Sometimes I just want to ask them...

[Megan.]

So I'm 2 months into RLE, still pre-HRT,  and really don't think I pass more than a casual glance. Today I was queueing in the ladies fitting rooms in a clothes store waiting for a cubicle to free up. Another lady there asked my advice/opinion on the top she was trying,  and seemed totally comfortable asking me. It was lovely to have that interaction, but I was desperate to ask her if she knew I was trans (and just didn't care), or if I passed.
Arrgg, I just want to ask these random strangers,  but that would be totally wierd haha.  Does anyone else suffer from this curiosity?

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[Rachel_Christina]

Yeah I suppose times I see people look at me, male or female, and I wonder what do you see, or what do you think you see.
I would need alot of nerve to ask though lol

[Megan.]

I want to hire someone to follow me around and survey the people that see me or that I interact with 😁

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[Rachel_Christina]

I want to hire someone to follow me around and survey the people that see me or that I interact with 😁

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That would be a good way of not looking like a dud alright,  might do it hahaha
No but in all seriousness I would love to know.

[LizK]

In one book I read a Trans woman had a friend follow along behind her at a discreet distance video the interaction she had then what happened when people didn't think she could see or hear them...I don't know if I would be brave enough to do it...It think it would be so easy to misinterpret what some peoples reactions were...interesting idea though.

[Julia1996]

I wonder that a lot. People have always stared at me. But now I don't know if they are calling me out as trans or just staring cause Im albino. I would love to know but I would never have the nerve to like ask someone.

[Paige]

So I'm 2 months into RLE, still pre-HRT, 

Hi Megan,

I know you're comfortable with the RLE without HRT, but I have to say this reminds me so much of 1980s style treatment.  To me it sounds barbaric.

Take care,
Paige

[natalie.ashlyne]

Hi Megan,

I know you're comfortable with the RLE without HRT, but I have to say this reminds me so much of 1980s style treatment.  To me it sounds barbaric.

Take care,
Paige

I think she is from england and that is the way they do it there ya it sucks

[Megan.]

Ye,  I'm not sure 'comfortable'  is the word haha 😂

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[Julia1996]

maybe some look at you simply because you are so beautiful that they forget for a moment that it is impolite to stare even then.  I wish I knew the right thing to say to convey support without inadvertently just making matters worse, but I hope you get my intent.  At least know that I read your posts and relate to how you feel ... really.  I can't know what your experience is like, but I sure do understand what it is like to have more than being trans to cope with too.

Thank you. I'm trying to just ignore people staring and a lot of the time it doesn't bother me too much. But then I have days I feel especially ugly and then it does. If I wear a lot of eye makeup and my tinted contact lenses I look more normal, just very pale. But I don't do all that if I'm just going to like Walmart or the grocery store. No one likes being stared at but for trans  people its a lot more unnerving. I guess I could start doing what my brother does. If he notices someone really staring at me he will pull out his phone and say " give me your number and I can text you a picture of her. Then you won't have to stare so hard"  That usually really embarrasses the person,

[Barb99]

So I'm 2 months into RLE, still pre-HRT,  and really don't think I pass more than a casual glance. Today I was queueing in the ladies fitting rooms in a clothes store waiting for a cubicle to free up. Another lady there asked my advice/opinion on the top she was trying,  and seemed totally comfortable asking me. It was lovely to have that interaction, but I was desperate to ask her if she knew I was trans (and just didn't care), or if I passed.
Arrgg, I just want to ask these random strangers,  but that would be totally wierd haha.  Does anyone else suffer from this curiosity?

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OMG, I can relate to this! When I first went full time that's about all I thought about when I went out. Yes I always wanted to ask people what they were thinking. One time I was in line for a cashier, I was standing back a ways and the next cashier said mam I can help you over here. When I got up to her she said sorry sir. I told her no need to apologize. I then asked her what gave me away? She just kept apologizing, I could not get her to tell me what gave me away.

I think it was around 6 months full time that I just didn't care what people thought anymore. It does get better and easier, just give it some time.

[Megan.]

Well I'm very glad it's not just me that's curious! Some interesting experiences and ideas.

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[echo7]

So I'm 2 months into RLE, still pre-HRT,  and really don't think I pass more than a casual glance. Today I was queueing in the ladies fitting rooms in a clothes store waiting for a cubicle to free up. Another lady there asked my advice/opinion on the top she was trying,  and seemed totally comfortable asking me. It was lovely to have that interaction, but I was desperate to ask her if she knew I was trans (and just didn't care), or if I passed.
Arrgg, I just want to ask these random strangers,  but that would be totally wierd haha.  Does anyone else suffer from this curiosity?

You could say something like:
"I love that top!  It looks so great on you!  By the way, I know this may seem weird, and I feel sooo awkward for saying this, but I just have to ask, 'did you know that I'm transgender?'  Oh really?  What made you think that way?  Oh, I think I understand.  You see, I'm still fairly early in my gender transition, and I'm learning as much as I can and figuring things out as I go.  Your opinion has been so helpful to me.  Thank you!"

When you are honest with people, and genuinely ask for their help from a point of vulnerability, they will very frequently be glad to assist you.

[HappyMoni]

Megan,
   Most of the people at my work knew my previous self. The new people, well, I'm never sure how much they know and I am sometimes tempted to ask. The thing is, they never misgender me like even some of my biggest allies sometimes accidentally do. So if I satisfy my curiosity, I run the risk of blowing a good thing. I finally decided that at some point I will not desire to ask that question any more. Maybe too, it is good to keep at least the possibility that one passes in one's head.
Moni

[Megan.]

Echo - I agree,  and in another situation I might,  but I'm still very aware than in a location like a women's dressing area,  others there might feel more vulnerable than elsewhere.
Moni, I'm in the same situation,  most of my colleagues innocently dead-name or mis-gender me on occasion.
I'm one of the most curious people I know,  and I'll be fine,  it just drives me bonkers! Haha

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