Hi All

[Pao]

I'm Pao,

I'm FtM. I'm Pre-everything. My husband and I have been TTC for 4.5 years. We found out this past winter that without IVF we cannot conceive. I had been putting off all transition in order to try and have a genetic child. IVF costs so much, it is really not an option.

I am currently seeking a letter. My long time thereapist says she doesn't feel qualified to write it, because she is not a gender specialist. Even though I meet all the wpath criteria. So I am trying to get in with the guy in the office that is WPATH trained.

I called the informed consent clinic, they aren't doing the program because the coordinator left. Sure wish they would have put that on the website. It took a lot of courage to call in the first place.

I've ID as bi-gendered since I was 19. I am 35 now. But the past few years I have begun to realize that I am FtM and simply terrified of transition/coming out. I guess I was thinking if I didn't have to "transition" I didn't have to come out to in-laws and parents, and co-workers. But my dysphoria seems to grow  by the day.

I am a Grounds Keeper by trade. A Horticulturist at heart. I love the idea of homesteading. I have 2 chickens, 3 cats, and a Dog.

[Michelle_P]

Hi, Palo!

I'm sorry you had that frustration with the clinic.  It sure sounds like you're trying to take care of yourself.  With any luck, you'll get connected with that WPATH trained specialist and get everything on track.  I found working with a gender therapist to be amazingly helpful.

I hope you feel welcome here.

I also want to share some links with you. They are mostly welcome information and the rules that govern the site. If you have not had a chance to take a look, please take a moment to go through them.

Things that you should read

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
  
• Reputation rules
  
• News posting & quoting guidelines
  
• Photo, avatars, and signature images policy
  

Once again, welcome to Susan's. Look around, ask questions and join in.

[Pao]

Thanks. I've read most of the links already. I appreciate the welcome.

[Devlyn]

Hi Pao, welcome to Susan's Place! I'm up near Boston. It sounds like you have a special connection to the land. I hope you get a chance to have your homestead some day. See you around the site!

Hugs, Devlyn

[JeanetteLW]

Hi Pao,

  Welcome to Susan's Place. I'm Jeanette and I'm mtf, and a self appointed unofficial greeter here.  Come on in and be at ease. There are a lot of helpful supportive people here as I am sure you know by now. Here have a seat in Michelle's chair. She won't mind she probably out doing something in moderation or something like that.
     Being terrified about transitioning and coming out to family and friends is a common theme around here. I must admit that I too am going through that myself having started HRT only a few months ago and outside of medical people I have only come out to my daughter and her family with less than desired reception and a couple of very good friends who though surprised took it very well telling me I'd have to do better than this to get them to stop loving me.  So I am running about 50-50. It's hard coming out to anyone.
  Anyway I hope you feel welcome here and find what you are looking for. We are happy to have you here.

  Hugs,
    Jeanette

[Pao]

Thank everyone for the warm Welcome.

Yes I do have a connection with the earth and I really appreciate the well wishes on the homestead.

[Michelle_P]

Palo, I didn't mention this in my first reply, but I think your working with the earth and tending the animals is a wonderful thing.  That sort of activity can be very centering, calming in the storm.  I also believe that working with the earth can be a source of great strength for each of us as we move forward on our individual paths.

Again, welcome!

[V M]

Hi Pao 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M