Getting used to pronouns

[Axolotl]

A couple of months ago, I was pretty upset because I realized that people were calling me she/her only because I request it.  Almost no strangers use the correct pronouns until I correct them for misgendering me.  This devalues when my friends or family use the correct pronouns.

I don't know how long it will be until I pass, but it hurts to the extent that I am not comfortable when people who know me use the correct pronouns.  He/him pronouns are absolutely not tolerable for me, and they/them also are not.  So, I still have to correct people for misgendering me and try to get used to being called she/her by people who know me.

I'm wondering, others who do not pass well, how do you feel about being called your correct pronouns?

[The Flying Lemur]

How come strangers' mistakes devalue what your friends and family are doing for you?  I would set a lot more emotional store by the regard of people who care about me than the assumptions of strangers. 

I don't pass at all right now but I'm still coming out to those who know me.  That's because the way I look to others is less important to me than the way I feel.  I certainly don't care a great deal about what people who don't even know me think.  I won't lie, I'm looking forward to passing at least some of the time, but I don't plan on dwelling on the times I don't get the response I want.  Getting very emotionally invested in something you can't control, like the perceptions of others, sounds to me like a quick path to misery. 

[LizK]

Is it really a strangers mistake or just plain ignorance? If you are presenting yourself as female then my expectation is that out of curtesy alone most people will gender you correctly. It is polite and in public expected

If you present yourself as, clearly female yet people choose to use male pronouns IMHO it is because of ignorance and even if you did pass these are the people who would still use the wrong pronouns. As you can see by my Avatar picture I do not "pass" per se but I get gendered correctly as long as I am presenting female.

Pronouns matter a lot...I also am struggling with how they impact me. I was really surprised at how they made me feel...I hate being misgendered but it is happening less as I have moved into fulltime.

Liz 

[natalie.ashlyne]

I work in a female dominated field I always get she or bye girls or what ever like that because they were not used to a guy working there I would always say um what about me. I dont say anything now but have not told anyone yet either

[Axolotl]

Well I suppose I care about stranger's mistakes more than my family using the correct pronouns, because my family only consists of one person: my dad.  All other family members either rejected me, or don't use the correct pronouns even though they are aware I'm trans.  As far as friends go, I have no close friends.  Just the people I see at a trans support group that are distant friends.  Perhaps one way to fix it would be trying to establish better friendships, but I've had so little success with that since coming out as trans.

Pronouns and misgendering matter a lot to me too.  I present as female.  All of my clothes is women's casual and I often get misgendered even while carrying a purse.  I believe the only thing holding me back from passing is 5 o'clock shadow, and I don't use make up.  It's my personal preference not to use any make up along with other intentional choices like that.