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Personality Changes After 3 Weeks of HRT

Started by autumn08, April 26, 2017, 06:03:11 AM

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autumn08

Before starting HRT, I was afraid that it may make me sugary and ditzy, but at the same time I knew that that fear was idiotic, and the actual result of HRT so far isn't that my perception has changed, but my perspective.

I'll give you two examples to show you what I mean;

When I'm listening to someone, my focus on the context has increased, while my focus on the content has decreased. It's not that my mind wanders; I'm just as interested in what I was interested in before HRT. It's just that the information coming in is slightly different, so while I'm more careful now not to miss anything that was said, I'll still probably be less able to repeat some parts of a conversation verbatim, but more likely to know what those parts were "really" about.

The second example is that now there's less separation between my inner world and the outer world. Before HRT, if I felt compassionate, slighted, nervous, etc... I could more easily compartmentalize those feelings in my inner world, but now I'm more likely to act upon them in the outer world. It's not, as the stereotype goes, I've become more emotional; I'm actually calmer now. It's just that if someone is acting like a certain anatomical hole, I'm more likely to confront them on that, rather than allowing my feelings to simmer and metastasize into other parts of my life.

As you can see, my personality changes from HRT come with pros and cons, but overall I'm a happier, more sincere, and more productive person, so by the metrics I value most they're a net positive. However, since HRT is still new to me, I would like to ask all of you if these changes are normal, if I'm understanding them correctly, if I'm missing anything, what personality changes you experienced and what I should still expect to come.
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KathyLauren

Interesting awareness.

The biggest personality change I have noticed is that I am much more confident.  Whereas my male persona was always afraid of what the neighbours would say, Kathy is unstoppable.  It's kind of fun, actually.
2015-07-04 Awakening; 2015-11-15 Out to self; 2016-06-22 Out to wife; 2016-10-27 First time presenting in public; 2017-01-20 Started HRT!!; 2017-04-20 Out publicly; 2017-07-10 Legal name change; 2019-02-15 Approval for GRS; 2019-08-02 Official gender change; 2020-03-11 GRS; 2020-09-17 New birth certificate
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Denise

Less aggression.  I'm going with the flow more. 

Sent from my LG-H820 using Tapatalk

1st Person out: 16-Oct-2015
Restarted Spironolactone 26-Aug-2016
Restarted Estradiol Valerate: 02-Nov-2016
Full time: 02-Mar-2017
Breast Augmentation (Schechter): 31-Oct-2017
FFS (Walton in Chicago): 25-Sep-2018
Vaginoplasty (Schechter): 13-Dec-2018









A haiku in honor of my grandmother who loved them.
The Voices are Gone
Living Life to the Fullest
I am just Denise
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Kylo

I noticed I was able to talk to other people very easily. I must have forgotten just how uncomfortable it felt talking to people I barely know because when this happened about a week into HRT I was suddenly aware I'd just had two long, animated conversations with two people at the store I normally never would have, or if I had, I would have felt like I was intruding upon them by doing it. As it turned out, those conversations made those people much more friendly the next time I saw them. Prior to HRT I think there was always an anti-social undercurrent to my talk. In addition to that I was not bothered wondering what they might think of me for doing it any more.

It is much easier to compartmentalize now, to stop thinking when it does no good, and thoughts are more direct and to the point when I am rationalizing about something. They were quite direct before, but I think I spent more time coming to the same conclusions.

Ironically though it is easier to talk to people, I feel less need to converse with anyone.

When I weigh up immediate risks to personal safety, which I do quite often with my hobbies, I can do it without thinking too deeply about what may go wrong. No less attention to the problem and resolution, but less fixation on the mental image of everything going wrong. Less attention paid in general to that kind of thinking.

In general my personality has shifted toward doing rather than just thinking about doing, and I have started to do things I would never have even thought of bothering with six months ago which has been very rewarding and stimulating. But I am definitely less playful in tone and I spend less time thinking about how other people are feeling about something. Which actually hasn't been detrimental - if anything it has caused less friction at home and more interaction with others out of it.
"If the freedom of speech is taken away, then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter."
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TransAm

Before the HRT, I was the life of the party. Any time I added to a conversation, it was a witty/sarcastic remark that had everyone cracking up. At the time, I placed my self worth on how often I could make people laugh: There was so much self-hatred going on that I needed people to like me so at least someone would.

I no longer have the need whatsoever to do that. In fact, these days, I couldn't possibly give a **** less what anyone happens to think of me. Don't get me wrong, I can still whip it out when I feel like it, but there's no longer that driving force for acceptance in the background.

As expected, my emotional spectrum has greatly narrowed. Hungry? Yes. Horny? Hell yes. Happy? Mostly. 
Sad, conflicted, anxious, tortured, isolated, keyed-up, listless, worn out, frantic, and constantly teetering on the brink of madness? Not anymore.
It's nice to know that I'll feel the same throughout my entire day unless some sort of outside stimulus decrees otherwise. Nothing seems as permanent or serious anymore, however, so even trying times are taken in a smooth stride.

The other huge thing I've noticed is that I no longer tolerate the whole, 'there's a problem so let's get scared about it and talk about what we're going to do about it without actually doing anything' spiel. Drives me ****ing nuts.
"I demolish my bridges behind me - then there is no choice but forward." - Fridtjof Nansen
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Debra

Definitely more confident for me as well. And extroverted. Whereas before I was introverted and kept to myself. I'm also hyper-emotional at times and have had to learn how to rein that in a bit, trying not to react harshly in the moment.

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Jessica_Rose

I have only been on HRT for one month, but I have already noticed several changes.

My patience has increased. My wife and I just took a 5000+ mile road trip (I hate the TSA). In all of those miles only one driver was able to get me perturbed. Traffic at a standstill for no apparent reason does not bother me anymore.

I procrastinate less. We had a 10 year old apple tree that did not survive the winter. In the past I would think 'I'll get to that someday'. The morning after our road trip I bought a new tree, removed the old one, and had the new one planted before lunch.

My wife has even noticed that I am nicer and more attentive.
Journal thread - Jessica's Rose Garden
National Coming Out Day video - Coming Out
GCS - GCS and BA w/Dr. Ley
GCS II - GCS II and FFS w/Dr. Ley
FFS II - Jaw and chin surgery w/Dr. Ley
Hair - Hair Restoration
23Mar2017 - HRT / 16Feb2018 - Full Time! / 21Feb2019 - GCS / 26July2019 - GCS II / 13Oct2020 - FFS II
"It is never too late to be what you might have been." - George Eliot
  • skype:Jessica_Rose?call
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warlockmaker

The main reason we need a therapist in our transition is because HRT greatest change is the mental one. There is a fine balance between too little and too high a dose of HRT. There is no standard dose as its still Alchemy, thus the experience of the therapist is essential. Too little and the physical changes are minimal too much and many have mental problems. Over time each of us will experience the mental changes that are so new to us.We tend to think differently. Many feel guilty of their past behavior. It will all even out over time and we will forget many of our previous gender thought processes.
When we first start our journey the perception and moral values all dramatically change in wonderment. As we evolve further it all becomes normal again but the journey has changed us forever.

SRS January 21st,  2558 (Buddhist calander), 2015
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autumn08

Thank you for responding, everyone!

The common themes for both FTMs and MTFs seem to be increased self confidence, productivity and comfort, which I think are symptoms of finding the guts to take on gender dysphoria, aligning our personality and our chemistry, and making the best of our lives.

The difference between FTMs and MTFs seems to be FTMs' thoughts become more contained, while MTFs' thoughts become more integrated with the outside world. Even though the rational side of me wants to resist this change, I know that my life is benefiting from a dash of colour, as before my best friend would call me a "bot," because I would just take in information, coldly find the most rational answer and then act without expressing emotion. I wanted to express that I was acting this way because I cared, but I couldn't and as a result of this combined with being depressed, I felt dead.

This shift from overly contained to more integrated still worries me a little, though, because I don't know how far it's going to go, so I wanted to ask all of you how you would compare the degree you shifted at 3 weeks, to the degree you've shifted now?
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josie76

My biggest change was being sooo much calmer inside. While I was often seeming calm on the outside I was in constant turmoil inside. I have lost the constant background anxiety that I didn't even realize had been there until it was gone.  :D That has been such a relief. Taking on the trans feelings honestly within myself likely had some effect on that but I have to say there was a definite mood change about an hour after letting that first E tablet dissolve in my cheek. I have been trying to figure out how to measure my changes. I think the last few years of my T levels dropping on its own had already started to make my emotions flow more freely but low T without adding E had some negative effects as well.

The most significant difference I can tell is when during this time, my wife is expressing her feelings of anger and loss, I now remain calm. I still feel reactions to her feelings and statements but I can listen without exploding in my own reactionary anger. Before HRT I could not remain calm and understanding of her side of things.

I definitely am becoming more extroverted. I find enjoyment from interacting in meaningful conversation now where before I was simply uncomfortable talking with anyone outside of explaining logical mechanical or electronic components to someone. I have actually started a conversation with someone I did not know! Amazing for me for certain.
04/26/2018 bi-lateral orchiectomy

A lifetime of depression and repressed emotions is nothing more than existence. I for one want to live now not just exist!

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Julie Marie

Once on HRT, our minds may react differently due to the elimination of a stress issue.  Being born one gender and identifying with the other can induce a lot of stress and that affects our personality.  As we make successive steps toward becoming one with our identified gender, stress subsides and our mind clears. 

I once made an analogy I called "the bees".  We live life with all of the issues of being trans and that can consume a lot of energy.  It's like trying to live life while a swarm of bees is attacking you.  Everything we do, we do with the bees buzzing around us and us trying to keep from being stung.  It can be exhausting.  Starting HRT can eliminate some of the bees which can lead to freeing the mind to do other things, or just relaxing a bit.  And that can affect how we see, and live, life.     
When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself.
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