Hey, Jessica.
Well, form my experience a relationship can be difficult and there a lot of issue to address. Being pre-op means issues, sadly. But I know what you are going through.
With men, sadly, a lot of them have issues with a girl having boy parts. Or, get pretty pissed off when they realize you have them and you didn't tell them that. Some bi guys can be a little more flexible. Obviously a man isn't in the picture at all, cause you're a girl.
With women sometimes it can be easier, but not always. Some won't respect you, but others will. Some girls get the idea that they are going to get the best of both worlds -- date a girl, but get the boy parts in bed. Again, if you don't tell them then they also can get mad, but usually not violent some men can get.
I have experience in pretty much everything under the sun.
My ex girlfriend accepted me for who I am, as a woman, totally. She can't seem me as anything but a woman. But there's one catch she had -- she liked my boy parts and wanted me to use them. At first, because I was convinced I can try to pretend and please her, I tried to use the parts for her. I could sort of do it cause that's what I've always tried to do before... but, I still felt uncomfortable. Then, as things got a long I had a harder and harder time using it. I would use it for her and then cry for an hour. Eventually, with HRT, the boy parts stopped being able to really function as well, and usually didn't at all. She wasn't interested in toys, or other methods. She liked the boy part. She wanted the boy part. It was very hard, very difficult, and it tore me up inside.
We broke up. She now realized that she's straight after all -- and that, yeah, I'm really a girl and she doesn't want to date girls anymore. She now is happy with her new boy friend.
So, there is that experience.
As for guys, I have two experiences during transition.
One was with a guy who didn't know that I was TS. We flirted, we made out, we were very close and he didn't know. I realized this and actually talked to a mutual friend about it, and she thought that he had to know form a friend, or must of figured it out -- but he didn't. I got her to probe him a bit. He was clueless.
Guess how much fun it is to explain to a guy who've been half naked with that you're not like the other girls, and some parts seem a little different on me than the average girl.
So, yeah, anyway, we end up sleeping together. He then started to refer himself as bi in bed and homo-flexable. That pissed me off, cause he was saying that he was having gay sex with me. And I was WTF? He didn't get it. I really didn't enjoy the sex part (I'm not attracted to men, but thought I'd test the waters).
Anyway, long story short, he ended up not to talk to me and went on drinking binge for a week to get over me cause he has a crush on me as a girl, but I have boy parts still... he had problems wrapping his little brain cell around it.
Other guy experience. This guy knew, and he and my ex were sexual partners for a bit (my ex and I tried opening up the relationship, thus, I gained some experience then). Well, all of use decided to go together, yep, three in the bed. He was nervous because he's purely a straight guy. He mentioned that it wasn't as bad as he thought it would be. But as time went buy it messed with his head too, and he started questioning his sexuality.
That's the thing that pisses me off about men the most, is that the penis plays such a huge part in how they see you. They keep thinking gay and bugs me to know end.
I have had other guys who had no idea about my TS status, and upon finding out run away very fast. Women, not as much, but it depends, too. Straight women, not as much, Lesbian, depends. Some Lesbians that know my status will not talk to me -- I do not exist to them.
Sadly, when you are intimate with someone a lot of people focus on the body parts. Only for a few people out there it doesn't matter and they can get over themselves.
I haven't dated a trans person before -- Kissed and made out with my very cute trans girl friend, but that's about it. And then broke a few hearts with a couple of other's. Trans people can seem like a good idea, and in some ways it can be because you have a lot in common -- but dating a trans person has other issues, too. Personally, although I find some trans people attractive, some drive me nuts and I could never date because they have so many issues going on that a relationship isn't the best thing for them at that time. It's not easy to date a trans person. If you are both stable and on the same level, it's a lot easier -- if one or both have tons of insecurities to work through, it can be difficult to get through the relationship.
As for myself. I'm considering dating again, but I am unsure. I don't know if I'm ready enough or not. Part of me wants to, but another part wants to hold off for a bit. I'll just have to see what comes my way.
As for your sexual orientation, it's common to flip back and forth for a bit. Sometimes people don't, and sometimes they do -- and some people change after surgery, or before.
Personally, I've tried guys, but didn't like them. I don't find guys attractive, but I do like when guys treat me like a woman. I find woman attractive, but if I'm going to date a woman she needs to be a bit on the dominate/butch side (but not over the top, although). Basically, a woman is going to have to treat me like a woman and her girlfriend/partner, and not as a boy. I can't stand when a woman wants to shove me into the male role and treat me as her boyfriend (that happened in my last relationship).
still, I'm open, because things change and I don't know -- maybe after I'm post op things will change. I try not to worry about it so much or stick myself in a box.
--natalie
PS I wouldn't worry about finding someone, a pretty face like yours? Soon you're going to have men annoy you and you're going to turn jaded like me and bitch about men basically humping your leg every time you walk out the door to other girls.
PSS I hope what I wrote makes sence. It's 5 am and I've been up all night. Natalie needs some sleep -- she's a crazy night owl who stays up way to late and like a vampire, goes to bed when the sun rises.
