I don't actually feel less feminine in any way. If anything my friends say that I am more feminine than they are. Not sure that I understand that. Just...
My boyfriend is like uber masculine. Tall, muscular, self assured and if he has a tiny bit of a belly it bothers him wwaaayyyy more than me (not at all). I don't let him touch my thing, never have, not with anyone. He wants more though, wants to pleasure me and I don't know how to let him. Doesn't sound straight maybe but he is. I have been with top exclusive men and he is nowhere close to that, if you know what I mean. Only being with gay men before it's easy for me to tell the difference. He is a cop and the first time I saw him it was like, hmmmmm... that is what I have been looking for all along. I dated one of the guys that he worked with before we got to know each other and he wanted nothing to do with the unless bits. He doesn't either, just wants to make me happy. Even heard him ask his sister how to take care of me today at his family holiday get together.
My problem is not him, it's me. It's not his family either, from what i can tell, we told them two months ago and they seem happy. He has two children in college and his ex was terrible, even they seem to be overjoyed that their dad is happy.
It's the same as having any other guy inside of me. And I can't handle what we both need as opposed to what we are getting. I have never felt this way before. All is right, all is normal but for that one thing and it is killing me. If I could go back to when I didn't feel a need for a vagina I would, but I can't. And it's not for him or even sexual gratification, I just can't get past the fact that I don't have a vagina.
The end is in sight, my surgery looms. How do I deal with this till then?
