Balance is indeed the difficult part. As afab bi-gender, it would be relatively easy for me to be non-transitioning since my female side is dominant, but my male side just won't leave me be for all that long before starting the dysphoria buzz. My female side doesn't want to give up the control she's had for so long, though. It's almost like I'm negotiating between the two sides of myself for what is acceptable and non-acceptable (ie will cause dysphoria).
So, I'm getting modified top surgery (I'm a G-cup and unbindably large) to a C or D cup so I can bind. I'm 5'9" and have naturally male-straight hips, so in female mode I'll wear hip padding. I'm getting on HRT and eventually meta, so I can have the penis that is the cause of my most extreme physical dysphoria, but I am only getting simple release meta, so I will still have my vagina and can be on the receiving end of PiV sex.
Slowly my female side has given up the impossible idea of becoming the physically petite and girly little feminine self she really wants to be (as physically impossible as it is for many MtFs) and my male side has let up on the dysphoria because I'm working toward what he wants. For my male side it helps that my body is in many ways closer to male than female already. Big, strong and solid.
Now, let's see what happens when I actually get on testosterone. It's either going to be a disaster, or the best thing that ever happened to me.
