I am a cis female and my FtM boyfriend and I have been struggling with our sexual relationship because I have become a trigger for his GID. This began because I brought up earlier on in our relationship that I struggle connecting emotionally through sex, and up to that point I had only successfully been fully emotionally invested when I was dating a cis male. My boyfriend and I had had sex on a few occasions before this and my revelation made him feel that I was saying that I could ONLY have an emotional sexual connection with a person with a cis male. He and I have spoken on the topic since then and with time I have been able to clarify my feelings on the subject, but he still feels afraid to be intimate with me. This is difficult because I have my own anxieties around sex and do not frequently take the initiative to start because of my fear, but he says that he doesn't feel fully desired, and worse, sex with me sometimes makes him feel like he's a girl and not the man that he is.
I desire him frequently and find him very attractive and tell him so. I love having sex with him, and over time and with a lot of communication, my fears have started to fade and heal and I have been taking initiative more. However, his fear still persists. He feels that there is nothing to do to help him except for us to try to have sex using various conditions to just try and get us over the hump, no pun intended. I am willing to try because I miss him and honestly, who knows maybe it will work. I should also note that he has told me that he has never been triggered by a specific sexual partner in the past, only situations.
I suppose I have two questions. First, are there any resources that can help eleviate some of the hurt from his dysphoria? Like, is there a healing method that people use to help triggers become less triggering? And second, how can I, as his partner who is cis, help him to see that there is hope? Or is there no hope?
Thank you for any and all responses, I love him truly and I just want to try to not be such a part of the hurt.
