Not 100% sure where to start... So I guess from when i moved to the house i grew up in...
From the time I started Kindergarten, I always felt out of place, I found it very hard to make friends. I made one friend, and we hung out everyday. My sister went to that school as well, although people would always pick on me because I used to play a game every time for recess where we where cats that went on adventures daily.
When I was home, I kinda stuck to my self. I used to build legos and I was very good. I also used to play with my sisters dolls very often and play imaginary games with them. I also used to play with my sisters stuffed animals, although she did not like it.
My grandma on my moms side of the family got a cat for me. I called her kitty, and she used to hang with me all the time.
When I was 7, I came out to my dad, although he said that it would never happen as he did not know anything about it and though it was a phase. It did not help with the area we lived in, and even more the closest city was a 40 min drive. Then there was the fact that there was no internet being in a rural area, you where unable to find any sort of help. So in the mean time, I tried my best to hide it.
My school I went to only went up to grade 6 and even with that, there was still only less than a hundred students. when I was in grade 2, 3, 4, me and 10 others where in a split grade (same class another grade below us). I was beat up every other day, and made fun of.
My dad started to teach me how to skate, although I did not like it. We practiced on a pond, and one day I was sitting on the side, when the ice started to sink and break. Ever since that day, I have never went skating again. I go on the ice, but I am very careful, even to the point where when I go atving, I test the ice thickness, so I don't fall in.
By the time I got to grade 6, I felt really depressed, and out of it, I spent most of my time in the fields in the back of the school yard. One day, in was in the back, picking flowers and I ran into poison ivy, but did not know what it was, and I ended up with it all over my face. It was very bad, my dad complained to the school, and they closed the school for a week to remove it, although they removed it and claimed they did not have any there, so they did not fall under a lawsuit.
Not only that, our 6th grade teacher just left half way through the semester and never came back. We had cops talk to us every day for a month, asking us questions like (did he ever touch you, did he ever say sexual comments, etc). Ended up he was not a teacher, and he lied on his resume. He made fun of me every day before that, so I told the cops that.
When we had to transfer to another school for grade 7 and 8, we went to a school down the road. Sad part is my friend I had, my one friend, moved away just before grade 6 finished. When I got to the new school, I found it very hard to make friends. On the 2nd month, I made 2 new friends, both where girls. And during lunch, we would talk.
About half was into grade 7, the bulling got so bad to the point where, I would be getting beat up, while everyone stood by, and even some teachers. Only teachers that would stop it where the teachers that are not born there. I was beat up 5-9 times a week, and I was suspended for it as well, while the student that did it was not.
It got so bad to the point where about half way through grade 7, I attempted suicide and not just once, I attempted it 9 times in grade 7, they raged, from jumping off something, to cutting/stabbing myself.
Not only was there the bulling, I knew there was something fully wrong. I was still playing with my sisters toys, and I wore women's clothing. I came out to my dad again in hopes that he will help, although he said no, and that I am not allowed to do it.
It was very hard to look into what was wrong with me as my school had nothing on the topic. I was not even able to check online as we had dial-up internet and I had windows 98 and no internet wire up in my room.
Shorty after that, I got a Dirt Bike, "Yamaha Big Wheel". I used it very often, and every day after school, I would ride it way out in the county and stop, and lay there in the grass hoping for things to change.
Around the same time, my mom enrolled me in sea cadets, and, I attended that every Thursday. I would attend several of the parades playing the snare drum and bass drum. In return I would be able to get to go skiing for free . I earned the rank LS and was a month away from Petty Officer, but then I moved..
By grade 8, I had 8 friends, 7 where girls and one was a boy, One day he asked if I could bring one of my sprite bombs to school for him (Small rock covered in gun power and goes poof on the ground). When I handed it over to him, he through it on the school wall. Haha, that gave me a laugh, although the school went on lock-down and they called the swat and bomb squad in. They even had the swat RV and even helicopter.
For that I did get suspended for 2 weeks, and so did my friend.
After that, I tended to stick to my 7 friends that where all girls. We just talked and hung out in the soccer field. I never talked about me wanting to be a girl, although, I think they could tell by my reactions.
When I went to high school, I did not find it any easier, I had less friends, still had 3 friends and again, they where all girls. I am not sure, I just found it easy to make friends with girls and relate to them in many ways and seemed way easier to talk to.
About a month into grade 9, we had a house fire, and that broke me. I lost everything. We lived in a hotel for 4 months, and then moved to a rental house down the street from the house. Not only was everything damaged from the smoke, it was so hot that the steel I beams melted, so most of our stuff was past repair.
As soon as that semester finished, we moved closer to family to get a new life. I made again 3 friends, 2 girls and one guy. every lunch, we would go to the games room and play board game. although that school was nice and clean, (We where the first semester of students in there as they just built it), it was more a nerdy school as everyone was one level, one level of English, one level of math, etc. there was only around 500 students there.
After that semester, we moved once again, and I had to make friends all over again.
At the new house, I started to dress as a women at home, and we got high speed internet, well, fast enough lol, and I started to research why I am this way.
I stated to dress more and more, and then my dad and my dad's girl friend found out. My dad yelled and me and said to stop, and if I want to be a woman, to wait until after I finished high school.
My dad's girl friend on the other hand never liked me, and this made her start to harass me, and threaten me. she even attacked me, and said that she was going to send me to jail and a mental institute, just because I am a transgender and she did not agree with it.
By the time I got to grade 11, I could not take it any more and had to come out, although my dad did not agree and would not let me, so I started looking my own self on how to start. I went to my doctor and asked to start HRT and he just laughed at me, and called me gay. After that I tried my best to avoid the Doctor. I just ignored it, and I just talked to my friends at school about it.
When I moved to that school, I made 2 friends that where girls instantly. They are who I told about me. They where very supportive and every lunch, we would just hang.
When I got to grade 12, I made 7 friends that were girls, and 3 that were guys.
I could not stand being a male so much, I turned to the black market and was looking to self HRT myself. (But did not)
Shortly after that, I went an got a counselor who knew about this. She was good, although as soon as she said I should start HRT my dad pulled me out, and said I am not allowed to go.
By the time I finished High School, I asked my dad if I can start to transition, although he said no and now to wait till I finish college.
When I go to college, I felt free, and I stated to dress as a woman (In Private {At Home, and around the house}) and, I found a counselor here. She also said I should start HRT.
It was not until after the first month of college, where I started to come out to my friends and family. I think my mom was the hardest. I also started to dress up more. It got to a point where I would be dress more as a female than male on an average day.
After seeing my counselor for a few months, she said I can start, and my dad said, sure what ever, as I kept asking him. So I have called a few doctors and they forwarded me to the main place in Toronto, although the wait is 2-3 years. So I then used a service by the government that helps find doctors in our area. Now its the waiting game.
Although they would find a Doctor they found me someone who did not know anything. So I looked on myself and found a Doctor who only deals with HRT of Trans* Patients.
Now, I have been on HRT officially since Jan 2016. Took a while, but found a DR who is able to prescribe the medication without the long wait in Toronto. I started on a very low does, at first, and did not see many changes, but as soon as my does was upped about 2/3's through the year, I started to see many changes.
I also changed Programs as my old program, I did not find it too fun, and the math was insanely hard in it. So I went to find a new program I would like, and now I am currently in Computer Systems Tech - Networking. This is really anything that requires an IT person, such as support with any IT problem you may have to setting up networks, virtualization and work stations for place like school labs for example.
This program is so much easier, and revolves around everything that I do already. This also expands my knowledge as well as builds it build onto my Experience. It also has more jobs open that are out there, whereas the old one it was so hard to get an interview.
In real life, I have been attending a Group that is every Thursday, and I have some friends there.
Attending this group also helps with my moods, as there are some people just like me. Although I have yet to find a friend who I can hang, and relate with, I still have some friends there. But who knows, maybe one day, I will find someone who is just like me, who I can be friends with and who we can each relate with, and all..
Now for the good part, I have moved out of our old house and away from that Crazy insane dad's ex-girlfriend, and we are currently living in a 3 bedroom house, Although I use one room as an office, we are nice and far away from that old house. I am also close to many places such as my college and my groups I attend, but still out in the county/forested area.
I have now been on HRT for just over a year, and I am working on growing my hair out (Takes forever, hehe). I am also on a higher dose as my blood works showed that it was not doing too much. At home, I don't care how I look, but at school, I am still more or less hiding, but I do wear a sports bra every day.
~Finch
