two requirements for treatment. You need to have no conditions that would interfere with your ability to make a decision and you need have the knowledge to make the decision. There are members on this site who are bipolar and have received treatment without difficulty. They had to remain on any medication and continue with followup care but it didn't prevent them from receiving treatment. You may need to show that your problem is under control but I don't see any reason why that should be a problem.

[Kylo]

Several people on here say they have BD and no problem getting T. Never heard of anyone being refused it for that.

[Elis]

From what I hear the doctors and therapists at GICs are a lot more clued up on the fact that mental illnesses are separate from being trans. It won't hold you back. Plus there is no requirement for taking T in order to get any surgeries in the UK; but you do have to live for two years in your new gender unfortunately . Or you can start saving now to pay for it yourself.

You don't have to get referred to the GIC closest to you. You might want to look into one with a shorter waiting time.

[Mxwll]

There is no requirement for taking T in order to get any surgeries in the UK; but you do have to live for two years in your new gender unfortunately

Really?  I don't think that will be possible for me as I can't bind.  I don't feel like I can expect people to call me by male pronouns while I've got such an enormous top half.  This is troubling

[Elis]

Really?  I don't think that will be possible for me as I can't bind.  I don't feel like I can expect people to call me by male pronouns while I've got such an enormous top half.  This is troubling

If I may ask why have you decided to take T and not have people know you as male? Even on a 'low dose' of T you're going to look male within 9 months at most on HRT. You don't have to answer.

Have you tried GC2B binders? They're the most comfortable binders out there and bind well also for people with bigger chests. Even a lot of cis men don't have completely flat chests. My half top binder cost me around £30 including postage.

[Mxwll]

If I may ask why have you decided to take T and not have people know you as male? Even on a 'low dose' of T you're going to look male within 9 months at most on HRT. You don't have to answer.

Have you tried GC2B binders? They're the most comfortable binders out there and bind well also for people with bigger chests. Even a lot of cis men don't have completely flat chests. My half top binder cost me around £30 including postage.

I do want people to know me as male - I am male except my pesky bits.  And I am very masculine in appearance, the only thing that gives me away is the chest and voice.  But I don't know if I can really ask people to call me he/him when I have such a large chest.

Chest is 42H - would those binders work on something so huge?

[Elis]

I do want people to know me as male - I am male except my pesky bits.  And I am very masculine in appearance, the only thing that gives me away is the chest and voice.  But I don't know if I can really ask people to call me he/him when I have such a large chest.

Chest is 42H - would those binders work on something so huge?

Ah ok; thanks for clearing this up. At the end of the day you have to live for yourself. If a cis man can have a noticeable chest and still be referred to as a man then so can a trans man

From looking at instagram they're are only people with an E/F chest at most; but they can get pretty much flat. You have nothing to lose by buying one and testing it out. The customer service is good and they make refunds/exchanges easy and non complicated.