Transitioning but telling people it's a medical issue

[Chris8080]

Just thinking out loud but for me mental security, feeling of being at peace and mental over all well being is certainly a medical issue. I denied myself most of my life, I'm nearly 69, not nearly so much because I wanted or needed to deny but because through most of my life the help that is available today simply didn't exist. I got to the point that if I didn't find help and find it now it was rubber room time.

I am now on HRT and am scheduled for an orchi this summer. I am more mentally at peace and feel better physically than I ever thought possible. So Mac1, have you tried to discuss the mental aspects with your wife? There is so much more to this than simply growing breasts and having the two nightmares removed. Mental health is incredibly important.

[AnonyMs]

I didn't want to face the problems of transitioning, but I needed to do something so 8 years ago I started a medical transition, but not social. Almost no one knows I'm trans.

I started low dose HRT eventually followed by a full transitioning level. I keep a beard to hide the facial changes, and dress to hide the breasts and body shape changes. The nature of my work makes it easy to hide everything, which might not be the same for everyone. I guess your mileage may vary.

I had thought of having SRS a few years ago to help me cope with this, while not socially transitioning. A few people do it, and its not like anyone would know.

I find it quite stressful living like this. So much hiding. I feel a bit paranoid (not clinically). I'm not sure I'm going to be able to do this much longer, and I suspect I'll be socially transitioning in 2 years or so. At least I got 10 years out of it and and my goal was to buy some time, but sometimes I wish I'd not gone about it this way.

[Michelle_P]

AnonyMs, I definitely understand where you are coming from.  Each of us is a unique individual in a unique situation, and no one transition path fits all of us.  We each have to find our own path, our own way on this journey through life.

Some paths work out better for each of us than other paths.  The sharing here, in this community, can be incredibly helpful to others in deciding what might be best for themselves.

None of this is easy.  There's no "Dummy's Guide to Transition" out there.  I applaud everyone who is trying to find their way and is willing to share their story with the rest of us.

[DawnOday]

If it's someone I have not come out to yet. My boobs grew because I am being treated for congestive heart failure. Which is true and people have known it for 25 years.  People I have come out to. Gee your boobs are sure growing. I've taken to wearing loose fitting sweatshirts or just a regular long sleeved shirt, unbuttoned. With my hair approaching shoulder length, my facial hair disappearing, and my butt fat redistributing. Along with my facial features changing it is getting harder to conceal. But I've been Dawn for eight months outwardly, inward I have always been , before that I was Dad for thirty years. I have never been Donald other than name only.. One very true thing I have learned about transition. It takes time. 

[AnonyMs]

Michelle, one of the problems in going off in doing your own thing is that you loose the comfort of being part of a group. You can also be more confident if you're doing the right thing when you read stories of others like yourself doing the same and hearing how it works out for them.

Luckily I'm fairly independent type and don't need much reassurance, because there's very little. I've got to that point in my life where there's very little that stops me doing what I want to do.

Hopefully I can help others by telling my story, or at least part of it. There's still plenty I don't share here. I still have a few issues.

[Michelle_P]

Michelle, one of the problems in going off in doing your own thing is that you loose the comfort of being part of a group. You can also be more confident if you're doing the right thing when you read stories of others like yourself doing the same and hearing how it works out for them.

Luckily I'm fairly independent type and don't need much reassurance, because there's very little. I've got to that point in my life where there's very little that stops me doing what I want to do.

Hopefully I can help others by telling my story, or at least part of it. There's still plenty I don't share here. I still have a few issues.

I absolutely agree that the support and comfort of being part of a group is a good thing.  I have a social group and two therapy groups I make use of.

Our sharing of stories, discussion of issues, and how we each handle problems we encounter is incredibly valuable.  It's a Good Thing...

I do want to caution that just because someone else takes certain exact steps as part of their transition, that we need not take that exact same step.  We may not be ready for that step, or we may need to take another alternative step.  What one person does as part of a successful transition is not necessarily a template that all should follow.  We each need to do what is best for ourselves. Whether we determine that from a synthesis of the experiences of others like us, or decide each step independently or with the aid of a good therapist are all valid techniques, ways we can seek our path.

[AnonyMs]

I've done very little that's the same as others here have and I still don't know if that's good or bad. I'd not reccomend what I've done to others though. I don't think I'm very normal, so what works for me might cause others difficulty.

[vicki_sixx]

I want to start transitioning, but I don't want people to think that I am. I can continue to transition without people thinking ill of me. This is because I work in a prejudice environment, and my job is very important... so I would still dress and act masculine.

And what happens when you've finished your transition and, if you're lucky, you look feminine and have nice C cups? How do you explain that and maintain your job? What's the point of transition if you never plan on anyone finding out and never revealing your true self?

[jentay1367]

I rather postpone transitioning than quit my job at the moment

This thread seems to be visiting transitioning as a choice. I don't understand that. If there's some reason that keeps you from transitioning, IMHO transitioning is probably the wrong thing to be considering at all.

So I think that your idea of postponement is excellent.

[Deborah]

I've done very little that's the same as others here have and I still don't know if that's good or bad. I'd not reccomend what I've done to others though. I don't think I'm very normal, so what works for me might cause others difficulty.

I've been doing pretty much the same as you.  The only difference is that I grew my hair long and don't really try to hide anything from anyone.  I know I'm not normal though and I use that to my advantage.  Everyone always expects the unexpected!

One thing funny happened with all that at work recently.  Over the past several months I've lost 20 lbs which I think makes my chest look more prominent.  One of the guys at the office asked if I'd been working out and gaining weight, LOL.


Conform and be dull. —James Frank Dobie, The Voice of the Coyote

[tarabel]

Seems like a bit of a risky strategy, but each to their own approach.

[laurenb]

My situation is medium/low dose HRT now for a few months. I see and feel some changes. I'm not socially transitioned and I'm not sure when/how/if that's going to happen. So I present male, albeit "feminine male" or  "androgynous male" or something that is not quite mainstream male. Long hair, clean shaven always, women's jeans/capris, shoes. Male tops, generally. I have boobs - I don't go out of my way to emphasize them in public. Not huge but larger than a regular guy/dude should have. Most of my friends are female. I only male-fail if someone is a distinctly different ethnicity (like we were on a cruise and the crew - mostly Philipino - called us ladies all the time - liked that)

My policy is that if I'm ever asked directly, I will just admit it: that I'm Transgender, under care, but haven't transitioned yet. No one has asked in the 4-5 years it's been since I've let myself become more feminine publicly.

I don't think it's the people you see everyday that will comment or take notice, it's the ones that see you every once in a while (especially if they've known you for a long time) that will double take or comment. This is ok with me. I mean eventually I will come out to everyone - even if I'm not fully transitioned.

Good luck to you.

[Chris8080]

Um.  There's a lot of generalizing in this thread, and some of it sounds not all that accepting of some folks.

I agree with that. Perhaps the opposition in this thread comes from the word "transition". Perhaps some believe that if others goals achievable or not aren't exactly the same as their own they aren't transgender or aren't ready to begin. Perhaps "transition" has a different meaning with different goals to some. I can relate to the OP completely.

Susan not long ago started a thread with her before and after pictures. Another similar post after that, in both threads the results were stunning, dramatic results and both are beautiful ladies. Susan in the same post included an extremely pertinent statement. She said "With enough time". My situation is that I am out of time, can't deny the reality of that. If my goal were full transition and the time to achieve it was say 8 years just think, I could be the hottest 77 year old Granny lady around. Oh goodie.

One of the things I've learned from reading this forum is that there seems to be nearly as many variations to transgender as there are transgender people. One size most definitely does not fit all. What is one persons most important priority can easily be well down another's priority/reality list. From some of the reply's to the OP in this thread I have little doubt that many here have little "acceptance" of me simply because my priorities are not the same as theirs.

For me for now it's HRT and orchi, a half worn out pair of Levi's and a loose comfy shirt. That's me and I am perfectly at peace with it. What the next several years may bring assuming I still have the next several years who knows, maybe I will want to be the hottest Granny around but for now it's not even on the radar.

[vicki_sixx]

This thread seems to be visiting transitioning as a choice. I don't understand that.

It depends on how you look at it. The way I see it is that transition is always a choice unless someone is forcing you to do so against your will. No matter how bad your dysphoria, you still willingly seek out the therapy required and implement changes.

On a more specific level, many - including myself - have a push/pull dynamic constantly in motion. Even though we're not at the 'if I don't transition I'll kill myself' stage (and nor do we have to be) we are caught up in a whirlpool. We are sufficiently trans where transition would be a good thing but also sufficiently at ease where not transitioning isn't the end of the world, either. On top of that we are terrified of kidding ourselves, terrified of reaction, terrified of losing our loved ones, terrified of our feminine results. There's often too much in the way to prevent an automatic 'yes, I'm going for it, I have to!' mindset even though they have that calling all the same.

[Michelle_P]

Deciding to transition is a very personal choice.  We are often driven to transition, simply because the alternative is something we cannot bear, but there is a choice there.

In my case, I chose to live, and that meant transition, facing my severe dysphoria, depression and anxiety, and seeking medical treatment.

I would say that the majority of transgender folks I know are not transitioning.  They spend some portion of their lives getting their presentation in line with their identity to some degree, what folks may call cross-dressing, and they are able to do OK.  They are still transgender folks.  They still question the difference between the assigned at birth gender and how they feel internally, but they have found a path that works  for themselves.

The path that works for any one of us may not be appropriate for another person.  Just because someone seeks a different path to address their gender identity issues does not somehow make them wrong, and I do wish more people would realize this.  Not everyone needs a medical transition.  Not everyone wants a medical transition.  Not everyone can afford a medical transition.  They are all still transgender folks, of course.

[vicki_sixx]

Deciding to transition is a very personal choice.  We are often driven to transition, simply because the alternative is something we cannot bear, but there is a choice there.

In my case, I chose to live, and that meant transition, facing my severe dysphoria, depression and anxiety, and seeking medical treatment.

I would say that the majority of transgender folks I know are not transitioning.  They spend some portion of their lives getting their presentation in line with their identity to some degree, what folks may call cross-dressing, and they are able to do OK.  They are still transgender folks.  They still question the difference between the assigned at birth gender and how they feel internally, but they have found a path that works  for themselves.

The path that works for any one of us may not be appropriate for another person.  Just because someone seeks a different path to address their gender identity issues does not somehow make them wrong, and I do wish more people would realize this.  Not everyone needs a medical transition.  Not everyone wants a medical transition.  Not everyone can afford a medical transition.  They are all still transgender folks, of course.

Great post, Michelle. The bold is especially pertinent as I started a thread yeterday, and linked to an article, about recognising this and not looking down on ->-bleeped-<-s and that they are TG just as TSs are but the thread got locked.

The overwhelming majority of TVs are TG. Only a minority do not have a calling/dsphoria but do it for other reasons such as role play, humiliation, stress relief, kink. Most CDs I know have gone through the same identity struggles and pondered transition, even wishing they could if only their home situations would allow.

If we exclude those cross dressing for ulterior motives then it's quite simply: all TVs and TSs are TG - but not all TVs are* TS.


*this should be 'become' but 'are' fits better within the phrase.

[Dani]

About 15 years ago, a co-worker of mine transitioned on the job. She was terminated within 6 months. On the plus side of her situation, she was given a generous severance package, which financed her SRS.

Yes, there are risks with transitioning on the job. We all must make the decision for ourselves. Do we or are we able to transition now or later? In my situation, I had to wait until I retired to fully transition. I had too many family obligations that took priority over myself. I finally transitioned at age 66. It is never too late for surgery as long as there are no other complicating health concerns, such as cardiac issues.

For over 50 years, I suffered in silence.

Then I took control of my own life. I am happy I did.

[jentay1367]

I guess we'd serve ourselves well to not use the word "transition"  as a catch all and find more suitable adjectives for what were actually doing. Since it isn't an absolute thing and rather could mean say, just going on hrt with no intention of going further and not identifying in public as the chosen gender  vs. full SRS, BA, FFS...blah..blah..bla.. and full disclosure to all and living as your chosen gender.
     There's a whole lot of in between there and I see it constantly getting people into trouble here on the site. And it's not always from malicious intent. Often it's just semantics and offends some when that intent was not there. If were clearer about what our goals may be when we post we'll probably get clearer advice on the issue at hand. But to just say "transitioning" ....well it leaves a whole lot of room for assumption on the readers part.

[SiobhánF]

It depends on how you look at it. The way I see it is that transition is always a choice unless someone is forcing you to do so against your will. No matter how bad your dysphoria, you still willingly seek out the therapy required and implement changes.

On a more specific level, many - including myself - have a push/pull dynamic constantly in motion. Even though we're not at the 'if I don't transition I'll kill myself' stage (and nor do we have to be) we are caught up in a whirlpool. We are sufficiently trans where transition would be a good thing but also sufficiently at ease where not transitioning isn't the end of the world, either. On top of that we are terrified of kidding ourselves, terrified of reaction, terrified of losing our loved ones, terrified of our feminine results. There's often too much in the way to prevent an automatic 'yes, I'm going for it, I have to!' mindset even though they have that calling all the same.

I'm all of those things, except that I welcome the feminine changes. Spot on, otherwise.

I will say that once I saw myself with long hair and makeup, I nearly began to cry because I'd never seen myself in the mirror as close to how I feel inside as I did in that moment. It was momentous for me.

To the OP: Do as you will, but remember that one lie begins the spiral to greater lies in multitude. You may not be able to keep up with them all. Besides that, if you're set on hiding it for employment purposes, that's your business and nobody else's. Should someone notice and question it, would you then have to lie even more, or would you give hints? Or, something else, entirely? Just curious.

[vicki_sixx]

I'm all of those things, except that I welcome the feminine changes. Spot on, otherwise.

Apologies, I didn't word myself very clearly. What I meantby 'terrified of our feminine results' was that we are terrified that our results won't be feminine enough - that we'll look like some <preconceived, self abhorred image that is unable> to pass as female.

Moderator edit: I think we know what you mean but for some people, an androgynous look that does not pass is what they want. For some, that may be the goal or enough.