Why We Are Coming Out "Later" in Life

[Tasha.McKenna]

I think that as people get older, there is less need to "fit in".

When you are in your teens and twenties, a lot of your energy is spent on trying to "make it" - to establish yourself, to build a reputation, to grow a career, to make friends and build a social network. And there are aspects of our selves which we suppress because we feel that they won't be widely accepted, that they may hinder these goals. You push them so far down into your unconscious that you are hardly aware of them.

After that comes what I call the "age of peak responsibility" - the thirties and forties where you have no free time, you have so many commitments to job and kids and friends that you don't have the time or energy to think about self-development or introspection.

But by the time you have reached your fifties, all those suppressed aspects of yourself, those things which you've kept hidden for too long - they start to clamor for attention, the pressure builds and you find yourself with these odd dreams and desires, and you wonder what's wrong with you, where this stuff came from. And you also realize that perhaps you don't care so much about what your friends and neighbors think, and so you start to experiment - what happens if I let them see *this*?

[Michelle_P]

Well, I can see a couple of reasons.

When I was young and knew I was somehow different, information was really hard to come by, and the proposed treatments when I was caught at age 15 were not exactly therapy, HRT and transition. (They were scary.  Clockwork Orange scary.)

I honestly thought, even when I had a label on this back in the 1980s, that I could suppress it for the rest of my life.  Didn't work.

I finally couldn't keep this hidden, and part of that may have been simply the passage of time.  Seeing social acceptance rising, even for older transitioners, may also have been a factor.  Ultimately, I remember thinking that I just didn't want to die as a male. 

[heatherrose]

The pain of remaining overwhelmed my fear in moving forward.

[Thessa]

It got to the point that the idea of growing old as a man, i.e. becoming an old man, a greybeard if you will, became too much to bear.  I knew getting old was inevitable but having barely survived being a young man, then endured being a middle-aged man becoming an old man was just one bridge too far.  I knew I couldn't do it.

It was similar, after my father died I started to reevaluate my life and thought about the outlook of growing old and becoming like him.

I was also very unhappy in my relationship.

First I thought everything had to do with my job and I was suffering from a classical burnout.

Denial was still strong at this point but during my first therapy session it was like a volcanic eruption and here we go...

[vicki_sixx]

I wouldn't put too much emphasis on the fact that we're more progressive because I noticed 20 years ago that the average trans coming out was over 40 (and usually married with kids). 20 years ago was just as progressive as now - hardly the 50s lol - and you can even argue that the past few years (in America especially) attitudes have regressed.

I'd say the overriding factors are:
a) had enough of hiding/living a lie.
b) realisation that time is fleeting and we only get one shot at life.
c) reduced testosterone over middle age.
d) having enjoyed marriage and had children, there's little to fear. Even if it all goes Pete Tong, they've left their mark on the world and done what their upbringing told them to do. They also enjoyed their peak years as their birth sex so even if going trans turns out to be a mistake, they've not screwed up that badly.

[Jazmynne]

after starting to have these feeling of being actually female and finally accepting being transgender at age 63 the why now questions come up quite often in my mind. what I feel makes it harder at this age is all the male things that have been accomplished like was said from being married and having children and what could and possibly would be lost if I was to come out. I often look in the mirror and ask myself why am I this way. accepting yourself is more difficult because of living a male life for so long, plus  accepting yourself for me is an everyday challenge.         

[cheryl reeves]

I somewhat came out 17 yrs ago at the age of 35, but it's taken another 17 yrs too realise I'm tired of living a lie. I've always known I was female but being forced to be male and then my dad dying when I was 16 left me bouncing through life not knowing who I am because I focused so much on other things and putting others first.

[sarah1972]

I finally admitted to myself I am trans at age 44. The heightened awareness and public discussion finally allowed me to understand what has been going on since I was 7 years old. Me finally doing research and understanding was mostly triggered by the "bathroom" discussion last year and finally feeling somewhat safe to finally become myself.

I think the change in society which allows many to come out who have been hiding their true identity for most of their life is perceived as "trend".

One last thing I wanted to share is a video / article about a 91 MTF in the U.K. She just came out publicly. The article is in German but the video is all English. She has been hiding her feelings since she was 3. At 60 she came out to her wife and finally at 91 felt safe enough to go public.
http://www.bento.de/queer/patricia-hat-sich-mit-90-jahren-als-transgender-geoutet-1287994/