Hiya :)

[EmilyS]

Hello, my name is Emily. I am about turn 27 and have recently accepted that I am truly a woman within. I am married to a wonderful woman that I love with my all. We are expecting and I am so thrilled! In my fantasy, I transition mtf and she is perfectly happy with that and we continue to live our life we've built together. I have told only my wife about my feeling transgendered. She didn't seem angry but instead she seemed quite and maybe somewhat frustrated but I know it was because of her not knowing how to feel. She made a comment as to why I maybe felt that way. We both sorta let it go, but as in the past when I've felt my femininity at a high and pushed it away, it came back. It's been about 3 or 4 months since I mentioned it to her. I can remember as far back as around 4 years old and displaying feminine behavior. I had times at a very young age where I experienced confusion over my male genitals because I felt they shouldn't be there. I don't hate my male genitals, they are actually pleasing in size and aesthetics, but that doesn't negate the fact that they still feel foreign and they are extra parts I shouldn't have. As most, I tried on my sister's clothes as a teen. Not too get too caught up in my story but to sum it up, I feel positive and energetic when I dress in women's clothes with makeup, etc. it's like the male bravado fades and I (Emily) am
finally set free from the shackles society has placed upon me. When I'm in male clothes I feel so out of touch with my true self, but I know I am still that same positive spunky girl. I was raised religiously and am religious still. However, for whatever reason, I do believe some are born into the wrong body. I don't see myself ever transitioning, though I would take hrt right now if I knew it wouldn't affect so many others in my life. I know I should think about myself but I just can't do that to my wife and especially our child on the way. If I were to take hrt and have srs if it would change so much in their life too. I'm so confused as I don't want to push my femininity away any longer. I have always been told I look like I'm in my teens. I have a "baby face" naturally long eye lashes and full lips. I want to wear dresses, skirts, grow my hair out long, paint my nails, put makeup on my face and be the woman I truly am. I want the female body that match the inner me. Thanks for reading this if you have any questions or want to say hello, please leave comments. <3 - Emily

[V M]

Hi Emily 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

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Hugs

V M

[EmilyS]

Thanks for the welcome! I'm so excited to talk to other girls who understand me and what I'm going through. I've found keeping a diary on my phone has really helped too.

[JeanetteLW]

 Hi Emily,

Welcome to Susan's place. I'm Jeanette, mtf on hrt. I am also 64 and fairly new at this stuff. Much of what you said is not new to me as I have had a long head start on those desires you related. It's heady exciting stuff contemplating becoming a woman like i've dreamed of being all these years yet not understanding why I felt that way.
  First I was a pervert wearing girls things, but no that wasn't right. Then it was a fetish, s sexual thing but no that's not it either. Then I was just a crossdresser a strange affliction but I wasn't sick. Yeah that's it I just like to wear women's clothes. I had myself convinced I was a life long crossdresser but even that was a lie as I recently found out. What I was when I quit lying to myself was a transgender woman. Now that's a really long involved story summed up into a few words but it gets the idea across.
   You are very right in saying transition would affect everyone around you. It is serious stuff. You could lose all you have now. and if you don't transition and it is really what you need to do then you could lose everything and everyone around you. You can even lose yourself. So make sure you make the decision you need to because it is important and it will not go away by doing nothing.

  I'm sorry to be so serious but it is an important thing for you to understand everything you can before you decide anything. We are glad you are here Emily. I am glad you are here. I hope you keep coming back and get the answers you are going to need.

  Hugs,
   Jeanette

[Raell]

Yeah, I'd say your wife is thinking hard.

If she's a hetero cisfemale, she likely married to get a protector, father for her children, to increase her social status, make her family proud, have someone to support her as she starts a family, have someone worship her, someone to spend all his money and free time pleasing her, someone to make her the center of his universe.

If you turn into a female, of course she risks losing most of that.

If you take female hormones, you could lose strength and ability to perform in bed like a male, she could be mocked and rejected by her friends and family, she and her baby could possibly be targeted by dangerous religious fanatics, and she could be seen as a lesbian if she stays with you.
You would be spending money on clothes, jewelry, and surgeries for yourself, instead of on her, your house, and your children.

You would have an independent life, new friends, new interests, instead of slavishly doing whatever she wants on free days.

As for clothing, I don't know any US ciswomen who wear anything but jeans and T-shirts, shoulder-length hair, and little make up if they don't have to go to work or to a party. I remember my sisters and friends grumbling about having to wear hose and heels to church, and then taking it all off, and switching to jeans the instant they returned home.

Look around at ciswomen your age and see what they are actually wearing. You might be surprised.

[Georgette]

If she's a hetero cisfemale, she likely married to get a protector, father for her children, to increase her social status, make her family proud, have someone to support her as she starts a family, have someone worship her, someone to spend all his money and free time pleasing her, someone to make her the center of his universe.

Wow, is that the only reasons for women to get married.  Maybe that's why marriages don't survive.  Pretty sure my mother didn't expect or get most of that, but then they were only married for 69 years.

The children part for sure, they were married in SEP my brother born in NOV.

[Arctophile117]

Hi Emily. I just started on this forum as well, and am 3 months even on HRT as of this past Friday. I understand your worries about it changing your social life. I had the same concerns. If I might add a bit of personal experience to give you hope, none of my friends ended up caring. As a matter of fact, none of them were even surprised; something about my masculinity having been to the point of bad acting, lol. And those of my family who matter to me didn't care either. Point here being that while you should prepare for the worst. it isn't ALWAYS bad. Hang in there, it'll pan out.

[EmilyS]

Thank you so much for the kind words that were spoken here. I do like jeans sometimes but I love wearing dresses. I understand about the being a father to our son. I want to always be married to my wife and be the best parent I can be for our son and the best spouse I can be for her. I told my wife last night about my being transgendered again and she understands and knows I will always want her. I didn't say anything about wanting to take hrt or srs :/  but at least I can be my feminine self with her and not have to worry about it. Marriage is so much more than materialism. We have a bond that goes way deeper. She is my best friend and there is no one I'd rather spend the rest of my life with. As long as we have each other's love, that's what matters to us. I guess my nervousness about hrt and srs is more so focused on our son to be and how it would affect him. It's helped so much just finally accepting that I will not push my true self away again. This is me and I will not persuade myself into thinking differently. I want hrt and srs so much! I don't know if it will happen though.. I feel so real as Emily.

[EmilyS]

Hey This is my new account. I had deleted my old one shortly after making it because I was feeling vulnerable sharing. However, I really do feel better talking with others who are transgendered. Thanks
- Emily <3

[Dena]

Please stay with us this time. You have complete privacy on this site and the only information we have is what you provide. We were all where you were once and didn't want the fact that we were transgender to be known by others so we understand how you feel.

[EmilyS]

Please stay with us this time. You have complete privacy on this site and the only information we have is what you provide. We were all where you were once and didn't want the fact that we were transgender to be known by others so we understand how you feel.

Thank you for being reassuring. Though I now know I am transgendered after years of doubting it, I feel so confused sometimes. The signs were there since I was a child, but I only truly learned info on being transgender three years ago. I was so sure at one point and then pushed the feelings away because of fear. I'm happy when I embrace my femininity. Thanks for your support