I wish I could pass without makeup

[itschristina]

Hello everyone, I am writing more as a rant/whining than for actual advice, though I wouldn't mind some nice words or experiences. I am a 22 yo trans girl and I've always been feminine, not only in the way I act but also in the way I look. I have some traits I am very grateful for, such as slim and feminine legs, I'm short, small hands and stuff like that. However when it comes to my face I sometimes feel like I look like a young boy more than a young woman. Makeup does the trick, and I have no problem passing when wearing makeup. The thing is that even though I love makeup, I wish makeup was more of a choice than a need. What I want to say is that I wish I could go buy a bottle of milk without having to do my makeup in order to pass. Everyone says that I still look like a girl without makeup, more on the androgynous side but I feel like they say that just to make me feel better. I wish I was a "natural beauty". I don't want to undergo FFS, I want to be as natural as possible and changing my whole face I feel would be like "lying". I am not against plastic surgery, and I support EVERYONE who's undergone or is planning to undergo FFS, it simply wouldn't be right for me. It is sad because even when I'm dating someone and we spend the night together I need to wake up and do my makeup before they wake up, I need to do my makeup even to walk the dog, it's frustrating, time-consuming and also pretty darn expensive.
Sorry for the rant, but sometimes you just need to let it out!

P.S. I am not that active on this forum, but I often read your posts. If anyone wants to be friends, message each other and talk about our transition I would be very happy!

Christina

[Edina]

I think this is a frustration that many women share, trans or not. I have a few friends who never leave the house without makeup, though they would like to if they felt that they could.

Ultimately it has to come down to what makes you comfortable. But if other people tell you that you pass without makeup then perhaps it is just a matter of building up your own self confidence?

Everyone on earth has aspects of their body that they don't like. Learning to accept the things that you cannot change is one of the keys to happiness.

[Amoré]

I know the feeling today I am walking around bare face and I am constantly aware of how people examine me. I am still undergoing laser and it seemed to have stained my upper lip where they laser, it is awefull because I am self conscious about it and it lets it look like there is still a beard shadow. That said I just try to live with it and feel that even though I look more masculine without makeup I still pass in a way it just shows all my flaws that makes me uncomfortable.

[JoanneB]

Perhaps consider doing my "Can I pass?" exercise:  Spend some "Quality time" really looking at women in the supermarket on a Saturday morning or say Walmart. They are (likely) all cis. Many w/o makeup. They are women, real world women. Probably glad they didn't have to spend that extra 15-30 minutes doing up their face like they do all week.

Yes, makeup helps a lot. In my case at 6ft tall, I do everything I can present as unambiguously female as possible be it in a skirt or in jeans. A little makeup can go a long way to help.

[itschristina]

Thanks girls for your replies.

Edina, it might be a confidence-related thing, idk. My mom says "there's nothing masculine about you, I don't see a male when I look at you", and she's known me for ages, so I guess it would be harder for her to see me as a female. Also, she's quite honest and if something doesn't suit me she has no problem in saying it. However, she's still my mom so she probably wouldn't wanna hurt me anyways... My friends are split in two categories: those who've known me pre-transition and the ones I met after I started presenting as a female. The first ones say "if I look closely I can tell you're trans but probably it's because I've known you for years and I'm used to seeing you as a male" the "new ones" say that there's nothing masculine about me and when I show them my old pics they say I look totally different. Idk. Everyone says something different. I might try to upload a pic on here so maybe someone can give me some honest feedback.

Amorè (beautiful name btw, I'm Italian and "amore" means "love") I know what laser feels like! last time the laser was too strong and it made the lower part of my face swollen, full of pus and bubbles, it was disgusting. From your picture though, you have nothing to worry about you look super pretty and feminine

Joanne, I try doing that exercise sometimes and when I do it, it's pretty clear that a lot of women are far less feminine without makeup on, and it's kind of a relief. But then again, I look at your pic and you look like a beautiful woman! It doesn't seem like you need makeup to me!

[Saira128]

You should think you are lucky gor having a feminine body. I have all the cards stacked against me.
    6ft plus height   Check
    Deep voice          Check
     Large hands and large feet ( size 12 uk)                        Check
    Hairy body             Check
     Low self esteem   Check
    Male pattern baldness   Check

Makes me want to cry everytime I see myself in the mirror.
     Please don't think you are alone. Many of us have got it worse than you. Think of urself as being lucky.

[Dayta]

Christina,

I'm in the same boat as many others, standing 5'11" (used to be 6', but I'm 56), giant hands and feet, etc...  I don't know if your plan is to go on HRT, but at your age, you may see some fairly significant changes to how you look.  If there's one thing to take from your post, it's that you're experiencing what many women, trans- and cis-, experience every day: trying to live up to an unnatural beauty standard.  If you enjoy Amy Shumer, she has a video entitled "Girl, You Don't Need Makeup," which features a boy band and blows up the gump that men toss around about not wanting a girl who "needs makeup."  Hope that brightens up your day.  You've got a whole life ahead of you, and maybe I'm a little jealous.  Hang in there! 

Erin

[davina61]

Wish I could pass with make up, as above largish hands, size 10/9 uk wide feet,5ft 10 and a barrel chest (biggest lung capacity in my class in science) and male pattern baldness with a bass line voice, you have nothing to worry aboutby the sound of it

[Brooke]

Don't forget that we are our own worst critics. We know, better than most what nuances are typically male vs female. I still look at my reflection in the mirror and see Male. Though every stranger I meet sees female, no matter what I'm wearing and what's on my face.

Also check out the spotlight effect. I found it reassuring and a confidence booster.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spotlight_effect


~Brooke~

[Balerie]

Hello everyone, I am writing more as a rant/whining than for actual advice, though I wouldn't mind some nice words or experiences. I am a 22 yo trans girl and I've always been feminine, not only in the way I act but also in the way I look. I have some traits I am very grateful for, such as slim and feminine legs, I'm short, small hands and stuff like that. However when it comes to my face I sometimes feel like I look like a young boy more than a young woman. Makeup does the trick, and I have no problem passing when wearing makeup. The thing is that even though I love makeup, I wish makeup was more of a choice than a need. What I want to say is that I wish I could go buy a bottle of milk without having to do my makeup in order to pass. Everyone says that I still look like a girl without makeup, more on the androgynous side but I feel like they say that just to make me feel better. I wish I was a "natural beauty". I don't want to undergo FFS, I want to be as natural as possible and changing my whole face I feel would be like "lying". I am not against plastic surgery, and I support EVERYONE who's undergone or is planning to undergo FFS, it simply wouldn't be right for me. It is sad because even when I'm dating someone and we spend the night together I need to wake up and do my makeup before they wake up, I need to do my makeup even to walk the dog, it's frustrating, time-consuming and also pretty darn expensive.
Sorry for the rant, but sometimes you just need to let it out!

P.S. I am not that active on this forum, but I often read your posts. If anyone wants to be friends, message each other and talk about our transition I would be very happy!

Christina

We are always our worst critics when it comes to our looks but believe me you are starting with some really good features. Height, feminine features such as legs and hands are really a great start to your feminine appearance. Perhaps it's how you present and see yourself. Remember that most people are too busy with their own lives or their smartphones to scrutinize you so heavily. It's also a good idea to listen to others and how they see your appearance. Their opinions are less biased than your own.

Just look at the pictures people post in the "Do I pass" forums. It's filled with lots of people who pass to everyone else but themselves. It's normal and it takes time. I'm starting out at 5'8" tall with a very stocky build, big feet (size 12 US), and no feminine behavior/qualities I can see at the moment. What I'm getting at is that we all have different things that make us feel we can't pass but it's a work in progress.

[Sinclair]

I pass for me, that's all that counts. I smile, I'm happy, life is good.