Gender affirming

[jennijsmith]

Good day. My name is Jenni. I'm 40 years old. I've been struggling with gender dysphoria my entire life. I didn't have words for it until recently. In addition to GD I have several co-morbid conditions: severe depression, severe social anxiety, insomnia, ADD, paranoia, etc. I'm mtf though I am pre everything and I may never transition. That's another story.

One thing I am struggling with lately is gender affirming doctors, community, friends, and family. I've talked to my therapist about this but I am curious what others think as well.

What is the difference between surrounding myself with gender affirming people and surrounding myself with people who are willing to, and encourage me, allow me to live out my fantasies?

Thanks for your time and responses.

[findingreason]

Hi Jenni, welcome to Susan's! I'm sure one of the moderators will be by here with the links to common stuff to read when first joining.

I can relate to some of the conditions you have. They interfered with me for years with transition, and I couldn't face my dysphoria until I got a strong medical and social support network. I have severe depression, anxiety, paranoia problems and hallucinations (both of which are under control by medication now), and borderline personality disorder.

What country do you live in? If you live in the USA, I can link you to a resource list that I know of with gender therapists and such that could be helpful to you.

I feel like surrounding yourself with people who encourage you to be yourself is an ideal. Is it a fantasy when you are experience gender dysphoria? It's who you are in your heart, and they want out. Maybe try to confide in a friend that you believe would be supportive, and possibly look for a shopping buddy? I remember early on in my journey, having another girl come with me to shop for clothes was very affirming and helped to gradually build my confidence up.

Coming here to a support community of thousands of others with similar experiences is a great first step. You'll be able to share experience, get advice, build connections, and be validated in your identity.

[jennijsmith]

Hey findingreason! Thanks for responding. One of the reasons I am here and reaching out is to find another support community. I have a gender therapist that I have recently begun seeing. Prior to that I had about a year of general therapy. I've visited a local support within the last month and am planning on going to their next meeting. There is another group that I have made contact with and will likely visit as well.

I have been reading, watching, and consuming about everything I can get my hands on to try to understand this aspect of me. I've known since I was very young that I wanted to be a woman, but it wasn't until about this time last year that it came out in a way that I was not prepared for, nor knew how to deal with, all of it bursting out of me all at once. I have apparently deeply suppressed this part of myself for a very, very long time.

I came out to an old friend who I have recently reconnected with. She was extremely supportive and encouraging.

Have you found that transitioning has alleviated your dysphoria? How about with some of your other conditions?

[findingreason]

That is excellent to hear! It sounds like you are already on the right track. I'm glad you have a gender therapist and are reaching out here at Susan's, as well as in your local community.

Gender dysphoria has this strong way of coming when we least expect it and grabbing hold of every thread of our being, forcing us into listening to it and demanding something be done about it. I struggled with doubt and suppressing my identity for a while before it could no longer be ignored. I had to do similar to what you are doing now and do something about it. Since coming out to myself, and those that know me and plunging full into transition, my dysphoria has definitely alleviated. I still have to pursue things like facial hair removal, tracheal shave, and GRS because they are still causing me dysphoria. It's been a day by day process for the last few years and especially since starting HRT.

My conditions have been monitored by my psychiatrist and therapist, and I've required psychiatric hospitalization more than once for them. We're working on tweaking some medication and treatment paths so that I can get back on track from this last year and a half of struggles psychologically.

Is it possible you can arrange with her to do something like go into a local store or mall and doing some clothes shopping or anything that will allow you to explore who you are? Has it been something you've done before?

[findingreason]

A moderator hasn't come by yet, so I'll share with you the links that you should read and review regarding being a member of the community here:

Things that you should read

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
  
• Reputation rules
  
• News posting & quoting guidelines
  
• Photo, avatars, and signature images policy
  

[V M]

Hi Jenni 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that we offer to all new members to help them along

Please be sure to review:

Things that you should read

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
  
• Reputation rules
  
• News posting & quoting guidelines
  
• Photo, avatars, and signature images policy
  

Hugs

V M

[jennijsmith]

Thanks to both of you for the links. I have read them and see no problem abiding by the rules. I'm sincerely glad that they are in place. I'm looking forward to participating and getting to know the members of the site.

I find myself needing more support than I can get from my therapist and psychiatrist.

As far as going shopping with my old friend, I would love to. However, she lives in another state and it isn't really doable for now.

A couple other details that are making it difficult for me to sort through all of my complex feelings and emotions is the fact that I am married with children. I would be interested in reading the experiences of others and if they were able to keep their marriage together, children happy and healthy, and resolve in whole or in part their GD.

I realize the headline for the topic isn't really an "introduction" per se. But I have given plenty of introductory details about myself, my situation, and one of my current struggles.

[jennijsmith]

Thanks again for the warm welcomes and an introductions to the rules here. I noticed that no one actually answered my question. I don't know if that's because the question is off putting or what. I can assure you that it is a very legitimate question and struggle I'm currently trying to work through. I'd imagine that someone here has experience with this feeling of confusion. If so, could you please share your perspective? I am simply looking for answers.

Thank you so much for your time in reading this.

[Mikaela]

What is the difference between surrounding myself with gender affirming people and surrounding myself with people who are willing to, and encourage me, allow me to live out my fantasies...

I don't think your question is off-putting, but I do think it could use some clarification. Maybe you could rephrase it?


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[jennijsmith]

Thank you. I will try to rephrase.

Is there a difference between a) surrounding myself with gender affirming folks to support me before, during, and after my transition, or b) surrounding myself with folks who are willing to indulge my fantasies of being a woman as I bring them to life?

I asked my therapist this question and she had an interesting perspective. I'm curious what others think. Especially those that have transitioned and have had significant loss in personal relationships.

I suppose the bigger question is: Is my desire to be female a fantasy or something more?

I hope that helps clarify what I'm trying to understand. It's a struggle for me to currently move past this. I appreciate any feedback, thoughts, opinions, suggestions, etc. I do ask that for now, would you please ignore the bigger question and instead focus on the first?

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. What we feel is not a fantasy. It's biological in nature and is cause by in the case of a MTF insufficient exposure to testosterone before birth. That causes our brain to develop as feminine and causes our discomfort with the male role in life. Testosterone adds fuel to the flame and helps to make us uncomfortable. Cross dressing or moving into the feminine role if done for an extended period of time makes us more comfortable with ourself. Many MTFs and FTMs report major improvements in comfort within week of starting cross gender hormone treatment. This is because modern treatment suppress their current sex hormone which is causing much of the discomfort.

As for your first question. it's what every you are comfortable with. As this isn't a fantasy, I enjoy the community for their willingness to share and the common bond we have. I also send time away from the community and enjoy people for what they have to offer. I have lived many years away from the community and I could continue to do so however I feel I have something to share with those who come after me.

[Janes Groove]

Welcome to the club jenni.  I'm glad you are are getting some help with understanding your gender identity with a gender therapist.

I noticed that no one actually answered my question.

I think findingreason did answer your question. It's not that complicated. 

I feel like surrounding yourself with people who encourage you to be yourself is an ideal. Is it a fantasy when you are experience gender dysphoria? It's who you are in your heart, and they want out.

Gender dysphoria is a real phenomenon. It's listed in the DSM and accepted as being a real thing by all reputable psychotherapists.  You can hold out hope that someone will come along with another answer and convince you that gender dysphoria is a fantasy, but if you don't recognize it as a real thing and take steps to deal with it then you will be forever plagued by it.  And believe me. There a many, many religiously and politically motivated people who will be more than willing to convince you that it is a fantasy if you choose to listen to them. 

[findingreason]

Gender dysphoria is a real phenomenon. It's listed in the DSM and accepted as being a real thing by all reputable psychotherapists.  You can hold out hope that someone will come along with another answer and convince you that gender dysphoria is a fantasy, but if you don't recognize it as a real thing and take steps to deal with it then you will be forever plagued by it.  And believe me. There a many, many religiously and politically motivated people who will be more than willing to convince you that it is a fantasy if you choose to listen to them. 

I realized rereading my post, I came across funny and not quite how I intended it, I apologize sincerely. I was rather sleepy when I wrote that reply.

I meant that surrounding oneself with people encouraging you to be yourself is ideal and it helps to affirm oneself. When one experiences gender dysphoria, is it really a fantasy? It's very real. And that person inside you wants out.

[Mikaela]

I've found that fantasies and even kinks are often the bread crumbs of our psyche leading us to our own truth. Getting stuck on the breadcrumbs misses the message they have for us...


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[jennijsmith]

Thank you ladies. :-)

[jennijsmith]

One more question and then I'm likely through with this thread.

What is the best board to discuss religious debates? I don't actually care to debate religion with anyone. I'm more interested in other's viewpoints, takes, understanding, etc concerning the application of the Christian Bible and cross-dress and transgender issues.

I had found a great breakdown of Deuteronomy 22:5, in particular, that I found very useful. It may have even been on this very website. I can't seem to locate it again.

digression
All of you ladies who answered are very experienced and tactfully insightful in your replies to my questions. For that, I once again say thank you. I think I'm going to like it here. A lot.
digression

Back to the original second ask. I saw the board for religious news. My concerns do not fit there. Perhaps there isn't a good place to discuss such things here. If that's the case, that is okay as well. As most conversations of the like, in my experience, devolve into arguments.

I'm primarily looking for various commentaries on the above mentioned scripture. So if you know of any, and Google turns up a lot of viewpoints, resources please share them with me. Either here, on a new thread mentioning me, or by private message.

Again, thank you <3

[Dena]

Take your Pick. The Spirtuality gives you several flavors to chose from.

[jennijsmith]

Thank you Dena. I'm not sure how I missed the Spirituality board. Admittedly, I don't always read everything. I'm more of a skimmer looking for keywords. I will check it out.