Hello friends, agender and anxious

[Svipul]

Hi everyone~

This is actually a lot more nerve-wracking than I thought it would be so I'll try and make this brief.

I'm from Melbourne, Australia, and I'm fairly certain I'm agender/generfluid. I guess you could say I'm still fairly... early on, in the process of all this. Despite looking back and seeing that I've clearly been having gender issues since I was a child, the idea of having gender dysphoria was only presented to me within the last couple years, and I've been slow to dissect and self-reflect and come to a decision on what I want to do.

I'm fairly sure I hate that I was born a woman, but I'm not entirely sure I want to transition completely to a man either. I like the idea of being completely in the middle, and being able to wake up in the morning and present however I wish - though I guess, on most days, as an androgynous-looking male. On a good day, I know I want to get rid of my breasts completely - on others, I get apprehensive and think maybe I should just have them really small. I wish I had those moments of clarity more of the time, but mostly, I'm nervous about the whole thing and very indecisive.

I have a referral to a gender dysphoria clinic - my doctor and psych have been immensely supportive and had it arranged right away the moment I decided to act - but the clinic contacted me asking for more information, including a short written letter describing my dysphoria, and since then I've basically balked up and been putting it off forever.

I found this forum while looking up transition information, wondering what sort of hormone treatment is available for someone not wanting to entirely cross over to male, and if that's even possible. I'm very curvy and have been told by friends how T helped reshape their form, but I have reservations about other things, as well as a pre-existing medical thing that might complicate hormone treatment.

Wow, that 'short' post ended up being longer than I meant it. I've actually never written about any of this before and my hands are shaking a little. If you've stuck with this post this far, thanks for reading.

[zamber74]

Welcome to the forum! 

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. Dealing with hormones is somewhat tricky and you should be willing to deal with all the changes before starting them. Testosterone can create dramatic changes in a relatively short time and it's very likely that it would cause you effectively pass as male. We had a member who thought they could back off testosterone as soon as the desired changes were made however the plan failed when the members voice broke. The decision came down to living with a broken voice or continuing testosterone until the voice settled down to a solid male voice. Therapy should help you determine if you will be comfortable with the changes testosterone will bring but for now, take your time and decide carefully.

We issue to all new members the following links so you will best be able to use the web site.

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy

[V M]

Hi Svipul 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

[JeanetteLW]

Hi Svipul,

   I'm Jeanette. I am 64 fairly recently discovered I am a MtF and started doing HRT to transition into who I think I should be.. I am also a self appointed unofficial greeter here at Susan's Place. As such I want to unofficially  welcome you to Susan's Place. (((HUG))) Welcome welcome come right in and make yourself at home. I found Susan's like you did. While researching to find out about myself and what I could do for what ailed me.  Susan's is a good resource for people like us. There is a lot of information to be had here and all are welcome. Here you can come in and make yourself comfortable. Read others postings and comment on them if you want, Here you can ask your questions and get help and opinions on what you want to know. Here you can explore yourself and begin to figure out what it is you are looking for and where you fit in to this spectrum called gender.
  Be assured you will be treated well by all here. Susan's doesn't believe in anything else. If you are questioning you gender or decided you are of a different gender ID from what the doctors said at your birth then you belong here.
  Make yourself at home.

  Hugs,
   Jeanette

[Jennifer RachaelAnn]

Hi Svipul,

I'm a m2f transgender, so I think I know your struggle, only in reverse. I would think it would be easier for a f2m to pass as male than a m2f. Unless you have a particularly large chest, not that it means anything to me. I mean you can shave your head, dress in baggy clothes with your pants halfway down your thighs, and from across the street people won't notice another dude walking along. But I may be talking out my hind end. I will tell you this tho, shaving is a real pain. I don't know how it is for everyone else here, but I could have spent the last 8 hours shaving and I will STILL have 5:00 shadow. It's infuriating! Unfortunately until I get the courage to try getting waxed I don't think there's much I can do about it. But that's a plus for you. If someone asks why a guy has no leg hair, just tell them professional wrestlers have no body hair either. That usually answers the question. Personally I'm 6'4" and I just describe myself as an Amazon. Not in the looks department unfortunately, but in the physical size.

If I'm violating any TOS here, all I can say is it's not intentional, but...

If your chest is rather small, would an athletic bandage work to bind it down? Someone who knows more about the situation please at least educate me. I wouldn't know about binding anything other than male genitalia.

As a close all I can say is be what you are. Don't be what people think you should be. Don't try to be what other people are just to fit in. Trust me, and I'm sure a lot of people would agree with me, the most damaging thing you could do on this matter is to try to be something you aren't. You are what and who you are. Never let anyone change that for any reason.




Jennifer RachaelAnn

[billyjeans]

I have read about people using sports bras or an article of clothing called a binder to reduce chest size. It seems that there can be some health risks associated with do it yourself binding, such as with ace bandages (even though it sounds like a good idea I believe that it can restrict blood flow and/or breathing so please look into that if you decide to bind for your safety.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Incoherency]

Hi!

I read your post and I feel in almost...an identical situation with my own gender identity, haha. I honestly thought I was super alone in that, so on one hand I'm glad I'm not, but on the other I totally understand the anxiety and stress that comes with the confusion and not being sure of what to do.

I know one friend of mine a while ago said they had a lot of NB friends, including agender or gender-fluid friends who took a very small dosage of HRT for slower changes so it'd be easier to stop if they decided against it or to get to more of that "middle" point you mentioned. But anyways, I definitely hope you get everything figured out soon and it's nice to have you here!

[KittyKatKatie]

Welcome! I'm relatively new here too. The support here has been immense in such a short time already. I hope you find solace here too.